MS: my version from chapter 11
by Elina021
Summary: This is how I think from chapter 12 and should have continued from where Stephenie stopped writing. And you know how it is. I don't own anything and the original idea isn't mine. Please R
1. Chapter 1

As I was driving home I was already thinking about the next time I would see her, and talk to her. Thinking about touching her again, it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. Her skin was so soft and worm and the tingling electric buzz returned to me from time to time reminding me of how much I wanted to touch her again. Wrong. Not safe. So soft. So Warm. The conflict never ended. I drove around for a while just thinking, wondering, pondering, and remembering. I couldn't keep the smile off my face for long. Eventually I drove home.

Alice was waiting for me at the entrance; her thoughts quickly erased the smile of my face. _Edward, I love her too, you can't let anything happen to her. _I pushed her thoughts away not wanting to think about her visions, they were old and invalid. I would be strong enough; I willed that to be true now more than ever. I wish I could touch her or even kiss her without hurting her. _Edward! _Alice's thoughts shouted after me, but I wasn't ready for that confrontation. So, I went outside, to run, to feel the earth flying beneath me. My thoughts were swirling the whole time, divided between what I selfishly wanted and what was best for Bella. I was glad when it was late enough for me to go see Bella again.

I settled in the old rocking chair again letting her scent attack me, feeling the burn, I was getting use to it. And I was thinking about other hungers. Thinking about my lips on her skin, which was impossible. Which hunger will have the best of me? She called my name in her sleep, she was sleeping restlessly tonight, tossing from side to side sometimes I thought she was waking up. When the night was coming to an end I left reluctantly, but I was glad that soon she will be awake and sitting with me, and finally answering my questions. My curiosity burned more than thirst. I ran home eager only to be near Bella again. Alice gave me a severe look, but she was thinking about the fact that soon she will be friends with Bella. That disturbed me a little, wasn't one vampire bad enough? Although Bella didn't smell so sweet to all the others they still noticed, suddenly I wasn't sure if I could trust Alice. What a silly thought, I drove it out quickly. _Idiot. _Rosalie was thinking after me. She was irritating me with her thoughts about Bella, so I just tuned everyone out and hurried to the car. Hurried to see Bella again.

I saw that her father's car was there so I drove around waiting a little. I tracked his though his unclear thoughts and as soon as he drove to work, I drove the driveway of her house. After a few second Bella picked out the window, maybe to see if I was there. That thought made me hopeful again, made my heart swell with heat, and I drove all other thoughts out. I waited inside the car this time; I guessed that there is no need to ask if she wanted to drive with me this time. She pushed the door shyly, why did she do that? And stepped into the car. That was yet another yes; I couldn't get use to it. As soon as she was in the car sitting next to me the happiness overflowed me and drove away all other thoughts. I was getting used to the scent, and I was glad for that. "Good morning, how are you today?" I was thinking about her restless night and she did appear to be quite tired with dark circles under her eyes. "Good, thank you", she answered, her voices and her eyes looked warm, she was glad to see me, that made me feel like my heart could beat again, and I was more than glad to see her. "You look tired", commented as I looked at her face once more. "I couldn't sleep", she said shyly. She swung her hair over her shoulder, why did she do that? It covered some of her face, I wanted to move it away from her face, but that was dangerous moving my hand closer to her face, could make me want to touch her face even more. This was impossible. "Neither could I", I teased her as she already knew that detail about me. I started to drive, and then she laughed and said, "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a bit more then you did". That was right. "I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" she asked. I chuckled; I wasn't ready to tell her to find that little detail out, what I most often did at nights. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask the questions." Her curiosity has been saturated while mine was not even close. Her forehead creased she looked puzzled. "Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?"

In a flash of a second a hundred questions came to my head. I had no idea about any of her personal preferences, her life before she came to Forks, her family…. So many… I started with the most trivial one, I would build up to the point, but even this most trivial question was important to me.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked. She rolled her eyes, why did she do that? Did she think it doesn't matter? Everything about her was important to me. "It changes from day to day". That's interesting, I wonder why, fascinated again. "What's your favorite color today?" I asked, even now, the smallest of the details about her was very important, crucial to me. "Probably brown", her shirt was also brown I noticed. I tried to block all other thought in regarding to the shirt away. And then I was trying to keep it light so I snorted "Brown?", I asked skeptically, it doesn't suite her well, not like blue, not like that thin blue shirt she wore, but I blocked that thought as well and concentrated on her answer, "Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green stuff here", she said it like a complaint, fascinating. I looked into her eyes losing myself in them a bit while thinking about it, she was from a warmer places and she missed that, I could never live with her in a place like that; I shouldn't even think about that, the further future, and yet I did. "You're right", I said serious anguished by that thought. "Brown is warm." Her hair was still covering some of her face and that disturbed me, and made it difficult to read her eyes, I was torn again by the thought of putting my hand on her even lightly. It was wrong to get that close to her and yet I did. Slowly and very, very gently, I swept the hair behind her shoulder without touching her. I wanted to touch her and shouldn't want to touch her. Will it ever get easier? When will I do the right thing?

As we arrived to school I continued questioning her, "what music is on your CD player right now?" remembering that day, that yes, remembering holding her fragile body in my arms. That was again not a safe thought. She answered some rock band and me thinking and not thinking about that same day still, pulled out Debussy's CD, it was a big difference. "Debussy to this?" I raised one eyebrow skeptically again.

All day I satiated my thirst. My curiosity's thirst. Every detail every question that I could think of I asked her. I met her between classes and continued the questioning in between classes, but there wasn't enough time. Lunch hour was more useful I continued to question her, everything that I wanted to know, her answer and reactions always surprised me, sometimes she would blush for no apparent reason, why? Like when I asked her what was her favorite gemstone and she answered topaz. Normal enough but I could see her blush; feel the warmth of it in the air, I tried not to think of that while I felt the thirst and ignored it quite easily this time.

I tried to persuade her to tell me, I tried to dazzle her to tell me the answer, curiosity burning me, but she wouldn't meet my gaze. "Tell me", I commanded her eventually. "It's the color of your eyes today. I suppose if you ask me in two weeks I'd say onyx." She answered while playing with a piece of her hair. I paused questioning this. Feeling the joy of knowing how much she cared for me. How much I like staring in to her melted warm chocolate brown eyes, she felt the same for me. Yet I knew that that detail reviled attraction, a very dangerous thing to think about. And it also showed how much she cared, too much for her own good. But I didn't want to upset her so I just continued with my questioning.

I continued questioning her all the way to biology and until entered the room dragging the TV again. This time I tried to sit farther away from her, but it was to a vain. As soon as the lights were off the electric buzz was on. The yearning to touch her was even stronger as I buckled my hands in to fists again under my arms and watched her. She rested her chin on her folded arms, her fingers hidden. Her delicate fingers, her fragile arms, silk over glass. I could feel the yearning to touch her growing stronger and stronger and I had to restrain myself. This is wrong; I can't afford to make mistakes. She didn't look at me the entire hour. Why? What was she thinking? What was she feeling? Did she feel the same way as I did? At the end of the hour when the lights were on, she sighed in relief. I wanted to touch her. She looked up at me and I could see myself torn in the reflection of her eyes. I stood up waiting for her. I walked her to gym, in complete silence, I was still torn. Wanting to touch her and wanting to do the right thing. But the selfish side of me won yet again; this time with the back of my hand I stroke her silky skin from her temple to her jaw. It was a long time and a short time, her skin was so warm and soft. I walked away quickly before I could touch her again, thinking about more ways to touch her, wanting her lips near mine, but the venom flowing in my mouth reminded me why this shouldn't happen.

I went to my Spanish Class. Emmett was there. _He looks happy, sort of_ Emmett thought. _Did our little plot work?_ He asked, I searched through Ben's thoughts and found what I needed quickly, he asked Angela to the dance and she agreed a happy ending for someone. I only nodded. _Maybe it will work out for you too. _But again I saw in his mind him picturing Bella, white, with crimson red eyes and flinched at the thought. _Or maybe not_. He thought after viewing my response. I watched Bella in gym, worrying she might injure herself again, and wanting her to injure her partner, Mike. He's thoughts were unpleasant, hate towards me filling them, and anger towards Bella. _What does she see in that freak? _He was wondering all the time. Bella didn't play this time at all, and so she was safe and uninjured, for now. I chuckled. _Lost his mind completely._ Emmett was thinking. I was thinking about more questions to ask her.

I hurried to meet Bella near gym. I stood waiting for her. As soon as she saw me she smiled and relaxed, I ,too, smiled automatically in return and felt warmer inside from just seeing her smile. And then I continue to question her. I wanted to know more about her life before she came here, before she met me. We sat and talked for hours near her house. And yet it was not long enough, but I enjoyed getting my answers, enjoyed just being near her. She always fascinated me with her descriptions and reactions. She tried to explain everything I asked her about her former home, her life before she came here. It made me a bit sad to think that she was away from the warmth, the sun, the brown that she loved so much, and yet the joy that I felt for sitting here and listening to her answering my questions was incomparable. I had a feeling from time to time that she was a little embarrassed by something but I couldn't tell what it was. It was raining as usual, and beginning to get darker, I could hear her father's unclear thoughts and the car from a distance. "Are you finished?" she asked for some reason with a relief. "Not even close – but your father will be home soon." "Charlie!" she called, confused, forgetting where we were, wrapped in our privet bubble again. "How late is it?" she asked while glancing at the clock. "It's twilight", I murmured, looking at the raining clouds and the horizon. Thinking about the day that I watch her sleeping outside, how the setting sun turned Alice's vision into mere reality. It couldn't be the only way. Thinking about the night coming, and the time moving changing her, changing everything, but me. "It's the safest time of the day for us," I said when I looked into her puzzled eyes. Twilight, not day and not night, in-between, torn like I was. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…" I continued, speaking my thoughts out loud. "The end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" I asked her, wondering her answer, wondering if she'll mention dreaming of me. "I like the night. Without dark, we'd never see the stars." She frowned. "Not that you see them here much." This made me laugh. I didn't need the stars; she was the brightest star in my sky, in my world, my universe. Her father was getting closer, I wanted to see if I can get her to tell him about Seattle, and stay with her for longer at the same time. I tried to make my voice light this time. "Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me on Saturday…" I raised my eyebrow, hoping that she will give mesomething to consider bringing her back from the place in Alice's vision; I tried to shove that thought away. "Thanks, but no thanks." How frustrating. She gathered her books, stiff from the long sitting, and then turned to me to ask, "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not!" What an outrageous thought, she answered some of my questions but I still had so many more, curiosity that never ended. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?" She asked a bit shocked.

"You'll find out tomorrow". I reached across to open the door for her, aware all the time of the proximity of our body's, as I moved towards her heart started to beat faster, I liked that. My hand froze on the handle as I realized who was also driving to pay Bella a visit. Jacob black and his father, only a social call, but still a problem, Jacob's father will surly know who I am. "Not good", I muttered. "What is it?" Bella asked in surprised. "Another complication", I said glumly. They will sure to know who and what I am. If they'll tell Charlie… they're not allowed, but then again Jacob was the one who told Bella about me. I was going to have to stick around to see what is going to happen, but then again it's better for them not to see me at all. I finished opening the door swiftly, and moved away from Bella, better not to get them more suspicious. I heard Charlie's thoughts come closer and saw the headlights of the car, with Jacob and Billy, around the corner; they parked around the curb a few feet away facing us. "Charlie's around the corner," I warned staring at the parked car. As soon as she heard my final warning she jumped out of the car. _What is_ he_ doing with her? _Billy was thinking. Jacob not believing in the stories was just jealous that someone else was with Bella; her flirting made quite an impression on him. I glared at Billy hoping this will remind him that he was not allowed to tell anyone what I was. Billy's thoughts were raged and protective of Bella, in a way he was right, I should stay away from her, but I just couldn't. I drove away quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Please read & review :)**

12. Balancing

I parked the car far away enough and ran to Bella's house listening to the conversations and the thoughts. There was nothing special there, just sports talk, Bella almost didn't talk. But Jacob was curious about his father's reaction and asked who was she in the car with, he answered reluctantly. He knew who I was but he really didn't think much of the stories, but he understood his father's reaction towards me. He was thinking again that Bella might be taken; she might have a boyfriend that thought I liked. As they were preparing to leave and I saw that for now there is no danger of exposure I ran home. Carlisle should know about this.

I talked to Carlisle but he thought we should just wait and see what will happen, so far they haven't said anything to Charlie. I was worried and so was Jasper, but Alice didn't see them telling Charlie anything and that comforted me a little. _We're going to hunt tomorrow_. Alice was thinking now. I saw it in her head, I was taking off after lunch _and I am going to say hi to Bella! _Alice thought with a great joy, she's been waiting for this moment for a long time now. I was a agonized by thought of losing an hour with her, but then again tomorrow in biology we'll still be watching a movie, still in the dark with the electric buzz and the desire to touch her growing stronger. Maybe it is a good thing that I'll be ditching that class. But Alice saw the agonized look, _you need to hunt before Saturday, you need to be ready for the temptation. And it will be a strong one. _She showed me her old vision, but I shoved it out, too much has happened since, it won't end like that. How I wish I could will that to be true. I sat near the piano, playing Bella's lullaby, Alice joined me again, supporting me. After the song was over I could feel how eager Alice was to talk to Bella. "Don't push it", I warned her. _Don't worry, I'll be good, _She smiled at me, and went to sit with Jasper. _Have fun watching Bella_, she thought. I kept playing for a while, this time, Esme came to sit beside me, full of joy, and Carlisle was standing next to her so I played them their song. Finally it was late enough and I ran to Bella's house and went to sit on the old rocking chair, that has become like a second home to me, to watch her sleep. _Edward_ she murmured and I was flying with joy remembering all those 'yes's, her answer's, the touches. I hoped it could end well. But for this time I pushed all the agonized thoughts away and swam with joy. Bella also looked to be sleeping better tonight despite the Black's uncomfortable visit. I went home only to change clothe for school and to get my car Alice was nearby absolutely delighted that she'll talk to Bella. "Just a short interdiction and a hallo", I warned her. "I know, I know, not to push it", she said, _this time, _she continued in her mind, and ran out of my sight before I could get angry. I'll still have a lot of alone time with her on today's hunting trip; it will be a long one.

I was not far from Bella's house monitoring her father's blurry thoughts to see when he will leave. As soon as he drove off I was in Bella's driveway. In a few minutes both short and long Bella was out the door. She got in my car quickly with no hesitation. I could relax again she was safe and next to me. I smiled at her and she stopped breathing and her heart missed a beat, that got me both worried and glade. "How did you sleep?" I asked her. "Fine, how was your night?" I actually had a lot of fun seeing her sleep. "Pleasant", I smiled at her amused by the thought of how she might react if she knew what I did most of my nights.

"Can I ask you what you did?" she tried to press for more information, but I wasn't sure how would she react to the truth. "No." I grinned at her. "Today is still mine." I started questioning again; I remembered I wanted to know more about her mother and her new husband and what she did with them, so I started questioning her about the people in her life, her old life I guess. I finally managed to ask her about previous boys she knew; maybe she liked someone before she came here, maybe the moving here broke that relationship up. She told me she never dated anyone or meet anyone she liked before she came here. I was surprised, and it was hard to believe with the way boys treated her here, I was also very happy about it. But also worried how would she know her feeling is she never liked anyone before? Humans fall in and out of love many times in their lives. "So you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked her, a little troubled with the idea her feeling might pass. "Not in Phoenix", she answered, I tried to control my face expression but it was difficult. Her showing of strong feelings for me only made the second future that Alice saw for her clearer, and it was hard for me to think of it. I went on with my questioning, in every spear minute that she had. We were in the cafeteria when I remembered that I was ditching biology and Bella didn't have a ride home. "I should have let you drive yourself today," I told her, though it would have been ashamed to miss the drive home with her. "Why?" she demanded. "I'm leaving with Alice after lunch". Alice was already at the edge of her seat, knowing her wish of the last several months is minutes away. "Oh", was all that she replied and blinked. Her expression was bewildered and disappointed as well. Sad to miss time with me, this really shouldn't make me happy, but it did. "That's okay, it's not far of a walk." I frowned at her. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me", she said and sighed, "I really don't mind walking." I just shook my head, "your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition – unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laugh at that thought. "All right", she agreed pursing her lips like it will be a hard mission for me to find the key in her house and bring the truck back here. I smirked. "So where are you going?" she asked trying to sound casual. "Hunting", I answered griming. Remembering why I needed to hunt, the temptation I'll be up against. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." I grew morose remembering the other future in which I was not strong enough to be with Bella and stand the scent and heat of her, without failing. In a way I wanted her to cancel the trip, so she won't be alone with me, in danger. "You can always cancel, you know." I told her half of my wish. She looked down as if afraid to meet my eyes; "no" she whispered back, glancing at me, "I can't". It reminded of the time we spent in the car on the way back from Port Angeles and she told me it was too late, that her feelings for me are too strong at this point. "Perhaps not", I murmured bleakly, trying not to hurt her again like I did then. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked changing the subject. "That depends… it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" I offered her. "No", she answered very quickly, I tried to restrain a smile; she wanted to be with me as soon as possible, like I wanted to be with her. This shouldn't make me want to smile the danger of tomorrow still is very real. "The same time as usual, then," I decided, it won't be too early for her. "Will Charlie be there?" I was wondering, because then she won't have a choice but telling him but that she will spend the day with me, give me some motive to bring her back home, alive. "No, his fishing tomorrow", she seemed happy about it, I was not. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I could hear Rosalie's mental shouting and concern _what will he think? what would everyone think if she doesn't come home. Idiot! Spending time with her in public will make US a target of investigations. _She had a point, they were all thinking the same thing, worrying, except for Alice. But I was trying not to think of the danger to our family, but the danger for Bella. "I have no idea. He knows I've been meaning to do laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." She talked so coolly it almost angered me, as if she didn't care if I were to kill her. I scowled at her and she scowled back. "What are you hunting tonight?" she asked trying to change the subject I guess. "Whatever we'll find in the park. We aren't going far." It was strange still to talk to her about that aspect of my life as if it was normal. "Why are you going with Alice?" I had to think of an answer without giving too much away. I had a hard time finding the right words. "Alice is the most…. supportive." I frowned, knowing what Alice wanted, a friendship with Bella, but it was still the right word I guess. "And the others?" she asked shyly, "what are they?" I didn't really want to get into that. So I tried a vague answer, but still true, "incredulous, for the most part." She sneaked a look at my family's table. "They don't like me", she guessed. _Not bad_, Rosalie was thinking. "That's not it," I disagreed innocently. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone." I should leave her alone. She grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter." I shook my head while rolling my eyes and turn to look at her. It's like she thought she wasn't worthy of me, when the truth is that is that it was the other way around. "I told you – you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." More than she knew apparently. She was glaring at me; did she think I was kidding? "Having the advantages I do," I murmured while touching my forehead as an explanation, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always surprise me." That was truer then she knew. A good surprise because she accepted what I was, and bad because she shouldn't. She looked at my family again, looking embarrassed. "That part is easy enough to explain, but there's more… and it's not easy to put to words." I didn't want to tell here of the fear that she will become one of us someday, what would she think if she knew the future waiting for her, surly she would hate me for it. And then Rosalie saw Bella looking at my family, and she looked back. With cold hateful eyes she caught Bella's gaze and trapped it. _How could she even want to be with him knowing what he is? Knowing what he can do to her. What it would do to us._ Her thoughts were angry. I hissed at here in a voice no human ears could hear to stop. She did as I said and Bella looked back at me confusion and fear in her brown eyes. I was nervous as I explained to her. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see…. It's more dangerous than just for me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I looked down embarrassed and self hating for that thought, that future. "If?" she pushed for me to end the sentence. "If this ends…badly", I dropped my head on my hands from shame, from the reminder of the second future, the one with Bella white and my eyes red with her blood. "And you have to leave now?" she asked changing to subject. I raised my face to look at her I tried to lighten the air and smiled. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of the wretched movie left to endure in biology – I don't think I could take any more." I don't think I could resist not touching her anymore. The lunchtime was coming to an end, Alice came a little too quickly from her eagerness to meet Bella and stood behind me. "Alice." I greeted her. "Edward", she answered me. _This is when your suppose to introduce me to Bella ._Alice reminded me. "Alice, Bella – Bella, Alice." I introduced gesturing with my hand; I tried to hide the wry with a smile. "Hello Bella. It's nice to finally meet you," _At long last, _she added in her thoughts for me. I flashed a warning look to Alice. "Hi Alice", Bella answered with shyness. "Are you ready?" she asked; _see it wasn't so bad now was it._ But Bella wasn't scared of her or freighted by her sudden appearance. Did Bella really wanted to be friends with Alice? "Nearly. I'll meet you in the car," I answered her while still wondering. Alice left without another word.

"Should I say 'have fun', or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked looking at me. "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything", I grinned. "Have fun, then." She sounded like she tried to make it sound like she meant it. "I'll try. And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks – what a challenge."

"For you it is a challenge. Promise." Why oh why did trouble follow her every step?

"I'll do my best," She answered. I stood and so did she.

"I'll see you tomorrow", she sighed. "It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I mused while thinking that again I will see her sooner. She nodded glumly. "I'll be there in the morning," and in the night, and yet still not soon enough. This time I knew I could touch her without hurting her, it wasn't right but still I raised my hand to brush her cheekbone, then turned and left quickly before I got other ideas. I could feel her eyes on me again, her staring, yearning looks through other eyes, I liked it.

Alice and I drove to Bella's house first to get her truck. I opened the door with the key from under the eave and let her in. Alice looked around for a few seconds, trying to see herself spending time here. I didn't like the idea much. I searched for the scent of the car keys and found it quickly in the jeans that were in the laundry basket. Alice was in Bella's room very quickly, examining it. _Nice. So this is where you spend all your nights lately._ _Maybe I'll get to crush the slumber party sometime. _I just groaned. _Ease up Edward, being friends with Bella means I'm going to spend time with her. Alone. Without you._ I glaredat her, but she ignored me. _You'll come around_, she promised mentally. I didn't say anything. Alice drove Bella's car to the school's parking lot, and parked it in the same space as my car. I looked at the school and quickly found Mike there with Bella at gym and saw that she was safe, I didn't linger in his mind. He was thinking daggers at me. I sighed. _She'll be fine_, Alice reassured me, but that reassurance will only last until tomorrow. I took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote her a note _be safe, _and left it for her in the car where she will see it. Alice eyed me warily. I drove home fast, trying not to think and blocking Alice at the same time, but worrying was getting the best of me. We went straight hunting after we got home. I over did it again, made myself feel swollen, if only it was enough. I tried to hold the questions from Alice but she was ahead of me as usual. _I think it is going to be okay. _But her mental tome wasn't sure. She showed me the same vision again of me lying in the meadow and Bella sitting her knees curled to her chest staring at rainbows that my skin created in the sunlight, she didn't look scared or disgusted, just fascinated. It still didn't promise me that the hours later will be safe. _I'm almost positive it will be alright. _"Almost?" I asked her worriedly. "Well I think it will come close, but you'll manage", she reassured me.

What was I thinking? Putting Bella at such huge risk, I was the risk. I may have saved her for now, but I might kill her at the end. The thought tormented me. Alice's old vision of me with red crimson eyes and Bella white and cold, dead in my arms, hunted me. When we got home Jasper sensed my fears and stress immediately. "What is it?" He asked me, and the rest of the family joined in, except for Rosalie. Jasper calmed me, but the stress and anxiety was still there under the surface. "I am just so scared that I might hurt her Jasper. She means so much to me; I can't imagine what I will feel if I will…. Hurt her". I chocked on the last words. Hurting wouldn't be the only thing I would do, I would end her life if it will come to that. "Edward, it's going to be fine, I'm almost sure you're strong enough to deal with tomorrow's temptation." Alice answered this time. "Almost is not enough Alice, I can't even believe that I am putting her at such danger. I should leave her". "You're not going to leave her, and I told you, you're not strong enough for that. But I think it will be okay tomorrow and you should focus on that."

"I don't know," Emmett said while remembering his memory of the time when he met someone smelling do delicious. Just the memory made my throat burst into flames, even though I wasn't thirsty.

I just shook my head. Esme raped her arms around my shoulders. _Don't leave, stay. It will be alright, _she thought, and under that I could also hear her happiness and joy that I have found love at last. Carlisle was confident that I will make it through tomorrow. Only I wasn't confident, even the memory of her scent still made me burn. "You want to bet on it?" Emmett said while laughing. "No! This is not funny". "Of course it's not. I say no." "I say yes", Alice said a bit angry; "she's my friend". "I don't know," Jasper was thinking. The future was split in his mind, and he was thinking of his poor control, but that wasn't me. "I say yes", Carlisle said smiling and Esme joined with him. "See," Alice said, "the majority goes with you. You just need to be focused, be strong."

"I wish I could be so sure of myself".

"You will be."

I wish I could believe in that. But like Alice's old vision I too was divided, loving the girl and wanting her blood. I also needed to be very careful not to break her if I were to touch her again; this was a new kind of hunger, desire that was all new to me.

I went to her house eventually wanting to see her again to reassure myself. She slept well, though she had earphones on her ears. She must have heard music to put herself to sleep, she too must be nervous about tomorrow, bur for what reason? Fear of losing her life, or fear of losing me? Or maybe I got it all wrong. I looked at her sleeping figure at her peaceful face, I will make myself strong enough, and I only wish I could believe myself. She still murmured my name in her sleep, repeated the note I left her, _be safe ._Being safe for her meant being far away from me, the worst danger in her life. I _would_ make myself safe enough for her, I enchanted to myself. When her father started to wake up I ran home. I went to change clothes. I remembered what she said _brown is warm, _and today would be warm, so I wore a sleeveless white buttoned shirt and a brown shirt above it. It would be hot and it would seem natural in the walk that I would take off the long shirt, maybe even unbutton it to emphasize the way I would shine in the sun. Maybe she would also wear something nice and short that will show me her skin, her delicious skin, but that's not what I should be thinking about if I wanted to bring her back alive. So I waited for the sun to be in the right place in the sky, and then I ran to her house, ignoring the thoughts of _good luck_ from behind me. Still not knowing were today will take me to, my love or my destruction.

A/N: Please review :)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N 1: Sorry for the lengh.... but I don't know what to do next should I continue or to stop here?**

**A/N 2: please read and review**

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13. Confessions

Bella was shocked, but not afraid as she saw the rainbow's sparkling off my granite skin. I saw my rainbow's sparkling on her beautiful face her chocolate brown eyes glittering. But the rainbows distracted me so I lay down on the grass and closed my eyes. The wind was warm and it was blowing her seductive sweet scent towards me, I let it rip through me, burning me without moving, trying to get use to it. Hours must have passed and Bella was just sitting, her head lying on her knees, looking at me instead of enjoy fully enjoying sunshine. She was sitting near me and then out of nowhere I felt her delicate fingers stroke the back of my hand, ha, the warmth, so pleasant and so tempting. I opened my eyes to look at her, to see her reaction to my cold hard skin but it didn't bother her, I smiled a bit.

"I don't scare you?"

"No more than usual." My smile got wider, only a small part of her was afraid and yet not enough for her to feel fear sitting here alone with me in the woods where no one could save her. No one but me. She came to sit closer; her fingers were trembling as they traced my forearm.

"Do you mind?" she asked as I closed my eyes, focusing on the pleasant way the warmth made me feel, the pleasure of it.

"No. You can't imagine how that feels." I sighed, as her warmth also began to be appealing, and my throat burst into flames. She lightly traced the veins in my arms with one hand, and with the other she tried to flip my hand over. I turned my arm for her at my regular speed, and her fingers froze on my arm, it must have startled her, my inhuman speed, she wasn't us to it.

"Sorry" I murmured, and closed my eyes again. "It's too easy to be myself when I'm with you". She wasn't used to my inhuman qualities; the rainbows, the coldness and the paleness were just the tip of the iceberg. The strength and speed were other things, dangerously lethal things that she was not aware of how dangerous they really are. Did she even comprehend the danger she was in or was she that trusting? I opened my eyes to look at her intently. "Tell me what you're thinking. It's still so strange for me, not knowing." How I wish I could just hear something from her, even just tenors of thoughts like her father's would help.

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time." She said making her point of view clear.

As much as my gift sometimes annoyed me it was very useful at most the times, or useless at this time. "It's a hard life. But you didn't tell me." She was avoiding answering, I wondered why.

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…." She was hesitating. I tried to encourage her to continue. "And?"

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real." Real? What is that spouse to mean? "And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid." She finished. So she was afraid, of course she was, just not afraid enough. I wished that there was no reason for her to be afraid but my burning throat thought differently. I only answered her, what my selfish part wanted for no good reason, "I don't want you to be afraid", but even that I couldn't say confidently.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, thought that's certainly something to think about." What was there more to fear besides me killing her? I just couldn't understand her. I sat up without moving the hand that was in her hand. When I was sitting up my face was very close to hers, I could feel the heat of her face on mine. I had to fight the will to close that gap, wither it is to put my teeth on her throat or my lips on hers and I wasn't sure which one I wanted more right now. But for now curiosity had the best of me, "what are you afraid of, then?" I asked. Her reaction was not the one I had expected, she didn't answer me but she leaned in closer, I was horrified for a moment thinking what would happen if she would put her lips on mine, but then she stopped and inhaled. She was so too close I wasn't sure what to do, humans never get this close without flinching away, and the scent of her throat burned me, but there was no desire in it this time. I ran away quickly to the shadows of the trees to put distance between us; it was too close her heat and her proximity overwhelmed me. I have never sat to a human that close without them showing any sign of fear. I looked at her face and read the emotion of her eyes; she was hurt and shocked her hand still in the form of my hand. My reaction was again too fast for her.

"I'm sorry Edward", she only whispered but of course I heard her just fine but I made my voice louder for her as I answered her, "Give me a moment". I had to catch my breath, literally, to clear my throat of the flames and put her bewildered face in front of my mind, I loved her so, I can't afford to hurt her, it would hurt me even more. Away from her scent it was easier for me to feel all that love with no distractions. Then I focused myself and walked back towards her, towards my Bella, my love, my star and my life, I sat on the ground several feet away from her, keeping a careful distance. I took two deep breaths and let her scent attack me again, it was easier without the heat of her body; I smiled in apology to her, she was hurt by my reaction and the distance between us. I didn't like it much as well but for a moment it was more then necessary. "I am so very sorry", I hesitated thinking about the first thought I had, about kissing. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" She nodded once, a very small smile on her lips.

Now I could see it the real fear starting to settle in her chocolate brown eyes, and it was the exact fear that should be there. I could smell the Adrenaline pumping in her veins, her heart beating faster, her chicks a bit flushed; with her scent in the air it was so tempting. My smile turned mocking, as I was thinking about this is exactly where I wanted her to be that very first day I met her. Alone in the woods, with no one knowing where she was, her scent burning me, not as fiercely as the first day but still more powerful than anything else. All the things about me that were appealing to humans worked on her as well, but she didn't have the self-preservation instinct that would keep her away, like most humans did, until now.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I?" I was going to be very truthful with her, letting her see exactly which danger she was putting herself in. "Everything about me invites you in – my voice, my face, even my smell." I added as I remembered her leaning in to inhale my scent. "As if I need any of that!" I got up and circled the meadow in a half a second to prove my point, "As if you could outrun me", I laughed a bitter laugh, as if she could run with her clumsiness, and then I was thinking about her wanting to fight her attackers in Port Angeles. I ripped a very thick branch off a tree, effortlessly for me of course, I balanced it on my hand for a moment and then threw it with speed, and it hit another tree that shattered under the force of the impact. I walked towards her again, standing only two feet away from her. "As if you could fight me off", I only said the words that I just demonstrated. Showing her exactly how dangerous I was, with the venom flowing in my mouth, my throat burning from her scent that surrounded me, taking one step towards the monster's side of me would be too easy. My body was eager to strike and got exited with my little demonstration; my eyes glowed with that excitement. I must have looked very different right now than the way I usually did with my human façade. She just sat there absolutely still face ashen, her eyes wide with fear, without moving. I stood there looking at her, feeling sad that I made her so afraid, it was good for her to know the danger, but I didn't want her to be afraid. I didn't want her to want to leave. I loved her so much, what if I scared her to the point of which she couldn't be around me anymore? I was standing there next to her and started to feel that excitement, my thirst's excitement beginning to fade. I was so close and yet I couldn't hurt her, I loved her so, that even though I felt my body wanting to strike I couldn't feel that that call was appealing to me.

"Don't be afraid. I promise." I hesitated, thinking of the right word, I _wouldn't_ hurt her, "I swear not to hurt you. I was more trying to convince myself with my own strength to resist, then her. "Don't be afraid." I whispered, trying to convince her, she looked like she was turning into a rock, motionless from fear. I walked with exaggerated slowness, even for a human towards her, not to scare her. I sat next to her slowly, very slowly putting only a foot's distance between us, and sat lower until our faces were on the same level. She was still so scared, not moving just breathing, so frightened and fragile, I had to change that look on her face I couldn't bear it. "Please forgive me. I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." Completely in control of myself, I made sure of that. I waited but she was not moving and she didn't respond. I thought maybe to try something else than apologizing, maybe turn the mood lighter. "I'm not thirsty today, honestly", I winked at her with my now very golden eyes to prove my point, even though my actual thirst didn't matter next to her strong sweet scent. That worked a little she laughed, but it still didn't sounded right. "Are you all right?" I had to ask her, she looked scared still. Slowly and carefully I reached putting my hand back in her still open hands were it was a minuet ago. She took a long look at my face, and then looked at my hand and started tracing the lines on my hand again. The warmth was so pleasant and the heat starting to make my body temperature rise, or at least in the parts that touched her. Then she looked up at me and smiled timidly. I smiled a warm smile back hoping to remove all traces of fear from her face, there is no reason for fear I am safe enough for her, or so I was convincing myself.

I was gathering my thoughts, trying to think of how really calm her. I thought maybe we should continue talking, "So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" curios as always to know her answer. "I honestly can't remember." Fear must make it difficult for her to remember our conversation; I smiled a bit ashamed that I scared her that much.

"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason." What could there be more to fear of?

"Oh right." That was all that she answered me. "Well?" I encouraged her to answer curios as always and even more than usual. She looked down at my hands that were still in hers, and didn't answer. Time passed, well just seconds but they seemed long enough for me since she didn't answer my question. "How easily frustrated I am" I sighed. She looked into my eyes reading the expression of them.

She looked down as she answered, "I was afraid… because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you." She really shouldn't stay with me, but I wanted her to stay anyway. "And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She shouldn't stay with me at all; I shouldn't stay with her or near her. When will I do the right thing? But she should be afraid and yet she wasn't afraid from the real reason, until a few minutes ago, but afraid that she can't be with me, this was wrong. "Yes. That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest." She just frowned, so I just told her what I thought. "I should have left long ago. I should leave now. But I don't know if I can." I sighed. _You're not strong enough for that _I heard Alice's voice in my head stating what now was the obvious.

"I don't want you to leave." She mumbled looking down again.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should." The burn in my throat, less painful than usual but still there, reminded me that it is not just her company that I crave.

"I'm glad." She had to make everything so much more difficult for me.

"Don't be!" My voice was harsh and I was angry again. I gently took my hands back, not to scare her. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget that I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." She had to know, to understand the truth, the danger the full extent of it. I looked at the direction of the forest without looking at it, not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes. It took her a while before she replied, "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean – by that last part anyway." Of course she didn't understand what I meant, she didn't have a clue how her blood called to me so strongly, so much more strongly than anyone else I ever met. I looked back at her; she was so oblivious to the danger, that it actually made me smile.

"How do I explain? And without frightening you again…hmmm." I was thinking out loud.

I put my hand back in hers; she seemed to like it before. I felt her warmth tightening I guess she tried to put more pressure on it thought I barely felt a difference. I looked down at our hands feeling the warmth of her really spreading in my hand. "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." I signed. I gathered myself; she's waiting for an explanation. I need to explain, she has to fully understand how much I want her blood, how dangerous it is. I guess the only compression she can understand will be with food. "You know how everyone enjoys different flavors. Some people like chocolate ice cream, other prefer strawberry?" She nodded. It felt so wrong to compare her to food; she was so life full that it seemed wrong. "Sorry about the food analogy – I couldn't think of another way to explain." She smiled at me encouraging me to continue, I smiled ruefully back. "You see, every person smells different, has a different essence." I was thinking of how to explain it to her my addiction to her; I guess I'll explain like an addict. "If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But if he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, the finest cognac – and filled the room with it's warm aroma – how do you think he would fare then?" She looked in to my eyes, and I looked into hers, she didn't get no fully. What over addiction a stronger one can she understand? "Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down a brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

"So what you're saying is, I'm your bran of heroin?" She was teasing, I guess trying to lighten the mood not letting the horrible truth sink all the way in. I couldn't help but smile, only a brief smile, because there was nothing funny about this topic. "Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin." Although she attracted me more like a magnet than a drug, it was still close enough. "Does that happen often?" she asked. I looked away thinking about how to explain. I thought just to tell her the truth, but not exactly, Jasper didn't tell me anything but I knew since I read his mind and Emmett's… I still didn't look at her as I spoke "I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had to grow sensitive to the difference in smell, in flavor." I looked at her then with an apologetic expression. "Sorry." Talking like this, explaining to her how much I wanted her blood, made me ashamed of myself. "I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can." I took a deep breath looking away again. She was so understating, more than I disserved, more than I could ever wish. I looked away as I decided to go with the same line of conversation that we had. "So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as" I heisted looking for the right word to describe it without scaring her too much, "appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other." Just thinking of his memory, my burning was even worse than his. And yet so far…

"And for you?" She was curios herself.

"Never." Just thinking about that first day when I met, smelled her. Breathing her scent now was a lot easier than it was then.

"What did Emmett do?" She asked, always asking the wrong questions. I remember him not being able to resist at all, the flavor of his memory, my throat was burning. My face grew dark, my hand, clenched into a fist in her hands, I looked away ashamed, not saying anything.

"I guess I know", She was the first to speak, but oh how little did she know. I looked at her pleading trying for her to understand the danger. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

"What are you asking? My permission? I mean, is there no hope, then? Her voice was sharp, she tried to change the tone of her voice but with no success. "No, no!" She thought that I was asking for permission to take her life? To explain why she's going to die? It was impossible I wouldn't. I couldn't. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…." I looked in to her eyes, trying for her to understand that my feeling for her won't allow me to hurt her. I can't, I love her too much she has to know that. "It's different for us. Emmett… these were strangers he happened to come across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as…. Practiced, as careful, as he is now." I didn't say anything else, what was she thinking? First she trusted me so much that she came here alone with me, and now she thought I was asking her permission to kill her? There was no making sense to her mind.

"So if we'd met… oh, in a dark alley or something…" Oh I couldn't even think of that, the only thing that stopped me the first day was the fact that we were in a class full of innocent students, if there was nothing to consider…. I decided to tell her the truth, all of it from the moment I met her, smelled her, until now. Maybe she'll see the real danger that she was in or at least understand what happened, in reality, from my point of view.

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and", I looked away, ashamed admitting the truth, how much I wanted her blood, how I thought about killing everyone in that classroom just to get to her. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." I paused for a brief moment and scowled, hating to admit to this weakness. I glanced at her grimly, both of us were remembering that moment, but now she had a different point of view to look at those events from. What did she think when she had that bewildered expression that very first time? "You must have thought I was possessed." I couldn't imagine looking through her eyes, and her backwards instincts.

"I couldn't understand why. How could you hate me so quickly?" I did hate her at that moment, not even a trace of that hate was left in me now. "To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…" I looked at her then; her expression was staggered, as she was absorbing the full truth for the first time. I remembered that it is this forest that I tried to seduce her to come to with me, and yet I was so far from that place. And yet with her all backwards instincts if I would ask her to walk her to the parking lot with me… "You would have come." I was sure of that now.

"Without a doubt." This made it even more troubling I frowned looking down at our hands. I could have killed her, I saw Alice's vision in my mind, I was close to the death part, and got through it, and yet and Bella with red crimson eyes… I didn't even want to think of it so I continued with my confession. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there – in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there – so easily dealt with." She started shivering even though it was quit warm for her, she was starting to realize in how much danger she was in. "But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home – I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong – and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving. I traded cars with him – he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary… by the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances, but I was homesick. I hated knowing that I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back." I grinned insignificant was very far from the new truth, how important she is to me now. I went on telling her my whole story. "I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it." And then I remembered what decided it for me that curiosity that was still strong since I couldn't read her mind. "It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind, her mind isn't very original." What an underestimate, just remember how much she didn't like Bella just because Mike liked Bella more. "And it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. I was extremely irritating." I frowned; it was still irritating that I can't just listen to her thoughts. "I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions, and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again. Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment – because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her'." I closed my eyes, remembering that day that first time when I held her, remembering how her body heat felt next to mine.

"In the hospital?" She asked, speaking for the first time since the beginning for my little confession. I opened my eyes and looked at hers, they were curios, but that was all that they were. I remembered how in the moment of the accident I only thought about her and her safety and only second came the safety of my family. I continued with the horrible truth. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power – you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched at the sound of the explicit word. I was ashamed for all of times I thought about killing her, about tasting her blood. And then I remember what happened when I got home after that day, the fight that I had with my family. "But it had the opposite effect. I fought Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice. Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay. All the next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day." I looked in to her eyes, seeing the surprise and a small dose of shock set in as she realized the truth. And yet there was no fear in them. Looking into her warm melting chocolate brown eyes see the love there, nothing like my love of course but still, I tried to explain to her how I'm feeling. "And for all that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here – with no witnesses and nothing to stop me – I were to hurt you.

She seemed shocked by this statement. "Why?" She asked, still shocked. How could I explain to her how much I love her, how that vision of Alice, seeing me with Bella dead in my arms, tortured me. "Isabella." I said her full name carefully trying to convey with feeling through it, and playfully and yet extremely gently, not forgetting how fragile she is, I playfully ruffled her hair with my free hand. She still looked shocked, even more now than she did a few moments ago. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." I looked down, ashamed, remembering Alice's vision about this place, with Bella blood glowing red in my eyes. "The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." I looked into her eyes she seemed to be starting to understand how much she meant to me, but not quite there yet. I decided to tell her the truth the full truth of how much I loved her. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." She looked down, but she didn't seem embarrassed, just shocked by the direction our conversion has taken, by my declaration of my feelings. I waited for her response what did she think? What did she really feel? Finally after a few moments she answered. "You already know how I feel, of course; I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." She frowned; a bit embarrassed to tell how she really feels I guessed. "I'm an idiot." Considering what she just said, that she would rather die than stay away from me, idiot is an understatement. "You are an idiot." I laughed, a happy laugher, she loved me, she didn't want to be away from me even now, knowing the whole horrible truth she stayed with me. I looked at her, and when our eyes met she laughed too, and then we both laughed. How could we not laugh, a predator that fell in love with it's all too willingly prey, it was impossible, and yet it clearly was our situation. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I murmured, she looked away but her heart gave a few extra strong beatings. "What a stupid lamb." She sighed. I had to answer to that, "What a sick, masochistic lion", I said really feeling the burn in my throat I was getting use to it, feeling it less and less. I looked in to the forest letting the joy fill me, she loved me and I loved her, and for this moment with my hand in hers we were together. I was also thinking about should I touch her, feeling my hand in hers wasn't enough.

"Why..?" she started asking. I looked at her and smiled, I was thinking about what she might ask, and how she's probably going to surprise me anyway. "Yes?" I encouraged her to continue. "Tell me why you ran from me before." I wasn't smiling now; she knew which wrong questions to ask at the wrong time. "You know why." Well not the full reason, but the freighting reason. "No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This for example", she stroke the back of my hand, "seems to be all right." I smiled her skin felt so pleasant so warm, she was so perfect. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well", I was thinking what to answer her; I will tell her the truth as always, but there's no need to mention the need to touch her. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness. I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." I stopped looking into her eyes trying to see if I had upset her or freighted her, but I didn't. "Okay, then," she said and tucked her chin, "no throat exposure."

That did it, I laughed. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else." I gently raised my free hand and placed it on her neck, feeling the heat of it, and the blood that started to race under my hand, and yet in this moment there was no temptation. "You see, perfectly fine." Her heart thudded loudly, her blood started racing even faster, creating a beautiful color on her chicks. "The blush on your chicks is lovely," I murmured, focusing only on the beauty not the temptation. Her hands fell on her lap, and I decided that for now I am strong enough, and gentle enough not to hurt her, I regulated my hand, remembering that Bella was silk wrapped around glass. Very softly I brushed her cheek, and then I held her face between my hands and told her to be still, which she already was as much as a human can. Very slowly never taking my eyes away from her deep amazing eyes, to keep myself in focus, I leaned towards her and then quickly leaned my cheek against her hallow of her throat. I stayed this way for a few moments, feeling the blood stream under my chick, the heat coming from her throat that was actually warming my face and the smell was so sweet and delicious. But I wasn't focusing on that, though I monitored those thoughts in my mind they were only side thoughts. I was enjoying the warmth of her, her soft skin, just touching her like I thought of so many times and in so many ways, I was going to try some of those ways now. Again very slowly and gently I slide my hands down her neck feeling her blood moving with me, she shivered and I stopped breathing for a moment but my hands didn't stop they moved slowly and gently to her shoulders and I stopped there. All the ways I could touch her I could think of a million more, but some were too dangerous for me to even try, but some, I could spend forever just feeling her. I moved my face from her throat completely ignoring the venom that was flooding my mouth, my muscles felt relatively free. I moved my nose very gently barely touching her collarbone. And then I moved my face and tenderly putting the lightest of pressure when I leaned my face against her chest. "Ah", I sighed, her pulse was appealing, but as long as her heart was beating she will be fine, my heart had stopped beating so long ago I won't let it happen to her as well. Her pulse that quickened by my touch, this time from attraction, not fear, began to return to its normal pace. I stayed like that for what seemed like hours, just feeling the pleasure of her heat, just feeling my face on her skin. I was also getting use to her scent, the more time I spent near her the less affect it had on me. Eventually I lifted my head from her chest; it must be uncomfortable for her to stay so still for so long. Still it was getting easier and easier being so close to her, "it won't be so hard again".

"Was that very hard for you?" she asked a bit concerned. I was glad that it seemed like my feelings for her had clouded the monsters side of me, at least for now. "Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" I could guess her answer, and I was right, I guess she liked me touching her as much as I enjoyed it, the luxuries feeling of her silky smooth skin. "No, it wasn't bad… for me." I couldn't help but smile, "You know what I mean", she added with a smile. I could feel how much my face has gotten warmer from her heat. "Here," I took her hand and placed it on my cheek, "do you feel how warm it is?"

Her expression was not the one that I expected. She didn't enjoy the fact that for once I didn't freeze her, but she seemed shock and pleased, as if she really wanted to touch my face before. "Don't move", she whispered to me. I closed my eyes and sat absolutely motionless waited for her dilating touch. I didn't wait long, she caressed my cheek with very slow movements even slower than mine, she moved to my eyelids, and I could feel the heat of her soft skin almost lingering on mine from slowness. Her fingers moved under my eyes continuing with tracing the shape of my nose, and if my heart could beat it would be racing when I realized were her fingers were moving next, my lips. My lips parted under her hand, I wanted to kiss her finger tips but I held myself in check, and before I could change my mind her hands touch was no longer on my face. She wasn't afraid from being near my teeth. I opened my eyes and I could see my expression in the reflection of her eyes, hunger; the new hunger, the hunger to continue to touch her and be close to her. Her pulse quickened and her heart was hammering, so tempting, maybe I should explain to her how complicated this is for me. "I wish… I wish you could feel the… complexity… the confusion… I feel. That you could understand." I only whispered, there was no way she could fully understand, I raised my hand to her hair and carefully brushed it across her face.

"Tell me", she said her breathing quickening. "I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand the hunger – the thirst – that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though," I might as well tease her to lighten the mood, "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely. But…" I touched her lips lightly with my finger and she shivered again under my touch, how I wish I could be as warm as she was, to touch her without being afraid; "there are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand that better than you think." I don't think she knew how much I yarned to be with her, and how dangerous it really is. "I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?" although she made it clear that there was no other before me still… "For me? No. Never before this." I held her fragile hand in mine, so fragile I was afraid to get close to her, to hurt her by accident. "I don't know how to be close to you," I finally admitted to her, "I don't know if I can." Then she leaned forward very slowly, cautioning me with her eyes, not to surprise me, and then she placed her cheek on my chest, ah, the heat and softness of her were so pleasant. "This is enough", she sighed closing her eyes, also like me enjoying the moment. And then through some long lost human instinct I felt the need to hug her. Very gently, never forgetting that she was silk over glass, I put my arms around her and placed my face on her hair, holding myself together not to put any pressure on her.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," How happy this little note made me feel I couldn't explain, I didn't really know what I was doing but I was good at this apparently. "I have human instincts – they may be buried deep, but they're there." We sat there for another long period of time; time barely existed when I was with her, the time that could change her but never me. The heat of her, the smell, the pleasant for her touch, her breathing, the beating of her heart those were the things that I was thinking of, just the happiness of being with her. The clouds moved in the sky above which started to change their colors, and she sighed. It was getting late she should be going home soon, she was going home safe and unharmed, I did it, I was strong enough to be with her and not hurting her. "You have to go", I noted. "I thought you couldn't read my mind", I was right, this made me happy. "It's getting clearer." I took her shoulder and very gently pushed her away from me and looked into her eyes, a new idea in my mind. "Can I show you something?" I asked exited, a chance to show her another mysterious part of me, surly she'll like that. "Show me what?" she asked curiously. "I'll show you how I travel in the forest." Her expression was wary a bit afraid. "Don't worry, you'll be safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I smiled, a lot faster, I told myself. Her heart responded to that and then she asked warily, "will you turn into a bat?" That did it I laughed out loud, "Like I haven't heard that one before!" another stupid myth. "Right, I'm sure you get that all the time," she tried to tease. "Come on little coward, climb on my back." I waited for her but she looked like she thought I was kidding, I smiled, she had no idea how fast I am, she just got a very small glimpse the day of the car accident. I reached for her and her heart started going a lot faster; I noticed that every time I touched her, her heartbeat quickened, I liked that now that I know it was from attraction. I reached for her and very gently sling her onto my back and then clamped her legs and arms securely around me.

"I'm a bit heavier than your backpack," she warned me. "Hah!" I snorted and rolled my eyes, she was almost a feather weight to me, a very warm feather. And then I took her hand and placed in near my face and inhaled, burning and yet less than an hour ago. "Easier all the time," I muttered to myself. And then I started running. It was always an exhilarating feeling, to really run, feel the wind in my hair; and now even more will Bella clinging to my back though her heart was racing I assumed it was from excitement. I had a few moments to think as I was running about today about being with her, being strong enough not to fall into temptation, and gentle enough not to hurt her with my touch, maybe there was something else that was possible. I was thinking about kissing her, just putting my lips on hers, I couldn't do a lot more than that, but still I could try… put myself in maximum check, not letting my instincts over power me, just enjoying her touch…

We were by her truck then and I stopped running. "Exhilarating, isn't it?" I said excited, not only from the run. I stood without moving waiting for her to climb down, but she didn't. "Bella?" I asked anxious now. "I think I need to lie down," she gasped. "Oh, sorry." Maybe high speed wasn't so good for her, I waited more, but she didn't move, still clinging to me. "I think I need help", she finely admitted. I laughed quietly, guessing that the speed freighted her more than anything. And very gently I unloosened her hold on me, her hold meant nothing against my strength, I pulled her cradling her in my arms for a few moments, letting her body be near mine for a few moments, and then slowly and carefully placed her on the springy ferns.

"How do you feel?" I asked her, I already knew there was nothing terribly wrong with her. "Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees." She did as I told her, breathing slowly and evenly trying not to move her head. I came to sit beside her, very close to her, moments passed and there was no change in her. "I guess that wasn't the best idea," I mused; maybe ordinary walking would have to do with her. "No, it was very interesting," she tried to reassure me, but her voice was too weak to do that, she was so pale it was like watching Alice's vision again, but this was just dizziness. "Hah! You're as white as a ghost – no, you're as white as me!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes." She was getting better, her skin getting it's natural color back, maybe it was time to put my knew idea into action. "Remember that next time!"

"Next time!" She groaned, clearly this is not going to be her favorite way of traveling. I laughed excited by what was coming. "Show-off," she muttered. "Open your eyes, Bella," I said quietly and seriously. She did as I said and I looked into the endless depths of her chocolate eyes that memorized me; she seemed to be surprised with finding herself so close to me. "I was thinking, while I was running…" I paused thinking how to phrase what I was going to do. "About not hitting the trees, I hope." I chuckled she had no idea how naturally running came to me, "Silly Bella, Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about." "Show-off", she muttered again, I just smiled. "No, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." I healed her head steadily in my hands, she stopped breathing. I hesitated for a short moment keeping myself in check in full control of my needs. And then I pressed very gently my lips on hers. Her reaction was not the one I anticipated, I was counting on a soft, short and gentle kiss. Instead I could feel that her lips were even hotter than usual so tempting and demanding attention from my teeth, her breathing came in wild gasps, mine also quickened and then her fingers knotted my hair and she clutched her body tightly to mine. Her lips were so soft, and her body so gentle and warm, and then her lips parted and she breathed in my scent and I breathed hers, potent. I froze and stopped breathing, and then gently I pushed her face back. "Oops," she breathed. "That's an understatement." I saw in the reflection of her eyes how my eyes looked wild, my body was eager to struck, my mouth swimming with venom and I clenched my jaw with all of my force to keep myself check, to be in full control. I still held her close to me. "Should I…?" she tried to move away to give me space, but just the thought of her moving away from me was painful enough to distract me. "No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." I said politely through my clenched teeth. After a few moments I got use to having her so close my body began to relax, return to normal, the burning returning to its normal level. I smiled an impish smile, very pleased with myself, the memory of her lips perfectly clear in my head; I filled with joy, and triumph. "There", was all I could say, flying through my memory reliving the moment, enjoying her here with me, safe. "Tolerable?" she asked. I laughed, I was so happy, finely I was safe enough for her; "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You are only human, after all." Although her reactions were not the once that most human had. "Thanks so much." she said her voice acerbic; I could almost laugh from that tone. I got up holding my hand out to her for help; it was a gesture that she didn't expect. She took my hand, she definitely needed the spurt. She seemed unbalanced. "Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I laughed her lips still in my memory, my personal victory. "I can't be sure, I'm still woozy. I think it's some of both, though." Time to get home; maybe driving wasn't a good idea for her now. "Maybe you should let me drive." She wouldn't like that. "Are you insane?" she protested, according to Emmett I was. "I can drive better than you on your best day. You have much slower reflexes." I teased her, though I knew she wouldn't like it. "I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it." How predictable even rational reasons weren't good enough for her, "some trust, please, Bella." Her hand was in her pocket she thought about it for a moment and then she shook her head with a tight grin, "Nope. Not a chance." I raised my eyebrows in disbelief, she was just so stubborn. She started walking around me towards the driver seat, she wobbled instead of walking, and I grabbed her, hugging her waist. "Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight." Her physical reaction was similar to the one of another condition, "Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I couldn't help but chuckle. "Drunk?" she protested. Well her reaction to me was quit irrational and it seemed like it was uncontrollable, so I guess that it's similar, "You're intoxicated by my very presence," I was grinning, thinking about how slow she drove here. "I can't argue with that", she sighed in defeat. She held the key high and dropped it, this time not being surprised at all by my quick catch. "Take it easy – my truck is a senior citizen." Senior was the correct word. "Very sensible", I assured her. "And are you not affected at all? By my presence?" she asked, in an irked tone. She had no idea how much she had affected me, I couldn't be without her, my existence would be meaningless, but her life would go on. I couldn't find words to describe the depth of my feelings so I didn't. Instead I just bent my face and slowly and very gently brushed my lips from her ear to her chin, back and forth, I enjoyed the havoc I caused her system and again it didn't disappoint her pulse quickened, her blood rushed and she trembled. "Regardless, I have better reflexes." It's the only thing I could answer, she didn't understand the effect she had on me, and she probably never will.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**A/N: Sorry for the lengh.... but I don't know what to do next should I continue or to stop here?**

**What do you think?**

**xoxo**

**E.**

**What do you think?**

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**E**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it took me so long, but the chapters are better so they are coming out longer. Please leave reviews and responses, I live for them.**

14. Mind over Matter

I drove very slowly for me, an acceptable speed for her. I held her hand in mine, mainly focusing on her, on my new memories of her more than the road, not that I actually needed to focus on the road. I let myself drown with joy, feeling it in every part of my stoned body, every time my memory went back to her lips I had to look at her, seeing her looking back at me with her brown eyes that seemed filled with depth of love, I couldn't help but just to be happy. Even her scent didn't bother me as much, even in the closed, small compartment of her car, the wind blowing her scent strongly and the sun making it sweeter, I didn't even drift my focus from my happiness. I tuned the radio to my favorite station and started singing along to my favorite songs, now being so close to her they seemed even happier than usual.

"You like fifties music?" Bella asked breaking the all so pleasant silence. How little did she know me, I wanted her to know so much, but how much was too much? What would scare her off? But then again this was a simple question so a simple answer would do. "Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties or the seventies, ugh!" I pretended to shudder at the thought, although it really was bad. "The eighties were bearable." "Are you ever going to tell me how old are you?" She always knew which wrong question to ask, I didn't really want to answer, so I went for one of her old tactics, one that still shocked me when I think of it, _it doesn't matter. _"Does it matter much?" I couldn't help but smile, it really didn't matter, not to her anyway. "Not, but I still wonder…" she grimaced, "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night." "I wonder if it will upset you," I told her the truth, technically we were at the same age, but in my existence I was much older than her, much. I never thought of that before, I was even older than her dad, not a very appealing thought. Maybe that won't matter also, and maybe it will be the deal breaker. I didn't say anything I didn't want to confront this issue, not even in my mind, not now when everything was so perfect. "Try me" she said breaking the silence again. I sighed; she wasn't going to let this go. I looked into her eyes seeing nothing more than curiosity, and love, maybe this love will be enough to take this fact with peace, it wasn't much worse than being a vampire.

I looked into the sun not to see her first shock when I told her "I was born in Chicago in 1901." I snake a look at her, she tried to look unsurprised and she was curios for the rest. I smiled; maybe I can push it and tell her more about me, "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." She intake a breath, and I looked at her, but the shock passed quickly. "I don't remember it well – it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade. I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." The pain of the burning was the strongest memory of all my human memories, a pain I never want her to feel. "Your parents?" she asked. "They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone." I was talking while looking at Carlisle's memories. "How did he… save you?" I had to choose my words, thought I wasn't going to change her into a vampire myself, there was no need for her to know the process. Though it was a ridicule thought I didn't want her to get any ideas, though why would anyone choose this life was beyond me. "It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most human, the most compassionate of us… I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." I paused, the memory of the burning still fierce in my mind. "For me, it was merely very, very painful." I frowned a little, painful was an understating and I thought I said enough and I wasn't going to say anything else about this subject. A few moments passed before I looked into her eyes again, needing to shake off the memory, they were burning with curiosity. I thought about a safe thing to talk about that would still saturate her curiosity, I went through my memories of Carlisle's memory's that showed me why he acted the way he did, motive and the rest of my family coming together. "He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, thought he found somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" she never said the word vampire, afraid to admit the horrible truth I guess. But talking about becoming a vampire was a thin line to walk on; I didn't want her to have too much information, just in case. "No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It is easier he says, thought, if the blood is weak." I only looked at the road, reluctant to talk, but she kept pushing for more information. "And Emmett and Rosalie?" Should I tell her the truth? Carlisle wanted Rosalie to be my mate, but Rosalie and I never hit it off, we didn't get along from the very start, me insulting her before she even opened her eyes to this none-existence. I might as well tell her the full story about my family; she'll ask for it anyway "Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him – he was careful with his thoughts around me." I couldn't help but roll my eyes; my love of my existence was far away from what Rosalie was. "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting – we were in Appalachia at the time – and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I looked at her and lifted our hands to brush the back of my hand on her cheek. Would I have been able to do the same thing that Rosalie did? Just thinking about that first day I realized that at our first encounter the result wouldn't have been deadly. But what about now? Could I bear her blood without tasting it, to save her? On that I wasn't sure, it would be best in that situation for me to run away from the temptation, but if she was really hurt, could I really let her go? Bella, luckily, disturbed that line of thought, "But she made it", she was encourage by that, though she shouldn't, but she looked away from me. "Yes," I murmured, "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." I laughed thinking that it was perfect, it brought me to Bella, but I went on with the subject, "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again."

"Alice and Jasper?" She wanted the full story, might as well give it to her. "Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another… family." Not that anyone except for my family was called a family with our kind but she didn't need to know that. "A very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" She interrupted, "but you said you were the only one who could read hear people's thoughts." She didn't know that, and she didn't know what Alice saw, and never will know. "That's true," I went on, "she knows other things. She sees things – things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." Things will change I won't steall Bella's soul just to have her, keep her forever, she deserves better than this half life. I looked at her quickly just to see her beautiful flushed face again.

"What kind of thing does she see?" it's like she knew which questions I would least want to answer, well I'll tell her a bit about Alice's story, friendly enough. Wring thought, thinking about her and Alice as friends. "She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of… your kind?" she sounded surprised, I wondered why. Well at least the answer to that is innocent enough, and I can give her details without worries here. "No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I couldn't help but give her a sly glance, I was going all against my own nature here, but I didn't care, being so happy, so complete with her, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live... differently tend to band together."

"And the others?" I don't want to think what would happen if any "others" will get near her. "Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?" I tried not to chuckle out loud, we were at her house now, the good mode vanished, I didn't want to say goodbye, not even for a short time. "Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I teased her, "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to get outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tried you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years." And to think that decision brought me to her.

"So that's where the legends came from?" "Probably." "Alice came from another family, like Jasper?" Well she was trying to get to know all of my family not just me. It should bother me, but it didn't it felt nice talking to someone freely about it. But for this question there is no answer "No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage." I looked at her and she was thinking that was for sure, I did give her a lot of information, and then her I heard her stomach growled, and she for some reason looked embarrassed. She must be hungry she didn't eat all day being with me. "I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner." How much I didn't want her to go into the house and out of my sight, but she needed too. "I'm fine, really," This really shouldn't make me happy, that she, after knowing everything, still didn't want to leave me also. "I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forgot." A little embarrassing, I should have remembered. "I want to stay with you." There was a little desperation in her voice, maybe a little compromise in this case would help, and her father wasn't home yet. "Can't I come in?" I asked her, this did take her back a bit, but she pulled herself together to answer me, "Yes, if that's all right," I got out of the car and in less than a second opened her door of the car, it's time she got use to be treated like a lady. "Very human", she complimented me. "It's definitely resurfacing." And it was, the more time I spent with her the more human I felt, the more I wanted to be human for her. We walked to the house and she kept looking back towards me, I wondered why did she do that? I used the key from the eave and opened the door for her; she paused half way through the frame. "The door was unlocked?" she asked. My movement must have been too quick for her to see. "No, I used the key from under the eave." She walked in the house and turned the porch light on, and then she turned to look at me with both of her eyebrows raised, ooops, she didn't actually used that key near me before. "I was curious about you", I answered her with the truth, I was very curious about everything that had to do with her. "You spied on me?" she asked, she actually sounded flattered, how funny, this was the second time she found out I was spying on her and it didn't upset her at all. "What else is there to do at night?" nothing could be more interesting than watching her. She started walking towards the kitchen, so I went there to, in my speed and I sat on a chair. She walked in and just looked at me, surprised maybe? Her mental silence never stopped irritating me. She got something from the fridge, lasagna and put in the microwave. The heat spread the scent in the kitchen, a very none-appealing scent compared to the cooker. I just started remembering this afternoon, touching her skin her warm, soft skin, and the way it felt having her lips on mine, "often?" she asked and I didn't understand, I was so unfocused just by remembering, "Hmmm?" was all I could replay trying to pull myself together. "How often do you come here?" She asked again. "I come here almost every night." She whirled, stunned, and she said the question in my head out loud, "Why?" It was time to tell her another small truth, but she took me spying on her so lightly… "You're interesting when you sleep. You talk." All those praise less unconscious thoughts; the most important thought was that she wanted me. "No!" she gasped, and at the same time she blushed and grabbed the kitchen counter as if suddenly needing the sport. This was the detail that got me into trouble, what will she make of this? Will she ask me to stay away? Only that thought was enough to make me upset. "Are you angry with me?" I asked her, she looked more horrified than angry, but still. "That depends!" she sounded breathless, but didn't continue. "On?" I urged her to continue, what can I do to set this right? "On what you heard!" She wailed that answer, still upset. I went to her side quickly, she looked unstable and I took her hands off the counter and held them in mine and the warmth so pleasant. "Don't be upset!" I pleaded her; I lowered my face to her level to look into her eyes and lock then in mine, I just told her the truth. "You miss your mother. You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said too green." I laughed a little, hoping that I was forgiven, and trying not to offend her. "Anything else?" she demanded, I knew where this was going to. "You did say my name," I admitted to her. She sighed and asked "A lot?" "How much do you mean by 'a lot' exactly?" "Oh no!" I had to calm her, comfort her, so almost naturally I pulled her to my chest.

"Don't be self-conscious" I whispered to her, "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." Aw, how I wish I could dream, be in a world where we could be together with no complications. And then we heard the sound of the tires on the bricks and the headlights flash through the front window. She stiffened in my arms, stressed. "Should your father know I'm here?" I asked her.

"I'm not sure…"

"Another time then…", and I left her side and got out the back window."Edward!" I heard her call, I chuckled but I didn't know if she could hear it. What should I do now? Go home? I wasn't ready for that. I'll stay here a bit; maybe I'll go up to her room before she falls asleep and kiss her good night. I really shouldn't push my luck when it came to kissing her. But I will stay around for now. "Bella?" her father asked her as he got in the house. "In here" She called from the kitchen, she sounded a bit hysterical, and through her father's cloudy thoughts I think that he noted that too. "Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed." He told her. I let myself drawn in the memory's of today, I was strong enough not to kill her, to touch her without breaking her, to even kiss her, I let my memory linger on the memory of her soft lips on mine. This didn't make my future with her more secure, but still it was something that I didn't think that I was capable of before. I stopped thinking at that point and started listening to Bella and her dad; he seemed to be suspicions in his mind. "No, dad, I just want some sleep," she said to him, still hysterical, "None of the boys in town are your type, eh?" he was going the right way, except for the 'boy' part, will she tell him the truth? "No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet." She said, trying not to emphasize the word boy, trying not to lie. "I thought that maybe Mike Newton… You said he was friendly." I wanted to break something just at the mentioning of the name 'Mike Newton', but that would make too much noise. I tried to calm myself listening to Bella's voice, "He's just a friend, Dad." Even that was more than he disserved. "Well, you're too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking." I wondered if she'll still want me then, in collage, when her real life will unfold and I will always be stuck in this point of my none-life, forever seventeen. "Edward?" I heard her calling my name, and before she ended saying the word I was in her room lying on her bed. "Yes?" I quietly laughed behind her. One of her hands flow to her throat with shock, I just smiled at her lying on the bed with my hands behind my head, a pose reasonable enough for humans. "Oh!" she breathed and sat down on the floor, in an unstable movement. "I'm sorry" I said trying to hide my smile, freighting her wasn't funny, but her expression was. "Just give me a minute to restart my heart." She said, but her heart was fine, actually it was racing, not stopping. I sat up this time in human speed and I reach out and lifted her from the top of her arms, put her on the bed and sat beside her. "Why don't you sit with me? How's the heart?" I put my hand very gently on hers feeling the warmth beneath my cooled hand. "You tell me – I'm sure you hear it better than I do." Correct, I laughed quietly, her dad was still awake, no need to make extra notice and he was suspicion of her already. We just sat on her bed I listened to her heart going back into its normal rhythm. I was content just sitting near her, holding her hand, I felt happier than I could ever imagine possible. "Can I have a minute to be human?" she asked me, how I didn't want her to leave my sight, but still necessary for her. "Certainly", I told her and gestured to her to proceed.

"Stay", she told me, trying to look severe, as if there is anywhere else I wanted to be right now. "Yes, ma'am", I answered her and became an unmoving state on the edge of her bed, maybe she would find it strange, but motionless was natural for me. She hopped up grabbed her pajamas from the floor, and bag of toiletries from the table, she turned the light off and went out the room. I heard her closing the bathroom door very loudly, too loudly, how odd, why did she do that? I heard the running water in the shower I tried to focus on that relaxing sound. The sound stopped, it felt so weird but I listened to her every heart beat, every brush of hair. "Night, Dad" she called, "Night, Bella" her dad called after her, still suspicions. It sounded like she hopped up the stairs in a hurry, and then she opened the door, and finely we were in the same room again I could breathe again, not that I should have, she smelled just so good, so flowery. She smiled at me and I smiled roughly back. I took a long look at her, she was so beautiful, almost a different person now that she's awake since I only saw her like this when she was a sleep. "Nice", I told her trying to keep it teasing. She grimaced, how little did she think of herself? Couldn't she see just how breath taking she was? "No, it looks good on you." I told her, she did look good, but I shouldn't think that far. "Thanks" she whispered. She came and sat cross-legged beside me, but she didn't look at me, why? "What was all that for?" I asked her re-thinking her loud organizing process, it clearly also sounded loud to human ears as well. "Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out." She answered. "Oh. Why?" it's not that I didn't hear their conversation, just wanted to know her opinion.

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited." I gently lifted her chin, examining her face, rememorizing it; I could feel just from that little touch that she was a bit warmer, her pulse rushing quicker than usual. "You look very warm, actually," I commented. I bent my face very slowly towards her, I first thought about kissing her again, but I didn't want to push my luck so instead I laid my check on her skin, her physical reaction was imitate, pulse quickening, blood rushing, it didn't make it easier on me but I tried not to think of it, I just breathed. "It seems to be… much easier for you, now, to be close to me." She said unevenly, trying to catch her breath. "Does it seem that way to you?", I murmured, I couldn't stop thinking about other way to touch her, my nose gliding to the corner of her jaw, my hand very gently brushing her wet hair, and I moved my lips to the hollow beneath her ear. Her reaction was even more cerotic, I was enjoying her reaction as I was enjoying the feeling of her skin. "Much, much easier", she said trying to exhale, but not so seceding. I was enjoying this a lot more than I should, against all odds my cold touch didn't repulse her, didn't scared her, I knew now that this reaction was attraction, going both ways. "Hmmm", was all I could replay, she was so soft and warm that it made me feel soft, like my bones were turning soft, like the touch, and the heat were going to the core of me. I didn't let it distract me though; I had to keep myself in check. "So I was just wondering…" I continued just touching her with my fingers, but even the slightest touch made it hard for her to focus on her own thoughts, or so it appeared. "Yes?" I encouraged her to continue her question. "Why is that, do you think?" she asked and her voice actually shook, I liked it. How could I explain it to her just right? One figure of speech came to mine, it would do, "Mind over matter", I said, and laughed, I was in such a good mood I could laugh for no reason at all.

Then she pulled back from me, and I froze and even stopped breathing from the tension, what did I do wrong? I didn't see anything different from this touch to the one before it. I started at her curiously but she looked at me with an expression that imitated mine, why was that? I relaxed a little her expression didn't indicate that I have done something wrong. I was puzzled, why did she pull away then? "Did I do something wrong?" I asked after a long moment in which it seemed she wasn't going to say anything. "No – the opposite. You're driving me crazy." She answered, I had to let those words sink in, and take the full meaning of it, I was doing this right, and I was good at just this, being with her. "Really?" I asked, sounding too pleased I guess, and I couldn't help but smile a little triumphant smile. "Would you like a round of applause?" actually that would be nice, but I grinned and explained to her what I felt right now, "I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it… at being with you…" She had no idea how good this felt to me, how this electric tingling sensation gave me a very weak memory of an adrenalin rush, made me feel alive in a way that I hadn't in so long. "You're good at everything", she pointed out, a little arrogant of me but I allowed it, so I just shrugged. We both started laughing at the same time, and again I like it so much that we thought of the same thing at the same time.

"But how can it be so easy now, this afternoon…" she pressed on. It wasn't so easy, the need to be in control of every movement to be so gentle, and the burn, although I was getting use to being so much near her, and it burned less now, luckily my mind was up to the job of dealing with it all at once with losing concentration, and leaving a lot of room to enjoy this precious moments. "It's not easy," I sighed, "But this afternoon, I was still… undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so." Just remembering her frightened face from this afternoon made me feel guilty, but she should know exactly how much danger she was in, by being with me. "Not unforgivable," she disagreed; she was quick to forgive me. "Thank you," I told her and smiled at her, she was just so good, even my frightening behavior was forgotten, she wouldn't hold it against me, and she didn't carry grudges. I thought though if I was making the danger clear I should tell her the entire complex, keep it honest. I looked down as I talked, ashamed of myself, "You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I took one of her hand and pressed it so gently to my face breathing her smell, getting use to it, and showing her what I meant, "And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome", I breathed her scent even deeper I was actually starting to appreciate the flavors in now that it didn't overwhelm me. I had a hard time talking, finding the words when I felt so disgusted with myself. "I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibly at all that I would… that I ever could…" I was horrified with myself I couldn't find the words, couldn't say them, talking about I chance that I would hurt her; there is no way that that would happen anymore. That future is gone now. "So there no possibility now?" she asked."Mind over matter," I repeated, smiling now, now that I was sure I could be with her without hurting her. "Wow, that was easy," she said, easy for who? I couldn't help but laugh, quietly though, "Easy for you!" I clarified, touching the tip of her nose with my fingertips. Then I had to be serious again remembering all the danger she was still in, "I'm trying," I told her my voice full of pain and shame I felt for being so selfish, "If it gets to be… too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." Then despair really gripped me when I realized tomorrow I will have to start this process all over again. "And it will be harder tomorrow," I confessed, "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, thought, I think." Her reaction to that shocked me, "Don't go away, then," she pleaded unable to hide the longing in her voice, a longing which I also felt. "That suits me," I told her, and I couldn't help, but smile. "Bring on the shackles – I'm your prisoner." That was honest enough I did feel like a prisoner in a way I couldn't be away from her, not even when it is best for her. I held her wrists with my hand, like shackles, hoping I could find some way to bind her to me. An image of her white with crimson eyes snuck in my mind, anyway but that! I thought to myself. I drove that thought away concentrating on this moment on the joy and just laughed, a happy laughter, I was so happy just being with her so… complete.

"You seem more… optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before." How observant of her, like always, and I gave it a thought and I was feeling very optimistic, that I was going to be able to walk this line, be with her and keep her human, it actually seem manageable now. And all the love flowing in me "Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" "Very different, more forceful than I'd imagined." She agreed with me. I had a flash memory of an emotion that I never felt before I meet her, "For example – the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I grimaced remembering the first time I realized I was joules, how I wanted to kill that idiot Mike. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?" she nodded "The day you started talking to me again," yes that day indeed, when my power of will crumbled to dust in my hands. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt – I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care. And then the line started forming." I couldn't help but chuckle remembering her horrified expression, she just scowled. Well if I'm with this line might as well tell her the whole story from my point of view, without the funny parts. "I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure." I continued telling her the whole story from my side, just without Alice's visions, there is no need for her to know about a future which won't happen. "That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry. And then," I only whispered remembering that night how it felt when she said my name, all that love for her taking a permanent hold on me, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more and sighted. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." Her heart started thundering unevenly, probably from shock, but even these words couldn't describe what I felt, what I'm feeling. "But jealousy… it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational!" I thought of a few, was it hours ago? When her father mentioned Mike Newton, even thought I know she chose me how angry it made me feel. "Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I stopped talking taking a back from the anger, that boy was lucky he was still alive.

"I should have known you'd be listening." She groaned, but why? Did she think I left? Or she didn't understand that my hearing can hear her conversion from the house without taping in to Charlie's vague thoughts. "Of course," I answered, a matter of fact. "That made you feel jealous, though, really?" she asked a bit shocked. "I'm new at this, you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stranger because it's fresh." Well in a way since I barely remembered my human years it was as if I was feeling everything for the first time, everything I had before couldn't even be called emotions.

"But honestly," She was teasing now, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie – Rosalie, incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie – was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" How could she even think of that? After I told her that I and Rosalie didn't get along from her very first second in this half-life. "There is no competition," I took her hands that were still in mine and put them around my back, and hold her close to my chest, only like this I was sure beyond doubt that she was safe, feeling her heat, hearing her pulse, smelling her scent. "I know there no competition, that's the problem", she mumbled, I didn't understand her, was she insecure, haven't I showed her that I loved her beyond the limits of reason today? I need to explain to her how little did Rosalie appealed to me in that way. "Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have no tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." I should tell her just how much I loved her, and Rosalie didn't mean nothing compared to that, how I was looking for her without ever knowing I did. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind and yours… all the time thinking I was complete with myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet.

"It hardly seems fair", she whispered to my chest. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?" What a strange way to think of things, I waited so long I couldn't think about being away from her for any length of time, but it still amused me. "You're right," I was teasing her, but still the words are very true, "I should make this harder for you, definitely," I took both of her hands in one of mine and used my free hand to stroke her hair from the top to the bottom, till her waist line. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on your nature, on humanity… what's that worth?" I sighted internally, what I wouldn't give to have just what every human has, the future, the life just so I could fit in with her, I didn't want to think of the other future, where she would fit in my world, but it kept creeping into my mind again and again. "Very little – I don't feel deprived of anything." She answered. "Not yet." Was all I could answer her. She tried to pull back but I didn't let her move from me. Then I heard Charlie's footsteps coming closer and in his vague mind I could tell that he was coming here to check on her. Her body froze in a response to mine. "What…" she started to ask, but I quickly released her hands and flow to hide under her bed. She didn't respond, "Lie down!" I hissed. I could hear her lying down, and then the door opening. Suspicions were still in Charlie's mind; her poor impression of sleeping didn't convince him. In this short moment away from Bella were not hard but uncomfortable. I flew to lie down in the bed beside her under the covers. I whispered in her ear with my lips touching her ear "You are a terrible actress – I'd say that career path is out of you."

"Darn it", she said. Her heart was still beating too fast. I thought I should help calm her down, since I caused the mayhem apparently. But how to do so? My mind drifted back to my piano, to the lullaby I wrote for her. I started humming it, and after a few moments I stopped, although her heart was going back to its normal pace I didn't know if she would like it. Does she like music before she goes to sleep? Or does she even want to sleep now? "Should I sing you to sleep?" I asked. "Right," she laughed, "Like I could sleep with you here!" how strange, the tone of her voice made it sound like having me here would make her too anxious to sleep, would she not want me here so I won't listen to her while she slept? "You do it all the time," I reminded her, I hope that reminder wouldn't upset her, I hoped she wouldn't ask me not to do it again, since I couldn't promise that. "If you don't want to sleep?" I chuckled, I could stay all night talking to her, but she needed her sleep, I don't want to know what lack of sleep would do to her already dubious balance. I chuckled. "What do you want to do then?" I waited for her answer, after a few minutes she answered "I'm not sure". "Tell me when you decide." I told her. Well as long as she's not going to sleep I could continue, I glided my nose along her jaw line inhaling, I was getting better as this. I could even feel the flavors of her scent; think through it and not letting it overwhelm me. I thought about kissing her neck but my mouth was still swimming with venom, so maybe I need more time before that. "I thought you were desensitized." she commented. How to phrase this correctly; well might as well go on with the addiction line, "just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet." I could think around the thirst now, really appreciate just how delicious she smelled without letting the scent spin me out of control. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or freesia. It's mouthwatering." How embarrassing it is just to talk about this, it made me ashamed of myself that I still found her appetizing. "Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell." I couldn't help but chuckle at her humor, she tried to dismiss it, dismiss my darker side as if it didn't matter, and I sighed after all I still couldn't avoid guilt and shame, but the joy of love over powered them. She pulled me from my thoughts, "I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you." Well we had no more secrets at this point. "Ask me anything," I told her, though I still felt a bit wary. She thought about what to ask for a few moments and then asked, "Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do, I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." I thought about it before answering, she wasn't the first person who wandered that, so I should have expected her to ask me this sooner or later, though I never did know what to expect from her. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others" I had to stop there thinking about my family and Rose and how they felt about being vampires "The majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot – they, too, wonder at how we live." Well the next words are more made from Carlisle's thoughts then mine, "But you see, just because we've been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above – to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can." This sounded right enough; anyone in my family would give up everything to be human again, especially Rose, but now I almost felt like her, wanted to be human so I can live a happy human life with Bella. Then I realized she didn't say anything for a while, "Did you fall asleep?" I asked in a whisper that wouldn't wake her up if she were asleep. "No," she answered, good so I will have more time listening to her voice, hearing her words, finding her behind them. "Is that all you were curious about?" I asked, though I was sure that was not the case. She rolled her eyes, her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, the darkness gave it even more depth, and I felt like I was staring into the never ending tunnel of her soul, her beautiful sprit which I would never endanger. "Not quite", she said pulling me from my thoughts. "What else do you want to know?" I asked her. "Why can you read minds – why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?" I shrugged, she never asked anything easy did she, and to this no one did have an answer. "We don't really know." Well maybe I should give her Carlisle theory, not to leave her empty handed, "Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified – like our mind, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to thoughts of the others around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was." Well I had another gifted member of our family, but she didn't ask though I was sure that she will, and she didn't disappoint, "What did he bring into the next life, and the others?" She asked curios like I thought she would be. "Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her… tenacity," I didn't think it would be fair to Rosalie to mention that her main characteristic was beauty, though I'm sure to human eyes it was obvious. "Or you could call it pigheadedness." I added, trying to make it humors, and I chuckled, it wasn't exactly a lie… "Jasper is very interesting. He was quit charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him – calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift." I could see her intense expression, she was thinking about all this new information, processing it. I took this time to look at her face in this new light, though I have seen her at night, this time she was awake, everything seemed new.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…" Well she isn't going to keep things simple; well I gave her my theory on that one, with the whole long speech, "Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey?" Well I was breaking this pattern a predator in love with its prey, and such a desirable one as well. "Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?" right now in my arms, feeling her heat and her body even through our clothe it felt like she was even more fragile than the angelfish. "Let me get this straight – I'm the baby seal, right?" She asked, it was quit humorous her tone, I laughed and kissed her wet hair, ah it smelled so good. "Are you ready to sleep?" I asked to distract myself. "Or do you have any more questions?" although I felt like I was bringing my dark world into her bright one it made me feel good talking about everything with her, it was quite surprising. "Only a million or two." She answered. It's like she won't have any more time to ask me, "We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I reminded her. She smiled a very pleased smile. "Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all." How could she think I could leave her? I had no strength for that, I knew that by now. "I won't leave you," I almost promised but I didn't maybe one day I will be strong enough to do what I should do.

"One more, then, tonight…" she stopped suddenly, and blushed, why is that? Something embarssing? Curiosity flared in me. "What it is?" I asked trying to sound nonchalant. "No, forget it. I changed my mind." Was she doing this on purpose I thought she realized how much her mental silence irritated me. "Bella, you can ask me anything." I encouraged her. She didn't say anything and I groaned, this was unbearable, "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse." Maybe understanding how annoying it is will make her talk. "I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking." Well maybe this wasn't a good chance to explain to her how thoroughly I have been following her since the day I met her. "Please," I was pleading using my most persuasive voice, I would have tried to use my eyes also, but it was too dark for her to see. She shook her head, how bad could it be? "If you don't tell me, I'll assume it's something much worse than it is," I threatened. How much longer can I take this? What was she hiding so desperately? "Please?" I pleaded again. "Well…" She began, but didn't continue, I tried not to groan this time. "Yes?" I encouraged her to continue. "You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… is that…marriage… the same as humans?" I laughed a serious laughter, is this was she getting to? Physical relationships? "Is that what you're getting at?" She was fidgeting nervously, it's a difficult issue, but for the rest of us it's not a problem. "Yes, I suppose it is much the same. I told you, most of those humans desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires." What is she getting at? "Oh," was her only response. What was she thinking? Why has that question made her blush? "Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I wondered what she was getting at. I couldn't see. "Well, I did wonder… about you and me… someday…" I froze. I couldn't even imagine this, her scent, the heat, her body pressed to mine so tight, I could so easily hurt her without noticing, break her. I didn't even know if I could handle kissing her again. How could she think this, knowing everything she did about me? Unfortunately this put the thought in my head, how it would feel. I shoved it out, that's not possible, only if she was one of my kind, but I won't let that happen. And to think of this when she was human was insanity. I could barely think of words to tell her. "I don't think that… that… would be possible for us." I barely managed to take the words out of my mouth from the shock. "Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?" She asked in an uncertain voice. How could I explain this to her? Even now I always watched myself careful of my movements of the pressure I put in my hands, always chanting to myself at the back of my head, silk over glass. "That's certainly a problem." A very big problem even with the obstacle of our clothes, "But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." Alice's old vision of Bella dead jumped in my mind, but I shoved it out, I was strong enough to be with Bella. The more I talked the more my voice became a low murmur. I took my hand and rest it against her check, feeling the pleasant heat, I sighed internally. "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush you skull by mistake." The shame of this fact burned in me, "You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you." That fact almost punched a hole in me, but I would take this life of no relaxation as long as I can be with her, being away from her was painful. I waited for her response I hope I didn't scare her too much, made her too worried, too afraid, too aware, or maybe that was best. Could she leave me now that she saw that I couldn't give her what she wanted, I couldn't be even close to human with her. I growled anxious the panic and horror sinking in. She didn't talk, "Are you scared?" I asked when I couldn't bare her silence anymore. She answered only after a whole minute "No. I'm fine." Relief flashed through me. I thought it for a moment in my human life I never looked at girls only war had my attention, but this was a different time, and Bella being so attractive… "I'm curious now though," I began to ask carefully choosing my words, keeping it light this time, not to upset her. "Have you ever…?" I trailed off, letting her imagination filled the rest, just the thought of the possibility that someone else was this close to her made me furious beyond imagining, worse than jealousy, the rage of it. "Of course not," she flushed, relief again, this was all new to her as it was to me, "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close." Relief became joy, every time she confessed her love to me made me feel like my dead heart became swollen from joy. And she didn't realize how attractive she was. "I know." I told her, "It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all." She sighed, disappointed? Did she really want me that close? Well I did feel the same way, also a sharp disappointment but this was necessary, I would take it to keep her safe. "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I sounded satisfied, another thing we had in common, and not a small thing. "Your human instincts…" she began and stopped, I waited her to continue, "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?" I laughed and lightly, gently rumpled her hair, I liked the way it looked all wild. I didn't need to think, just remembering her wearing that blue tight shirt… "I may not be human, but I am a man," I assured her. She yawned, she was tired, and I was keeping her up too late. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I insisted this time. "I'm not sure if I can," was it that uncomfortable to her having me here when she was asleep? "Do you want me to leave?" I became agonized at the thought, but she answered very quickly "No!" a bit too loud, I laughed satisfied. I began to hum her lullaby and her breath became more even and she relaxed in unconsciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Hello everyone…sory it took me a while to update this story…sometimes RL is a mess….

PLEASSSE READ AND REVIEW

15. The First Morning

It was so strange, I was lying on the bed next to her; hear her heart beat, breathing her burning scent, feeling her heat warming me, and yet it was not tempting in a thirst way. Her impossible words flickered in my mind; _I did wonder… about you and me… someday… do you find me attractive, in that way, at all._

She was going to make things even more difficult for me then I thought. And it was something I could never give her, even if I spend all her human life with her, I could never give her _that_, until now I have not thought of this, and I didn't even know I could want such a thing. And yet it only reminded me of things that I can never give to her, even if I spend all her human life with her I could never _be _with her, and if she really did choose me at the end what kind of a life would she have with me? She could never have children, and I saw how that upset Rosalie and Esme all the time. Bella started murmuring again, and that drew me away from my thoughts, just the sound of her voice, _Edward _she murmured. For now I let all the memory's of today, the memories of her touch of her lips flow through me, and sweep me into the happiest place I ever been to. I was strong enough I could be with her, I could touch her, I could even kiss her, and all that without hurting her. She liked it, she thought that I was good at this, this gave me a great satisfaction, there was nothing I like more than her touch, and yet when she touched me… _Edward… I love you…. I love you Edward… stay, please… _my mind went blank at the words. I passed them through my head over and over, until they sank in for real, she really did love me, as much as was humanly possible, I knew this, and yet hearing her say this words, knowing that this was even truer because she had no control of this. I was flying high with joy there weren't words or thoughts or vision that could describe this feeling of overwhelming love and joy. I let myself fly with her murmurs, every time she murmured I love you it was as if my heart was growing and worming with her words, though the warming could be part of being so close to her. The time almost ceased to matter to me I just let emotions flow me. _Edward _she murmured again and I started thinking coherently again. Yesterday was so perfect, at least the end of it after I pulled myself together and decided that I was strong enough. What can we do today? My mind flickered to Alice and her eagerness to meet Bella. Suddenly the urge for her to know me grew stronger, what more there is thought? If I were human, what would I do? Take her to see my family, my family of vampires. Should I take her to my family, in my house, to my room? I should ask Alice that, and give them all a fair warning if I was going to do such a thing.

Even though this was a short goodbye and I will see her in an hour's time it agonized me to leave. I wasn't right unless I was with her and it wasn't right for me to be with her. I opened the window and run towards the house. Alice was sitting on the stairs eyes shining. _Great idea! But I'll live it to you to tell Rosalie. I'm not going to be the one to tell her anything about Bella again, last time was enough._ I saw her vision of me and Bella sitting on my leather sofa together, she was on my lap, just seeing this made me want to run back to see her again. "Did you tell anyone else?" I asked her. _Nope all yours. _I grimaced. I walked in to the house. "Tell anyone else what?" Emmett asked curios; Rosalie was sitting on the couch flipping channels on the TV. I took a deep breath, "I'm brining Bella here later today." The remote control in Rosalie's hands snapped, good thing we got extra's. "You're doing what?" She snapped at me. "Are you crazy? Or you just don't want to see the danger in that?" Rosalie was furious, but despite her words it was still her old vanity that irritated her. "What danger?" Emmett asked puzzled, "feeling thirsty now Rose?" Rosalie glared at him. "Actually yes, let's go hunt. _Far away and for a long time!_ She added in her mind. "There's no danger, it will be fine" Alice said backing me up, as she walked in the room. "Now?" Emmett asked a bit disappointed _I'll miss all the fun. Don't worry Edward I'll try and calm her down. _I just nodded towards him. "Yes!" Rosalie snapped and went up to her room to change, Emmett sighed. "You owe me for this one." He whispered to me. "Thanks" I answered him a bit relived; not having Rosalie around will make it easier. Carlisle, Esme and Jasper came down to see what all the fuss was about. "Edward is bringing Bella over today isn't it lovely?" Alice said beaming. Esme was beaming too, Carlisle's mind was approving, and Jasper didn't know what to make of this, Jasper had poor control. "Jasper I think it's best if you'll a distance, a rather large distance." I said a hint of a threat in my voice. Jasper just nodded approving, he didn't want to push it, or push me with my so called insane behavior. "By the way, Edward," Emmett began, "You never told me what you are always laughing about." I chucked. "Bella." _Ha? _"Why?" she asked puzzled. "She's sort of clumsy," Emmett grinned "That's something I'll need to see, first handed." Rosalie came down and glared at him, she heard the last comment. _Not anytime soon I guess, _He thought, I sigh. Esme was exited, she never meet Bella before, she very much wanted to meet the girl my heart had chosen, despite my best efforts. I went to my room and changes to new clothe and tied up my room a bit. I ran quickly back to her house. I claimed in her room and I could relax again. I didn't want to take any chance of waking her up so I went to sit at the old rocking chair and stared at her beautiful peaceful face again. I flow with the joy and happiness and shoved all over thoughts away, for now everything was just perfect, for me at least. 

It was so strange, I was lying on the bed next to her; hear her heart beat, breathing her burning scent, feeling her heat warming me, and yet it was not tempting in a thirst way. Charlie was still awake, suspicions strong in his mind; he went to Bella's truck and took out her battery cables. _I don't speak car and drive _her voice repeated clear in my head, well I guess that if she wanted to sneak out that would have stopped her. Then more relaxed Charlie went to sleep.

Her impossible words flickered in my mind; _I did wonder… about you and me… someday… do you find me attractive, in that way, at all._

She was going to make things even more difficult for me then I thought. And it was something I could never give her, even if I spend all her human life with her, I could never give her _that_, until now I have not thought of this, and I didn't even know I could want such a thing. And yet it only reminded me of things that I can never give to her, even if I spend all her human life with her I could never _be _with her, and if she really did choose me at the end what kind of a life would she have with me? She could never have children, and I saw how that upset Rosalie and Esme all the time. Bella started murmuring again, and that drew me away from my thoughts, just the sound of her voice, _Edward _she murmured. For now I let all the memory's of today, the memories of her touch of her lips flow through me, and sweep me into the happiest place I ever been to. I was strong enough I could be with her, I could touch her, I could even kiss her, and all that without hearting her. She liked it, she thought that I was good at this, this gave me a great satisfaction, there was nothing I like more than her touch, and yet when she touched me… _Edward… I love you…. I love you Edward… stay, please… _my mind went blank at the words. I passed them through my head over and over, until they sank in for real, she really did love me, as much as was humanly possible, I knew this, and yet hearing her say this words, knowing that this was even truer because she had no control of this. I was flying high with joy there weren't words or thoughts or vision that could describe this feeling of overwhelming love and joy. I let myself fly with her murmurs, every time she murmured I love you it was as if my heart was growing and worming with her words, though the warming could be part of being so close to her. The time almost ceased to matter to me I just let emotions flow me. _Edward _she murmured again and I started thinking coherently again. Yesterday was so perfect, at least the end of it after I pulled myself together and decided that I was strong enough.

What can we do today? My mind flickered to Alice and her eagerness to meet Bella. Suddenly the urge for her to know me grow stronger, what more there is thought? If I were human, what would I do? Take her to see my family, my family of vampires. Should I take her to my family, in my house, to my room? I should ask Alice that, and give them all a fair warning if I was going to do such a thing.

Even though this was a short goodbye and I will see her in an hour's time it agonized me to leave. I wasn't right unless I was with her and it wasn't right for me to be with her. I opened the window and run towards the house. Alice was sitting on the stairs eyes shining. _Great idea! But I'll leave it to you to tell Rosalie. I'm not going to be the one to tell her anything about Bella again, last time was enough._ I saw her vision of me and Bella sitting on my leather sofa together, she was on my lap, just seeing this made me want to run back to see her again. "Did you tell anyone else?" I asked her. _Nope, all yours. _I grimaced. I walked in to the house. "Tell anyone else what?" Emmett asked curios; Rosalie was sitting on the couch flipping channels on the TV. I took a deep breath, "I'm brining Bella here later today." The remote control in Rosalie's hands snapped, good thing we got extra's. "You're doing what?" She snapped at me. "Are you crazy? Or you just don't want to see the danger in that?" Rosalie was furious, but despite her words it was still her old vanity that irritated her. "What danger?" Emmett asked puzzled, "Thirsty much Rose?" Rosalie glared at him. "Actually yes, let's go hunt. _Far away and for a long time!_ She added in her mind. "There's no danger, it will be fine" Alice said backing me up, as she walked in the room. "Now?" Emmett asked a bit disappointed _I'll miss all the fun. Don't worry Edward I'll try and calm her down. _I just nodded towards him. "Yes!" Rosalie snapped and went up to her room to change, Emmett sighed. "You owe me for this one." He whispered to me. "Thanks" I answered him a bit relived; not having Rosalie around will make it easier. Carlisle, Esme and Jasper came down to see what all the fuss was about. "Edward is bringing Bella over today isn't it lovely?" Alice said beaming. Esme was beaming too, Carlisle's mind was approving, and Jasper didn't know what to make of this, Jasper had poor control. "Jasper I think it's best if you'll distance, a rather large distance." I said a hint of a threat in my voice. Jasper just nodded approving, he didn't want to push it, or push me with my so called insane behavior. "By the way, Edward," Emmett began, "You never told me what you are always laughing about." I chucked. "Bella." _Ha? _"Why?" he asked puzzled and amused. "She's sort of clumsy," Emmett grinned "That's something I'll need to see, first handed." Rosalie came down and glared at him, she heard the last comment. _Not anytime soon I guess, _He thought, I sighed. Esme was exited, she never met Bella before, and she very much wanted to meet the girl my heart had chosen, despite my best efforts. I went to my room and changed into new clothe and tied up my room a bit. I ran quickly back to her house. I climbed into her room and I could relax again. I didn't want to take any chances of waking her up so I went to sit at the old rocking chair and stared at her beautiful peaceful face again. I flow with the joy and happiness and shoved all other thoughts away, for now everything was just perfect, for me at least.

The sun began to rise. Charlie woke up, his thoughts still vague but something about water, going fishing probably. As he went to go fishing probably he returned the cables back to its normal place. I was watching Bella and her breathing speeding up, she was starting to wake up; she moaned and rolled to the side. It was strange to be here; usually something like this was my qeu to leave. Suddenly, without warning she sat up and yelled "OH!" Her hair looked a little strange, different, but nice, "Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it." Her face looked shocked for a split second, did I scare her? "Edward! You stayed!" She yelled, shocked and pleased and then as an automatic reaction she ran across the room and landed on my lap. What a strange reaction, it shocked me a bit; her thoughtless, but then again it pleased me that her first reaction was to be near me, as I wanted to be near her. And then she froze, and she looked shocked? Why? Her expression of shock was so funny that I had to laugh, "Of course," I answered still a little shaken by her strange reaction. I very gently rubbed her back to calm her down, and it seemed to help, she laid her head on my shoulder and breathed deeply again. "I was sure it was a dream," she said how odd, "You're not that creative," I mucked a bit. "Charlie!" she yelled and got up, and started running towards the door. This was very odd I never saw her act like this, "He left an hour ago," I said to stop her, I didn't want her to go, "After reattaching you battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" I asked teasingly, and bit curios as always. She stopped and then looked like she was confused about something I didn't understand. "You're not usually this confused in the morning," I noted to her and held my arms open for her to return, I so badly wanted her to return that it was irrational. "I need another human minute." She admitted. "I'll wait." I told her; please don't take too long I added in my mind. She hurried out the door and hopefully she'll hurry back. She half ran to the bathroom. She shouldn't run starting the morning with tripping wouldn't help her, apparently, incoherent thoughts this morning. I heard the sound of brushing and water flowing. It sounded so slow like time dragged when she was away; I was on edge waiting for her return. And then she almost ran back to the room. My arms were still in the same extended form, not moving. She walked quickly towards me, but it was not fast enough for me I reached out and took her in my arms, her heart started thumping unsteady, this pleased me, now I knew the reason- attraction, not fear, definitely attraction. Her attack on me yesterday pleased me in a way, though it was hideously dangerous, with danger out of the equation, it showed how much she wanted to be with me. _I did wonder… about you and me… _her words filled my head again, yes she wanted to be with me too much, too close, too much too close. I thought of it too fast for her to notice a pause, "Welcome back," I said, taking her into my arms. In that moment all the other bad thoughts left me, they joy again was unprecedented, it's like I loved her more and more every moment that I spent with her. I rocked us both back and forth on the rocking chair. I sat so many times on this chair looking at her and yet I never imagined what it would be like for her to sit on it with me. Her warm body started to heat me, I felt strangely pleasant. There was no need for words. "You left?" she suddenly said out of nowhere, accused me while touching the collar of my new shirt. "I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in – what would the neighbors think?" I teased her, I'll ask her about my other plan later, and I wanted this moment alone with her to last forever, though we didn't have forever. She pouted, how strange it's not like she woke up and I wasn't here. "You were very deeply asleep, I didn't miss anything." I was gleamed just at the memory of the words, how I wish I could hear them again, coming from her conscious lips. She groaned she'll have to get use to this part; I wasn't planning on missing a lot of dreams. "What did you hear?" She asked nervures. My expression softened at the memory of her words again, "You said you loved me." "You already knew that," she said and ducked her head, embarrassed, why was she embarrassed at my happiest memory I had, one that even my imagination couldn't conger. "It was nice to hear, just the same." The words somehow made it more final than anything "I love you," She whispered. The warmth that passed through me and these words were warmer than her body heat. "You are my life now," I answered her; it was so true that she didn't even know how much. There was no need for more I continued to rock us as the sun rose in the sky. I could spend weeks just tossing this memory in my head, I love you, she loved me, and in this moment that's all that mattered.

In my head I relived through last night over and over again while still appreciating the present, being together. I remembered she eats a lot more often than my kind does, how inconvenient. "Breakfast time," I said casually, she should eat before she gets too hungry like yesterday. Her reaction was not the one I expected; she clutched her throat with both hands and stared at me with wide eyes. I was shocked did she really think I could hurt her after everything? "Kidding!" she snickered, "And you said I couldn't act!" I frowned in disgusted; this was not a topic for joking. "That wasn't funny." Was all I could answer, I could hardly see the humor in the fact that she was frightened that I would drink her blood, even though I won't let it happen she should still be afraid. "That was very funny and you know it." She said, looking at me more intensely. I immediately relaxed as her warm gaze met mine; it made me feel like I was warm from the inside. "Shall I rephrase? Breakfast time for the human." I said partially teasing. "Oh, okay." She answered. Very gently but in my normal speed I threw her over my shoulder, I knew she wouldn't like that but, I did enjoy her kittenish anger, it was amusing in this case and she didn't fail me, she did protest this way of traveling as well. I went down stairs and sat her on a chair. "What's for breakfast?" She asked me, and that caught me off guard, I didn't know anything about human food. "Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?" I would need to learn about human food if I was going to spend a lot of time with her, which I was planning on. She grinned and hopped up, "That all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt." She was still trying to be funny, but I was not finding this subject humorous, how she can talk so lightly about what I am, it never ceases to amaze me. I just looked at her not looking at what she was doing, but looking at her movements. Her hair moving a bit with her, her chocolate brown eyes sparkling, even her awkward movements were amazing to me. She sat down to eat. "Can I get you anything?" She asked, I guess to be polite, but she should know better by now. I rolled my eyes, ridiculous, "Just eat, Bella." She began to eat, and I just looked at her again, the way she moved, the way her lips moved… Suddenly she cleared her throat to talk, "What's on the agenda for today?" she asked. "Hmmm…" How should I say this right, not too formal and yet not in a scary way? "What would you say to meeting my family?" she gulped, good, that is sign of fear. "Are you afraid now?" I said hopeful, though no one in my family will hurt her, still being under the same roof with seven vampires should be scary for her. "Yes," she admitted. "Don't worry I'll protect you," I smirked. Not that she would need much protection from anyone in my family, except Jasper maybe but I had the advantaged of the mind reading there.

"I'm not afraid of them, I'm afraid they won't… like me." She was imposable, how oddly her mind is working, she's afraid they won't like her, I almost laughed. "Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone… like me… home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?" She was so strange, how can she even consider things like that? Well might as well tell her everything, secrets in our house is not an exactly possible. "Oh they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, know," I tried to smile but my voice was still off remembering Emmett's little bet. "On whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in our family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all of that." I grimaced internally, I was betting against Alice with all I've got, with the most important thing I have, I was betting on Bella's soul. "And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget." That comment definitely side tracked me from my line of thought. "You paid attention", I smiled I couldn't help but feeling glad that she was getting to know me and my family, I don't know if I should be glad. "I've been known to do that every now and then." She grimaced, "So did Alice see me coming?" Did she have a sixth sense about which questions I don't want to answer, "Something like that," I said uncomfortable while looking away from her so she won't see the pain in my eyes. The burned image of Bella white with crimson eyes, _it won't happen _I chanted to myself. She stopped eating, might as well tease her to lighten the mood, mine at least. "Is that any good?" I asked eyeing her breakfast, "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing." Like all human food looked to me. "Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" she murmured, I glowered at her, it was not a topic for joking on my account, but apparently it is on hers. She hurried through her breakfast deep in thoughts, I wondered for the million time what was she thinking about. I stared out the window seeing nothing, just Alice's old visions, the one which Bella would die by me was out it could never happen now that I am strong enough. The one with Alice and Bella both immortals couldn't happen either, she was too good for this kind of fate. The only future I could allow was the one with both of them friends, but Bella being human; she would always stay that way. A fierce pain shoot through my body when I realized that all her human life wouldn't be enough for me. I turned to look at her beautiful face to see that she too was looking at me, I smiled at her all wistful thoughts vanished. Since I was introducing her to my family it's only fair that it would go both ways, and she's not going to like that. "And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think." Well now I was going to use a different term then the one we started with _friends…_ "He already knows you," she reminded me, avoiding. "As your boyfriend I mean." Heat shoot through my body at the word boyfriend, better than friend, and yet still not enough. "Why?" she looked at me with suspicions eyes. "Isn't it customary?" I asked innocently. "I don't know," she admitted. "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to… I mean, you don't have to pretend for me." Oh, how little did she know, if I could I would go down on one knee and ask her to marry me right now, but that's not possible, stick to reality. "I'm not pretending," I told her patiently. She was finishing her food, stalling. "Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" I demanded this time. "Is that what you are?" she asked hesitant, her heart made a funny sound at some thought she had. "It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy' I'll admit." I wasn't a boy like I wasn't human, but it's the best word. "I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she confessed looking at the table. My heart felt like it could beat, my body got warmer, and my chest felt swollen, at least now she understood just how strongly I feel about her. "Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details," I couldn't stand not looking at her face, it still thrilled me that I can do this, but I reached out and very gently with my finger lifted her chin to read her eyes, full of love, and embarrassment. Better to tease her, "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order on me." Like that will keep me away from her, I almost laughed.

"Will you be?" She asked sounding anxious. "As long as you want me," I assured her, ugh, I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't make promises I can't keep, I should leave, and can't. "I'll always want you, forever." She warned, only her forever and my forever where two different things, I sigh internally. I walked to her touching my fingertips to her cheeks watching then take a pink crimson color, beautiful. I couldn't take that or anything else human away from her, I have no right. And yet how I wish I could keep her forever, I could see it almost like I could see Alice's visions. Me and her forever together, never needing to worry about time or dangers, but it could never be. "Does that make you sad?" she asked, yes it does, but I didn't answer her, I didn't want to lie or tell half truths. I just looked into her melting chocolate brown eyes that were full of concern and love, looking at them and appreciating them, knowing I would never do anything do destroy them, they windows to her soul. I needed to cut this line of thought. "Are you finished?" I asked her. She jumped up "Yes." She looked so thrilled to be with me, that it still shocked me. "Get dressed – I'll wait here." I heard the noise that she made upstairs, but her heart was steady enough, could she really be not afraid? I thought about Alice, so excited to finally meet Bella, would Bella really want to be friends with a vampire? Knowing as much as I did about her, I guess the answer was yes. I sighed, how much would I let her get involved in my world? A world she didn't belong in. "Okay," I heard her say out, I run to the bottom of the stairs eager to see her again though it's only been minutes. "I'm decent." She half run down the stairs, and bounded straight into me. I looked at her, she was just so beautiful, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, she wore the same blue blouse that clang to her like second skin showing off her delicate curves, she also wore a khaki long skirt. I just took her in my arms and held her there. "Wrong again," I murmured into her ear, "You are utterly indecent – on one should look so tempting, it's not fair." Totally not fair, wanting her so bad, no matter how close I was so her it was not enough. "Tempting how?" she asked, totally oblivious to just how tempting she was, and that was without her scent, "I can change…" I sighed and shock my head, "You are so absurd." I very gently with a touch of a feather touched her forehead with my lips. A new decision spun in my head; perhaps it was time to push my luck some more this morning. "Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" I traced my finger very gently down her spin; my breathing sped up from the thought of what I was going to do next. I moved very slowly tilting my head closer to hers and again with a touch of a feather pressed my lips to her and very slightly parting them. Ah, the warmth, the touch, was so pleasant that my head was spinning; it felt strange. Similar to a very vague memory of adrenaline in my veins, and yet closer to the electric tingling sensation I had when we were close to each over in the lab. And then she collapsed in my arms, what happened? What had I done? "Bella?" I asked alarmed, I caught her and helped her up. "You… made… me… faint..." she accused in a dizzy voice."What am I going to do with you?" I groaned in exasperation. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"

She laughed weakly, what could she possibly find funny about this situation? "So much for being good at everything," I sigh, thinking of her earlier words. "That's the problem, you're too good. Far, far too good." Her words weren't making sense side effects from passing out? "Do you feel sick?" I asked, I've seen her like this before. "No – that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened. I think I forgot to breath." She shook her head apologetically. Still maybe she should rest, "I can't take you anywhere like this." Maybe she wasn't up to meeting more vampires for now. "I'm fine." She insisted. "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?" she had a point there. I looked at her again, she seemed composed enough, she seemed beautiful, and this color complimented her face. "I'm very partial to that color with your skin." She flushed and looked away; she still had some getting used to compliments to do. "Look I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" she asked. "And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" I asked, still a little stunned by the fact that she can think this way. "That's right," She asked with a bit of surprise in her tone. I just shook my head, "you're incredible." And it did work for my advantage I couldn't ignore that. I drove this time, not only didn't she know where I lived, but also she drove slower than usual when I was around.

A/N : Pleasssssssssssssssssssssssse read and review!!!!!!!

Thanks in advance 

The next chapter will appear soon…..


	6. Chapter 6

16. The Cullens

I drove the very familiar road, not paying any attention to the driving part at all, all my focus was to the girl sitting beside me. I replayed yesterday and today in my mind over and over again, luxuriating on the pleasant memories. I saw the shock crossing her face when we reached the house. "Wow", was all that she could say. "You like it?" I asked smiling; playing with her ponytail "It… has a certain charm." Sure I thought, if by charmed you mean inhabited by seven vampires. I chuckled at thought; it didn't seem to bother her for the right reason. "Ready?" I asked opening her passenger door. "Not even a little bit – let's go." Her laugher got stuck in her throat, she was very nervous; I didn't need Jasper to know that. I could feel it myself, nervous for all the wrong reasons, but still… She smoothed her hair nervously. "You look lovely", I reassured her, and took her hand. I gently rubbed soothing circles on the back of her hand to try and calm her, it didn't help though. I opened the door to the house, and watch the surprise spread on her face, we'll our house is not what you think, if you think of vampires houses. Carlisle and Esme were already waiting inside for Bella, then went down stairs when they heard her truck, like anyone could miss the noise that car made, super hearing or not. Carlisle already knew Bella, but Esme thoughts were radiating with joy, so happy that I found my true love at last. Jasper and Alice were upstairs, Alice was very excited, and Jasper was a bit worried. Her eyes were on our integrated hands and smugness flooded her mind. "Carlisle, Esme. This is Bella." Carlisle went first, "You're very welcome, Bella." He walking slowly towards her trying not to scare her off, he put his hand to shack her and she stepped forwards and shock it, and also I could feel that all her nervous went away so that was good. "It's so nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen." Hopefully she won't need to see him again as Dr. Cullen. "Carlisle." He corrected her, she grinned at him. Esme smiled and stepped forward _she's just so lovely and polite, what a lovely girl _she thought, and shock Bella's hand also, "It's very nice to know you." Bella had no idea how very much honest that comment was, but I think she guessed. "Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too." I could hear Alice's thought beaming from upstairs might as well try and make it human. "Where are Alice and Jasper?" Alice and Jasper were at the top of the stairs before I finished asking. "Hey, Edward!" Alice called with enthusiasm. She was so excited to finely meet Bella that human speed wasn't fast enough for her and she flow downstairs and stopped straight in front of Bella. "Hi, Bella!" she called and bounced forward to give her a kiss on the chick, I was tens and Jasper tasted that in the air, _relax Edward_ Alice yelled at me in her mind. Carlisle and Esme were also staggered, fearing that this would frighten her, I could tell from Jasper she was a bit afraid, a bit shocked, but nothing serious. _Bella is going to make a lovely sister, I can't wait to have her in the family_ Alice thought and I stiffened in response, this isn't going to happen! _Ow relax Edward_, she internally grinned at me, pleased. "You do smell nice, I never noticed before," Alice commented, she was pushing over the line; Bella was just embarrassed by the comment, a little nervous. Jasper dissuaded to ease things up, and I sensed the wave ease that he sent towards Bella. I just raised one eye brow at him, she was doing fine even without it. "Hallo, Bella," Jasper called not getting close to her or shacking her hand, _don't worry I'll keep my distance _he told me in his mind. "Hallo, Jasper," She answered shyly. "It's nice to meet you all – you have a very beautiful home." She added. "Thank you, we're so glad you came." _Such a brave and bright girl, and after all the difficulty's Edward had he can just hold her hand with no effort _Esme was so dilated. _Edward_ Carlisle thought and caught my attention _I don't know if you should tell Bella so I'm leaving that choice to you._ _But I think you should know that Alice saw other coming. Three others, there just curious interested since there are so many of us and they have not encountered any of our kind in a long time. There is no danger, but there is a need for caution. _He didn't think the name, but I saw in his mind that he meant Bella. I nodded once hoping Bella haven't noticed, there no need to tell her right now. Alice reassured me also, _no need to worry Edward, I'm keeping an eye on them and Bella, they aren't going near town or her, so don't sweat it._

Esme noticed Bella staring at the piano, "Do you play?" she asked her and inclined her head towards the piano. "Not at all. But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?" _Edward hasn't reviled her his talents yet? _"No," Esme laughed, "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?" I putted on an innocent expression; there still so much she doesn't know about me. "No." Bella glared at me, "I should have known, I guess." Esme looked just confused at the comment; I'm not the only one that had a hard time understanding Bella. "Edward can do everything, right?" She explained. Jasper couldn't help but snickering _show off. _Esme just looked reproving, "I hope he haven't been showing off – it's rude." _Edward it's not very polite _she added in her mind. "Just a bit," and I couldn't help but laugh at the conclusion Bella made. _Ow Edward she is just so wonderful, and you are so well in control just holding her hand… _Esme thought looking at me _I know_ I wanted to tell her back, but no one could hear my thoughts, luckily. "He's been too modest, actually," She corrected herself. "Well, play for her," Esme encouraged me, but I didn't really feel like it. "You just said showing off was rude." I said trying to avoid, what I saw through Alice was unavoidable. "There are exceptions to every rule." Esme answered _I'm sure hearing you play would impress her very much. _"I'd like to hear you play", Bella also added, _see_ Esme urged. "It's settled then." Esme pulled me to the piano and I automatically pulled Bella with me, I just couldn't stand being away from her. I sat her on the bench beside me. I gave her a long exasperated look and turned to the keys to play.

I enjoyed her reaction of shock as I started to play Esme's favorite composition. Her mouth actually fell open and everyone chuckled at her reaction, I just enjoyed it. _I think sometime alone would be needed here _Alice thought and she tagged Jasper by the arm and went upstairs to her room. Carlisle and Esme also left the room leaving us alone, without Bella even noticing. I winked at her, "Do you like it?" I asked her. "You wrote this?" she gasped in understanding. I nodded, "It's Esme's favorite." She closed her eyes and started shaking her head, why did she do that? Did this make her think of something bad? "What's wrong?" I asked her aloud, I couldn't stand not knowing. "I'm feeling extremely insignificant." How can I show her how significant she really is, the center of my world. I changed the music to her lullaby maybe that will help her understand. "You inspired this one." I told her, just to show her; maybe she could start grasping how much she means to me. She couldn't speak, I liked the fact that I left her speechless, but I wanted to hear the sound of her voice. Thinking of her earlier insignificant anxiety I thought I should shove her completely, in case she had any doubt. "They like you, you know. Esme especially." She looked around noticing that we're alone now. "Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose." I know. She sighed, why? "They like me. But Rosalie and Emmett…" Well she was right on one out of two, I frowned. "Don't worry about Rosalie, she'll come around." I said while trying to persuade her with my eyes. I'm sure Rosalie would come around, I just don't know when, I'm not banking on it happening in this decade the way thing are going with her. She pursued her lips skeptically; my attempt to persuade her hadn't worked clearly. "Emmett?" she asked. Well this wasn't bad; Emmett didn't have a problem with her, only with me. "Well, he thinks _I'm_ a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie." I hoped that's possible, but it didn't have my hopes high. "What is it that upsets her?" Bella asked a bit shyly. I sighed, I didn't want to talk about Rosalie and her issues and her problem with Bella, and well I guess I have no choice, just no need to mention she's jealous of Bella, because I want Bella and not her. "Rosalie struggles the most with… with what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous." I saw surprise and shock cross her face, "Rosalie is jealous of me?" she asked incredulously. "You're human; she wishes that she were, too." I shrugged, we all knew how much Rosalie wanted to be human, now I wanted it as bad as she did, so that I could be with Bella without endangering her. "Oh," she muttered in a stunned voice. "Even Jasper, though…" she went on when she recovered. "That's really my fault." Jasper had no problem with Bella, he thought she was going to be one of us, no rules broken, no problem, but it wasn't going to happen. "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I wanted him to keep his distance." She just smelled too good to everyone, not as nearly as how much she smelled to me, but too much still. She shuddered, some normal reaction at last! "Esme and Carlisle?" she went on quickly as if not wanting me to notice, but of course I did. It was a bit strange talking like this knowing everyone in the house could hear me. "Are happy to see me happy." I went on to answer her question. "Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me… she's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she about to chokes with satisfaction." She had no idea, even with the tragedy waiting to happen Esme was thrilled to have me find my true love. "Alice seems very… enthusiastic." Bella commented, like anyone couldn't notice how enthusiastic Alice is. In her mind Bella is already her best friend and sister. The memory of the vision of Bella with crimson eyes had me talking through tight lips, "Alice has her own way of looking at things." I wasn't going to tell Bella about it, no need to give her ideas. "And you're not going to explain that are you?" she commented, observant as always. We didn't say anything for a moment, I couldn't talk, she knew I was keeping something from her, something I have no intention on telling her, ever.

"So what was Carlisle telling you before?" She asked, and caught me completely off guard. "You noticed that, did you?" I asked incredulous, I can't hide anything from her can I? "Of course," she shrugged. Of course. Should I tell her right away? That might be too much, but then again nothing did seem to scare her. Then I decided I should tell her, slowly, since it would change my behavior and I didn't want her to think I was insane. And she should change hers, her walking alone in the woods scenario, would be very bad in this case. "He wanted to tell me some news – he didn't know if it was something I would share with you."

"Will you?" She asked. "I have to, because I'm going to be a little… overbearingly protective over the next few days," that was an underestimate, she's not going to be out of my sight whether she knows it or not, "Or weeks – and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant."

"What's wrong?" she asked wary. "Nothing's wrong, exactly. Alice's just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curios." Curios and Bella is a bad combination. These are not visitors like Peter and Charlotte who wouldn't come close to town because we requested them too. And if they come across Bella's scent… I almost chattered at the thought. But they aren't planning to come near town or us, still too wary for now. "Visitors?" She asked curios herself, but also wary. "Yes…" I was a bit reluctant to give her the full details. "Well, they aren't like us, of course – in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone." Bella shivered, "Finally, a rational response!" I murmured, mostly to myself but loud enough for her to hear, "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all." She made no comment at my remark though, but she didn't look at me. Instead she looked at the room around us, time to change topic of conversation and lighten the mode. "Not what you expected is it?" I asked. "No," she admitted it. Well the fact that we have a house was abnormal to our kind, but it also didn't fit with what humans thought vampires houses would look like. "No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners, I don't even think we have cobwebs… what a disappointment this must be for you," I went on slyly and teasingly. "It's so light… so open."

Yes there was no need for us to be careful from the sun around here, no goes this far out of town. "It's the one place we never have to hide." No human façade at home and this was my home, and now that I have Bella here with me I know no other house would ever be home to me. "Thank you," she murmured when I finished playing. I saw that there were tears in her eyes, this time I knew it was not from any form of pain, but from movement, I song touched her and moved her, like she moved me. Embarrassed she dabbed them and wiped them from her face, but she missed one. I very lightly touched the corner of her eye to the one she missed. I lifted the finger examining the drop of moist, it had no weight in my hand, and it smelled a little like Bella, mixed with other scent like salt and something else I didn't recognize at all? I wonder how it would taste like. I put my finger in my mouth quickly and tasted it. It was delicious, but also had an off flavor, like hunting predators it tasted better than ordinary animal blood, but not as nearly as good as human blood. It still had some of Bella flavor in it; delicious beyond anything I tasted before, tainted but still… Bella looked at me questioningly and I looked at her for a long moment trying very hard not to think of how she would taste like, and then when I won that battle, which was quite easy when I looked into her adoring chocolate brown eyes, I smiled at her.

"Do you want to see the rest of the house?" I asked her. That was acceptable thing to do, only in my room there was no comfortable bed waiting for her, only a couch, maybe I would change that. And then I looked better into my motivations on wanting a bed in my room and decided that after all it was not such a good idea, wanting her that close to me was dangerous. "No coffins?" she asked sarcastically, but there was still genuine concern in her voice. I couldn't help myself and laughed, and then took her hand to lead the way. "No coffins," I promised her. It still pleased me as we walked up the stairs to the second floor that I could hold her hand, and feel her heat, breathe her scent and resist all of my urges. Not without effort but it was worth it. We went to the second floor first. "Rosalie and Emmett's room… Carlisle's office… Alice's room…" I gestured to her as we passed near the doors. Carlisle was in his office reading, but he heard us passing and his thoughts were full of joy at my own happiness. Alice was a little annoyed that I didn't invite Bella into her room, but I didn't want to, it's too much, if not for Bella then for me. I wanted to take her to the next floor, but she stopped walking, so I looked to see what made her stop. She was staring at the cross. "You can laugh. It is sort of ironic." Considering most humans thought that crosses can scare us away having one hanged in our house could be quite a surprise. She didn't laugh she reached her hand almost to touch it, but she didn't. "It must be very old," she guessed. I just shrugged; nothing was old for us, "Early sixteen-thirties, more or less." She turned to look at me shocked and surprised, "why do you keep it here?" she asked. "Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father."

"He collected antiques?" She guessed doubtfully. I guessed that humans had a hard time grasping the meaning of immortally. "No. he carved this himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached." She turned to look at the cross again, as if to hide her face, but I could see the shock crossing her face. She didn't say anything, it got me worried. Will she understand that she shouldn't be with me because her life will go on and I will always be seventeen, even in three hundred years like Carlisle? "Are you alright?" I asked after a few minutes of charged silence, letting her mind wrap around all those years that passed, and nothing changed in them. "How old is Carlisle?" She asked in a small voice, but didn't answer my question. "He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday." I answered her question, watching the answer sink in. She looked but at me her warm chocolate brown eyes sparkling with many questions. I monitored her reactions while I told her Carlisle's story in shortening time. "Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell's rule, thought." She still looked shocked, but a bit more composed as she processed the information I gave her. "He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man. As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves… and vampires." I noticed that she grow very still at the mention of the word vampire, how odd stillness was very unnatural for humans, but I went on anyway. "They burned a lot of innocent people – of course the real creature that he sought were not so easy to catch. When the pastor grew old, he placed his obedient son in charge of the raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist. But he was persistent, and more clever than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt. In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends, that was the way many lived. The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course," I couldn't help but let a dark laugh out, humans hunting vampires, though I was it in Carlisle's mind and had a perfect memory of it as if I were there – except for the blurriness that surrounded all human memories – and I still couldn't believe that they tried such madness. "And waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged." I looked at her and from some reason her face looked strained, but not in a nervous way, how peculiar. I went on, "He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle – he was twenty-three and very fast – was in the lead of the pursuit." Well he was very fast for a human, to compete with a running vampire, even a weak one, still… "The creature could have easily outrun them, bit Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell…" fell was not the right word, but I still had no intention on give her the full information on becoming a vampire, "On Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the street." I paused, thinking from where to continue. I looked at Bella and I saw she understood what I was doing, but I wasn't going to explain it to her. "Carlisle knew what his father would do." I went on, "The bodies would be burned – anything infected by the monster must be destroyed." Like the pain of the burning is not enough, to add fire to the inferno, I almost shuddered at the thought. "Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away from the alley while the mob fallowed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered." I could still remember all too clearly the pain for the transformation, I wasn't quite. "It was over then, and he realized what he had become." She still looked a bit shocked and disbelieving. Have I said too much? Have I frightened her and made her see the monster that I am? "How are you feeling?" I had to ask her. "I'm fine," she reassured me, but I wasn't completely convinced. She bit her lips in hesitation, curiosity still sparkling in her eyes. I smiled, she wasn't afraid she wanted to know more about my father, about our kind; about me… this actually filled me with a strange kind of joy, letting her get to know me. "I expect you have a few more questions for me." She bit her lip again. This triggered a strange reaction in my body I was just starting to get to know, a tingling feeling of something like electricity, the need to get even closer to her, but now was not the time, I focused myself. "A few," She answered shyly. My smil got even wider as I thought how her wanting to get to know me, ignoring the horror of what if she knew me too well and didn't like the real me, the monstrous me. Her hand was still in mine so I pulled her very gently back to Carlisle's office. "Come on, then, I'll show you." I encouraged her, as I saw she was a bit staggered back by my response.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Again sorry for updating chapters so far apart... my work got kinda crazy the last few weeks....

Hope there are left few readers...

Please read and review...I really want to hear what do you think coz I'm getting to the more difficult parts and I really need to hear few new ideas.

Thanks in advance!!!!

17. Carlisle

I led her back to Carlisle's office. He heard us approaching, "Come in," he invited us in as soon as he heard me stop by the door. Carlisle was sitting in his chair and closed a book he was reading. "What can I do for you?" he asked pleasantly, getting up from his seat. Usually, there was no need for him to speak aloud when he was talking only to me, but he was being polite for Bella. "I wanted to show Bella some of our history," I told him, "Well your history actually." Again I felt this strange need for her to know me, and yet I didn't want her to know everything. "We didn't mean to disturb you," Bella apologized. _Such a polite, wonderful young girl, _Carlisle was thinking, _she's so good for you, just what you need, _he was thinking. "Not at all. Where are you going to start?" he asked me. "The Waggoner." I placed one hand very gently, barely touching her on her shoulder and turned her around so that she was facing the door that we came through. As I touched her even in this casual way, her heart reacted, and Carlisle and everyone in the house noticed that. _That reaction is not from fear I'm positive at this point, _Carlisle thought, and he was very pleased to see how much she was comfortable with me. I still had trouble getting used to it. I very gently pulled her to the left side of the painting covered wall. "London in the sixteen-fifties," I told her as she looked at the first picture of an old city. "London of my youth,"Carlisle added. Bella flinched, of course she didn't hear him walk towards us. I squeezed her hand just a little bit to reassure her. Carlisle was thinking about work. "Will you tell the story?" I asked him. Bella twisted a bit, I guess to see his face. Carlisle met her glance and smiled reassuringly at her, "I would, but I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning – Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do," he added grinning at me. Of course I knew them well; I saw them all in his mind. Carlisle gave another warm smile to Bella, and left the room very pleased, in his mind today is going better then he could imagined. Better because Bella showed no fear, which is still a bad thing, well at least I could tell she was afraid of other vampires. She had some survival instincts, but they were very poor. I watched her beautiful face to distract myself and that worked quit fast. "What happened then?" she asked and looked at me, "When he realized what had happened to him?"

I looked at a different picture a large landscape with dull colors. I told her Carlisle's story as detailed as I thought she could handle, I was so lost in the story that when I got to the part where Carlisle swam to France I suddenly heard her low voice "Is that possible?" Bella asked in a faint voice. "No. there are very few ways we can be killed." I saw that she was going to ask how can we be killed but I wasn't going to answer that, like the question how do you turn into a vampire. "So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself." I could see it in Carlisle mind the unbearable thirst, I could remember my own newborn thirst, and it still astonishes me that he was able to resist drinking blood all together. "One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared." The vile monster we all feared, that existed within us. "Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again." Found the way of life that we all lived by… most of the time. "He began to make better use of him time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and, - "

"He swam to France?" Bella asked shocked. "People swim the Channel all the time, Bella." I reminded her. "That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on." She answered, still a little stunned. "Swimming is easy for us – "I told her. "Everything is easy for you," she griped. I waited amused, it shouldn't be amusing that she thought of me as a superhero still, but in this context it was funny. "I won't interrupt again, I promise." She told me. We'll see how many seconds she can keep that promise up. I chuckled darkly as I dropped the next piece of information about vampire I was willing to share with her. "Because, technically, we don't need to breath." She was shocked. "You – " 15 seconds she lasted. "No, no, you promised," I laughed, and barely touching her skin I laid my finger on her lips. Immediately I wanted to lay my lips on hers again, but now was not the time for that. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me to say nothing." She mumbled against my finger. I lifted my hand from her lips and placed it on her neck, feeling the warmth and the pulsing blood, which now raced faster than usual. "You don't have to breathe?" Bella demanded, more like an accusation. "No, it's not necessary. Just a habit." I shrugged. The ability to hold my breath was the reason she was still here, alive. Shame washed me as I remembered breathing her scent for the first time, and how much I wanted her blood. It still burns me, but it is dimmed by the unbelievable amount of love I felt for her. "How long can you go… without breathing?" Bella asked, still shocked. "Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable – being with a sense of smell."

"A bit uncomfortable," she echoed in her beautiful voice. Will she realize the differences between us are much more than she thought? Too different. She didn't say anything; she was shocked and taken a back. Could this last piece of information be the end? Is that what will make her leave me? Deep pain shot through my body at the thought. I was absolutely motionless from the pain, she noticed. "What is it?" She asked touching my face. I could feel her warmth heating me, my face unfreezing under her soft touch. "I keep waiting for it to happen." I told her the truth, what was on my mind. "For what to happen?" She asked, and I could tell from her voice that she had no idea what I was talking about. "I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go." I smiled a half hearted smile, and felt the pain of such mental image ripping me to shreds. "I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…" I looked at her waiting for her response, waiting for her to make that crucial decision that will end me. "I'm not running anywhere," she promised, and all memories of distressed faded. Momentarily, but I still wanted her safe, how long would I be able to convince myself that I was protecting her? Well, for now with others of my kind nearby, I am going to be here, protecting her.

"We'll see," I said, smiling more naturally this time. Bella frowned at me and led me back to the reason why we were here. "So, go on – Carlisle was swimming to France." I looked at the next picture. The Volturi with Carlisle, it was by far the largest picture of them all, bigger than the door. "Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine – and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives." I remembered clearly, seeing it in his mind, the decision to be near human blood without drinking it, without being so much as tempted by it. It was still hard to understand how he could do this. "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital…" I looked away from her now. What would happen if Bella will trip or get a bleeding bruise? Could I be as strong as Carlisle? Would I be able to resist her flowing blood like I could resist her scent? Or would I end up killing the reason for my existence?

After a long moment I taped on the painting in front of us, remembering what we were doing here. "He was studding in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers." I could remember it through Carlisle, his time with the Volturi. I knew the law should be upheld and for a good reason, but still I didn't like them. Maybe it was the problem that I had with all of our kind that feed on humans. Now that I was in love with one my prospective on this matter became even more extreme. Bella lighted a startled laughter as she recognized Carlisle in the picture. "Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods." I chuckled, they probably did think of themselves as gods. "Aro, Marcus, Caius." I said, indicating the other three men in the picture. "Nighttime patrons of the arts." It was one of the names they called themselves; there is no need for Bella to know what they really are. "What happened to them?" Bella wondered aloud, her fingers hovering as if to touch the painting. "There still there," I shrugged; it was difficult for her mind to comprehend that my kind doesn't change, ever. "As they have been for who know how many millennia. Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades." It is not a short time to her, it isn't even short for me, but to the ancient one's it is. "He greatly admired their civility, their refinements, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source', as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see." It is that loneliness that eventually made him create me and Esme; I never resented him for it. Because I could read his mind I could read the pure motivations behind it, the need for companionship, for a family. "He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began to practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity." Getting attached to humans had the large disadvantages that they would die eventually or notice that you're not getting older at all.

"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd being turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act – since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try…" my voice grew low; I looked to the outside window. I could see it all, as I saw it clearly in Carlisle's memories. My parent's death, again I felt an old ancient pain as I remembered my mother's face in Carlisle's mind. I can remember his loneliness and his conclusion after my mother's request to save me, he decided to change me. I could still remember the pain of the transformation clearly, even after 90 years, it was crystal clear. I could see it through Carlisle's eyes and my own, the pain and confusion, of what have I become? But even with all of that I wasn't going to tell her the tenacities of becoming a vampire. I should also warn the others not to tell her, shouldn't be a problem, except for Alice… but I wasn't going to worry about that now, I should live in the present and enjoy the time I have with my angel, I looked at her again and smiled at just the sight of her face. "And so we've come full circle." I concluded. "Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" she wondered, curiously. Again another question I didn't want to answer, I didn't want her to know about my monsters' years, the lives I've ended no matter how justified they were. "Almost always," It was honest; I put my hand lightly on her waist and pulled her out through the door we came through. She looked back at the wall of pictures, with a speculative expression; I hoped she was distracted enough. We walked down the hall when she asked "Almost?" well I shouldn't expect her to forget anything. I sighed, I didn't want to answer, but I didn't want to lie, "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence – about ten years after I was… born… created, whatever you want to call it." Well might as well tell her the whole truth, let her see the real monster I am." I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented his for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time." Was it coming now? I was horrified, was she going to see the real monster, that I have feed on human blood for so long, ended so many lives…. "Really?" she asked with nothing but curiosity in her voice, could she really take me for what I am? Should she? She disserved a lot better. We were still walking and she looked in danger to fall since she wasn't really looking where she was going, I held her hand more firmly. "That doesn't repulse you?" I asked, after a long moment of silence. What was she thinking? "No," she answered point blank and I could tell that she really meant it. I was deeply relived though I shouldn't be. "Why not?" I asked, pushing my luck, and being impossibly curios myself. "I guess… it sounds reasonable." I laughed, maybe it was reasonable, but she wasn't and I was happy for that.

"From the time of my new birth, I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle – I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did. It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the… depression… that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thought of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl – if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible." I told her the full truth behind my decision, would she take the excuse I made for myself? She shivered and I could see she was lost in imagination. Imagining me hunting, I felt sick at myself. I had to stop her from thinking too much about it, to see clearly. "But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved." They loved me more than I disserved, like Bella loved me more than I was worthy. I stopped that train of thought as we reach my room, "My room," I informed her. I opened the door and pulled her through.

I read her face as she scrutinized my room, which I guess with all of the CD's and the stereo and no bed looked more like a record store. She looked at the fabric that covered the walls, "good acoustics?" she asked, still a little stunned. I chuckled at her expression and nodded. I took the remote control and turned on the stereo on a nice low background voice. She moved to the wall full of CD's, starting at them. "How do you have these organized?" she asked trying to find a pattern. "Umm, by year, and then by personal preferences within that frame?" I said absently, my mind was full with joy. She knew by now every single detail about me, knew and accepted me as I am, and loved me still. She turned to look at me, "What?" she asked. "I was prepared to feel… relived. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I like it. It makes me happy… happy." I shrugged, and I couldn't keep the smile off my face, letting myself experience this new sensation of joy from every direction. "I'm glad," she said, smiling back. She was happy too, she should be happy; she should be happy, safe in her home not in a house full of vampires. "You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?" she guessed, right on target as usual. I tried to smile but I couldn't, and I nodded. I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually." She tried to lie, but she didn't fool me, I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. However, that little remark demanded a serious reaction. So it's time to show her just how scary I can be, without harming her in any way of course. I flashed a wicked smile at her, "you really shouldn't have said that," I chuckled darkly. I growled a fierce growl, my lips curled back from my teeth. I shifted my body to a half-crouch, and tensed myself to spring. I did this all relatively slowly, to get the maximum impact and as inhuman as I could. She started to back away from me, glaring and horrified, "You wouldn't." And then I leaped quickly at her catching her in my arms, and protecting her with them as I curved her to my body for maximum protection. And then we crashed on the sofa and knocked it into the wall. She wasn't harmed, but she gasped for air as she tried to right herself. I wasn't having that, having her even an inch further away from me. The closer I had her the more it was not enough. I curled her into a ball against my chest, and held her gently and securely. She glared at me in alarm her breathing still not back to normal. I grinned at her. "You were saying?" I growled playfully this time. "That you are a very, very scary monster," she said trying to sound sarcastic with no doubt. "Much better," I approved.

"Um, can I get up now?" she asked struggling, or I guessed she was, it didn't affect me at all. I just laughed at her fable attempt, she was so frail. "Can we come in?" Alice called from the hall. Bella tried to move but I just moved her so she would sit on my lap. _What are you two doing? _Alice thought. She didn't see, giving us some privacy in her own way. Jasper was with her, a bit worried by the sounds of crushing. Alice peeked in and Bella chicks turned pink with blood, Alice didn't mind. "Go ahead," I told them while still chuckling. Alice walked to the middle of the room and sat on the floor. Jasper noticed Bella's checks flowing with blood, and I warned him with a look not to come closer. "It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice said playfully. I didn't consider the amount of noise I was making, I was having too much fun. Bella stiffened from fear, for a few seconds and then relaxed as she saw me grinning at Alice, very pleased with myself infect. "Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare," I answered my favorite sister, and held Bella even closer to me. _How does he do that? How can he stand it?_ Jasper was thinking while he took a deep burning breathe, but I ignored him, until I saw that he was warning me that he is coming into the room as well. "Actually," he said and walked in, slowly, "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?" _you should be after the last game you missed, to watch Bella sleeping. Emmett is still not over it. _I did in fact miss playing, it's being a while since I let go and had fun like that, but I hesitated, I didn't want to be away from Bella. Alice saw that I wasn't going anywhere without Bella. "Of course you should bring Bella," Alice chirped. Jasper threw her a frantic look. He wasn't happy about the idea of having Bella nearby, a constant temptation. "Do you want to go?" I asked her full of hope. "Sure. Um, where are we going?" Bella asked, a bit shaken, but I guessed from her clumsiness that she wasn't a big sports fan. "We have to wait for thunder to play ball – you'll see why," I promised her. Thunder was the only sound that can drawn the collision of the ball getting hit by a bat swung at the speed that we do, not to mention the accession collisions with ourselves aren't low on sound as well. "Will I need an umbrella?" Bella asked. "Will she?" Jasper asked Alice, though he didn't really care. "No. the storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing." Alice declared. "Good, then." Jasper was enthusiastic and it was contagious, Bella was getting enthusiastic as well. "Let's go see if Carlisle will come," Alice said and got up. "Like you don't know," Jasper teased her. And I could see in her mind that Carlisle will want to come. And she wanted Bella there so they'll have time to bound, and be the friends that she saw Bella being with her. "What will we be playing?" Bella asked, after Jasper closed the door behind him. "You will be watching," I clarified, Emmett would kill me if he'll have to play like a human, beside there's a good chance she will get hurt if she would play and I wasn't having that. "We will be playing baseball." Bella rolled her eyes. "Vampires like baseball?" she asked incredulous. "It's the American pastime," I answered her seriously.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hi guys sorry it took me so long to update, I've been very busy, but the next few chapter are ready so I'll update more often from now on hopefully. You're all welcome to leave comments and replays.

18. Broken Treaty

I drove Bella to her house filed with joy. Despite Rosalie's and Emmett's absence, and Alice's over enthusiasm, today was clearly a success. As I got near her house I heard thoughts that shouldn't be there, Jacob and Billy Black. "Unbelievable, inexcusable," I hissed under my breath too low of Bella to hear. I heard Billy's concern for Bella and his decision to warn Charlie about me, despite the treaty that should prevent this. And there was Jacob who was embarrassed by his father's supposed superstitions, and very disappointed to see me here with her. Too disappointed for my liking.

"This is crossing the line," I told Bella so she could hear this time. "He came to warn Charlie?" Bella asked in a scared voice. I nodded to her. _He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near her, too dangerous, I have to warn Charlie. _I answered his thoughts with an angry expression. "Let me deal with this," Bella said, but she sounded anxious, I guess she didn't want Charlie to hear Billy's warning and neither did I, for that matter.

I thought about it and talking to Billy and remind him that what he's doing is out of line. It seemed like a bad idea, it's not like he would believe anything I have to say, or listen for that matter. "That's probably best. Be careful, though. The child has no idea." Her eyes flashed when I said the word child. "Jacob is not that much younger than I am." She reminded me. "Oh, I know" I informed her. I didn't like the fact that she seemed fond of him, so I thought I should make it clear that he has no chance. I grinned. She sighed and put her hand on the door handle. "Get them inside so I can leave." I told her. Now going in to her house with her wouldn't be the best idea. "I'll be back around dusk," I continued. "Do you want my truck?" She asked, and looked into space, speculatively. I rolled my eyes, and suppressed a chuckle, "I could walk home faster than this truck moves," that was very true. "You don't have to leave," she said wistfully. I couldn't help but smile at her gloom expression; how I very wish that I could just stay with her, and never leave her. I stopped myself from thinking there, "Actually, I do." I won't let the Black's disturb me, after she'll get rid of them, there is still our original plan. "After you get rid of them," I threw the Black's a dark glance for her benefit, "You still have to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend." I grinned widely, showing all my teeth, but in warning for Billy Black who was staring at me with hateful eyes and thoughts. She groaned, "Thanks a lot," She actually sounded a little scared, how odd. I smiled at her to reassure her, and her heart reacted to that. "I'll be back soon," I promised her, and myself since I hated to leave, and was already thinking about seeing her again. _This can't be serious, how can she not notice that there is something wrong with him? I must prevent this from getting serious no matter at what cost. _Well Billy wasn't happy about us that much was sure, maybe I should give him something more to be angry with. I leaned in and kissed Bella under her jaw line, I heard her heart lunching into high speed, and felt her blood flowing more quickly under my lips. Even as it lunched flames down my throat it wasn't as bad as the first day, easier all the time, I enjoyed it more then it made me suffer.

Bella looked at Billy and saw his changed expression. _He couldn't be so close to her. What is he thinking… how… what… _He was so furious that even his thoughts where beyond words. He was furious and worried for his best friend's daughter. So I couldn't be mad about him too much, he wanted what's best for her, which was clearly not me.

"Soon," Bella said as she got out of her car and stepped out to the rain, I looked at her figure half-running to the porch, I missed her already. "Hey, Billy. Hi, Jacob," She greeted them cheerfully, but there was an edge in her voice. Bella and Billy exchanged a few words, she seemed very uncomfortable. I was a statue of stress, and then Jacob looked at me again, I had to remind myself to fidget.

Billy seemed to be examining her, noticing her anxiety and her flush, he was not happy, he was planning to also try and warn her directly himself. Will she listen to him? Will she see the disaster and danger and leave me? Agony ripped through me at the thought. No she won't leave me; I could see that as she turned to give me a final look with longing in her eyes. I kept that look in the front of my mind and I got out of her truck close the door and run back home.

As I got in the door Alice jumped on me with a hug, "This is just fabulous," she was thrilled that I was going the way she wanted me too. I didn't mind so much now, she could be friends with Bella, but Bella was staying human. Jasper was close by drawn by all the uplift, from me, Alice and Emmett were very happy since Alice told him that I was going to the game with all of them. Jasper didn't really want to be near Rosalie and her fury and resentment.

"Good to see you joining in family activities again," _since last time you missed a game to watch a sleeping girl_, Emmett said and thought. "It will be great to see you playing again, you're our best runner," he continued. "He's on my team," Alice beam. "Not fair," Emmett wasn't happy. "It's only fair," Esme add as she came to us with Carlisle. Everyone where grinning at me now, and I was grinning too, happy.

"She's not actually going to play with us, is she?" Emmett asked annoyed at the thought that he is going to have to play in human pace. "No, of course not. She's just going to watch." "Oh cool, you'll think she'll see anything?" He asked skeptical. "I don't care as long as she is there, that's enough for me." _That is so sweet _Esme thought full of joy. Then Alice saw me driving Emmett's car to pickup Bella. "What's the problem?" Alice asked. "Running makes her a little faint." Alice laughed. "So I guess, I'm asking to barrow your car, and you don't mind." I told Emmett and laughed. "It's cool," He agreed. "How did it go with Rosalie today?" I asked him. He didn't answer, but I saw in his mind the way Rosalie's eyes flashed every time he mentioned Bella's name. I sighed. I looked outside and saw that I still had time before it was time to pick Bella up, too much time. Jasper felt my restlessness _bad luck_ he thought. I needed some privacy to get my thoughts straight. But first I needed to talk to Carlisle.

"Carlisle, a moment please," he's golden eyes looked curiously at me and we walked together outside. "The Black family seemed to be withdrawing from our treaty." _How could this be? _Carlisle thought concerned. "Billy Black came to warn Bella's father about me." _You think he would have told him about us? About what we are? _"It's hard to tell, but if it came down to it I think that yes, he would have told him." _Would have? _"Bella was there and she will try to convince them to leave without talking to Charlie, since he wasn't there." _I hope she'll succeed, it will be bad if she won't. It wouldn't be helpful if Charlie thought you were dangerous._"No. It wouldn't that's why Bella is going to introduce me to Charlie as her boyfriend tonight, regardless." _Good luck_. "Thank you." Carlisle was still a little concern, but I went inside the house now.

I went to my room, it looked like a stranger's room, Bella was here just once and it already looked empty without her. I put on the same music I heard when she was here, and went to take a shower, put on fresh clothe and brush my hair. I let only pleasant memories flow my mind. Bella telling me she loved me, kissing her touching her, hearing her voice, seeing her smile, and this all helped, but it was still her company that I yearned. I looked outside of the window and saw that I still had too much time. Alice knocked and let herself in. "How are you feeling?" She asked me. "Fine," I answered in a flat voice. She came near me, "It will be alright you know," She grinned at me. "What do you mean by alright?" She thought about her words carefully, "We'll all be one big happy family," She beamed. "And what about Bella's family now?" I challenged her. She didn't have an answer to that. "That's what I thought." I told her in a cold voice. "You can be stubborn, but eventually she'll be with us. With the man she loves and her best friend as her sister." Alice's words painted a very happy future in my head, but happy only for me. I looked outside and saw that it's time to go, finally. I grinned, "See you soon," Alice winked at me. And I took Emmett's car keys, got in and drove to Bella's house, feeling nothing but the joy of seeing her again. The thought of Bella in my family as one of us crept in, I tried to banish it from my head and replace it with Bella being a part of my family while being human, as long as it was humanly possible.


	9. Chapter 9

19. On The Way

The engine of the jeep was louder than the Volvo, and when I was close enough to the house for Bella to hear me, she and her heart jumped. Her father's thoughts where full of anxiety, I felt a little guilty about taking her to play ball with seven vampires.

I turned off the engine, got out of the car and rang the door bell in one fluent movement. I heard both Bella's and Charlie's footsteps coming towards the door; she was a few steps behind him. "Come on in, Edward." Bella sighed in relief; I didn't understand that as his thoughts were unsurprisingly disapproving. Unlike Bella herself even her father like every other human noticed the danger I was.

Well I'll try and make the best impression to delete his suspension and disapproval, "Thanks, Chief Swan," I said in a very respectful voice. Politeness and courtesy usually do the job well enough, or confuse people enough. "Go ahead and call me Charlie. Here, I'll take your jacket." He replayed, a little bit more at ease now. "Thanks, sir." I said keep my façade perfectly. "Have a seat there, Edward." Charlie said and Bella grimaced. Why? So far it's going well enough. I sat down on the chair, the only chair and Charlie sat with unhappy Bella on the sofa. Bella shoot me a dirty look, this meeting was something she didn't planed on for a long time I guessed. I winked at her behind his back. Surly she knew by now how old fashioned I was, about this things.

"So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball." Charlie said. There was no surprise that she told him the truth on what we were doing, she was a horrible actress. "Yes, sir, that's the plan." I answered him, I thought that his thoughts were more ease as he realized Bella will be only watching, and not playing. "Well, more power to you I guess." Charlie said and then laughed; I joined in quickly remembering Bella _trying_ to play any kind of sports. "Okay," Bella stood up and looked every irritated, "Enough humor at my expense. Let's go." She walked to the hall and took her jacket, Charlie and I both fallowed her. "Not too late, Bell." Charlie said worried again. "Don't worry Charlie, I'll have her home early," I promised him, trying to sooth him, but it did very little to his worries. "You take care of my girl, all right?" Charlie said, worryingly, Bella groaned, but we both ignored her. "She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir." I emphasized every word, willing it to be true, and hating myself knowing that it wasn't completely true. Bella stalked out angrily, and both I and Charlie laughed.

After only a few steps out the porch Bella stopped and stared at Emmet's jeep. Charlie let out a low whistle, worryingly and appraisingly, "Wear your seat belt," he barley chocked out from anxiety. After Bella recovered herself she went to the passenger door and I went with her and opened it for her. She looked speculatively at the seat and the second Charlie looked away, with a sigh I pushed her up and in with one hand. Charlie got to the window and tried to get a glance at us, but the rain was too heavy for human eyes. I walked to the driver's seat in a human pace just in case. "What's all of this?" She asked me as I got in, trying to find which buckle goes where. "It's an off-roading harness," I explained her. "Uh-oh," her voice was ominous, and I suppressed a chuckle. After a few moments impatience got the best of me and with a sigh I helped her, but as my fingers got close to her skin I couldn't help but linger on her skin. Heat flushed under my fingers, blood rushing. I took a deep breath and let her scent ripple through me, she smelled so good and sweet in the rain, it was an odd combination, and a painful one. I ignored the fiery thirst and pushed it to the back on my mind, and drove off.

"This is a… um… big jeep you have." Bella said in a strained voice after a few minutes of silence. "It's Emmet's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way." I explained her, still remembering her last reaction to my running. "Where do you keep this thing?" She asked. Well I didn't show her our garage. "We remodeled one of the outbuildings into a garage." We had a few more cars that she didn't know about; maybe I should show her my Vanquish, take her on a long ride, a speed limited ride? Well maybe not.

"Aren't you going to put on your seat belt?" she asked in confusion. I just gave her a disbelieving look. I guess she didn't know exactly how hard I was; well I guess she'll get a little demonstration tonight. After a few minutes of silence fear came to her eyes and I automatically panicked. "Run the whole way? As in, we're still going to run part of the way?" Her voice was raised in a few octaves from fear. I couldn't help but grin, "You're not going to run." I can't even count in my mind how many times she would fall on the way to the clearing, walking, running would be worse. "I'm going to be sick." It made me sad that that was even a possibility for her. "Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine." I said, remembering her advice from last time.

She bit her lip and that was a very distracting sight, I wanted to put my lips on her again, but now was not the time. I should test myself first, I leaned in and kissed the top of her head, and I couldn't suppressed the groan that escaped through my lips, as her scent burned sweeter than ever and with the heat of her body so close, it burned me more painfully then before. I had to remind myself that gripping the steering wheel stronger would break it, it was already protesting weakly too weakly for Bella to hear against my grip. She looked at me in a puzzled look. "You smell so good in the rain," I explained to her, taking a deep breath of flames and trying to push the thirst to the back of my mind again. "In a good way, or in a bad way?" She asked cautiously. I signed, "Both, always both." I deserved the pain for putting her in danger, but if the pain of the burn was the only price then I'll take it, gladly.

But with Bella on my side and the road speeding under my tires it was hard to feel gloomy for long. I didn't drive too fast because Bella jumped up and down her seat, despite the seatbelt and she didn't look happy about it, but it couldn't help but smile. After a while we reached the end of the driving road. "Sorry, Bella, we have to go on foot from here." I tried to comfort her. "You know what? I'll just wait here." She sounded scared, another wrong thing to be afraid of. "What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning." Too extraordinary, it should bother me how comfortable she was with my family, my vampire family, but it was hard when she was standing beautifully breath taking near me. "I haven't forgotten the last time yet." It was odd that it was just yesterday, it seemed so long ago, since everything changed so completely in such a short time. I got out of the car and went to her side and unbuckled her. "I'll get those, you go on ahead," She protested weakly. "Hmmm…." Well what I am going to do now? Well maybe I should try and dazzle her again, going blank seems like a good reaction now. "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory." Before she could react I took her out of the car and got her feet to the ground, and held her to stable her first weak step.

"Temper with my memory?" She asked in a nervous voice. Very slowly I placed both of my hands on the jeep from both of her sides trapping her in, I leaned forward, and she leaned back pressing herself to the door. I leaned my face even closer, until our faces were just inches from each over. I pulled her scent in, getting used to the extra sweet scent the rain brought and heat of her body, before I would kiss her.

"Now, what exactly are you worried about?" It seemed that even my scent confused her. "Well, um, hitting a tree, and dying and then getting sick." She gulped in the middle, making her talking sound like stuttering. I pushed my lips into a hard line in order not to smile from pleasure, at the havoc that even my mere proximity cased her. I bent forward and with a touch of a feather I put my lips lightly on the hollow of beneath her throat. The blood rush under my lips and her heartbeat quickened.

"Are you still worried now?" I only murmured against her skin; enjoy her soft and warm skin. "Yes." She managed to chock out, "About hitting trees and getting sick." Her response was again a stutter, even more mumbled now. She was having difficulty with coherent thinking already, excellent. I took the tip of my nose and drew a line until I reached her chin. "And now?" I whispered my lips on her jaw, her breathing and her heart stuttered in response. "Trees," she gasped, "Motion sickness." She was still a little panicked, but very distracted indeed.

I lifted my lips and kissed her eye leads."Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?" I asked her in disbelieve, staring in to her deep into her eyes "No, but I might." Yes, but luckily she wasn't running. Her voice was weak and unsure. I kissed her down her check and stopped at the corner of her mouth, saving the best for last. "Would I let a tree hurt you?" I touched her lower lips with my lip, in a faintest touch then a feather caress. "No," she breathed, and I won this argument. "You see," I said as I gently brushed my lips on hers once with the lightest of touches, "There's nothing to be afraid of, is there?" I said moving my lips with her very very gently. "No," She sighed in defeat, and her breath carried her scent that hit the back of my throat. It burned; it staggered me a little bit.

The touch of my hands was more rough than usual, my lips a little harsher, yet even so it was not more than the gentleness caress to me. After a few seconds her reaction changed and startled me, she threw her arms around my neck pressing her body to me as closely as she can. The heat of her body pressed on me; it was pleasurable and painful at the same time. She sign and her lips parted sending a concentrated wave of her scent straight to my throat, setting it on fire. Too much. I staggered back, breaking her hold effortlessly. "Damn it, Bella." I couldn't even finish a sentence I had to breathe, "You'll be the death of me. I swear you will." I wasn't the only one off balance; Bella leaned over, bracing her hands against her knees for support. "You're indestructible," she mumbled, still trying to organize her breathing and her heart beat. Maybe I was indestructible physically, but hurting her would destroy me. "I might have believed that before I met you. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," I growled, thinking about what I wanted to do most right now. With the thirst at easing I wanted to pull her even closer, her strongest grip was not tight enough for me. I took three more deep breaths to organize my passion and my thirst. Better. I came to her and threw her gently across my back, really concentrating on doing it gently. She locked her hands and legs around me, I trusted her enough for it to be securely, it didn't feel strong to me. "Don't forget to close your eyes," I warned her. She tucked her face in my shoulder. I gave her a few moments and started running towards the familiar clearing.

As I run I tried to clear my mind and my body, from the thirst, the desire, and most of all of the self-loathing for letting Bella put herself in such danger. I stopped when we reach the far end of the clearing, a few feet of trees separating us. She didn't respond so I reached back and touched her hair. "It's over, Bella." It was clearly better than last time. She opened her eyes and they were surprised. She unlocked her arms from me, but not her legs, and she fell, landing on her back. "Oh!" she huffed when she landed. I looked at her incredulously, how did she manage to do that? Legs first arms later, too complicated for her I guess? Or did running with her eye closed still manage to get her dizzy? Her expression turned wildered, and I couldn't help it, I just burst into laughter. She got up on her own and cleaned the back of her jacket. She looked so angry and betrayed that it made me laugh even harder. She only looked more annoyed; she began to stalk into the forest, in the wrong direction.

I came to her and put my arms around her waist. "Where are you going, Bella?" I asked her, still chuckling. "To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you." She was still angry, and it still made me want to laugh. "You're going the wrong way." I told her my voice full of amusement. She tried to stalk off in the opposite direction, which was still not the right one. I caught her again. "Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face." Another chuckle slide out at the memory of her face. "Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" She challenged me raising her eyebrows. No double standards, right. "I wasn't mad at you." I corrected her, how can I be mad at her? "Bella, you'll be the death of me?" She quoted me, and sounded sour. But it was very true. "That was simply a statement of fact." A very painful fact. She tried to turn away from me with anger, but I held her back, close to me. "You were mad," Her chin jerked up stubbornly. "Yes." "But you just said –", I stopped her mid sentence, and continued from where she stopped. "That I wasn't mad at you. Can't you see that, Bella? Don't you understand?" I said it with far too much intensity, it startled her. "See what?" She demanded confused. I guess that through the filter of her love she didn't see how bad it was for her that I stayed with her. How selfish I really am. "I'm never angry with you – how could I be? Brave, trusting… warm as you are." I told her, my voice full of sadness at any thought of a future without her. "Then why?" She asked, distracted. Her eyes seemed to drift away, maybe she was remembering other times when I tried to say goodbye, and couldn't do it.

I took my hands and slowly and very gently put them on both side of her face, her angel face, and explained to her in a gentle voice, "I infuriate with myself. The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to –" She placed her hand on my mouth to stop me from continuing. "Don't," She ordered me in a soft voice, it pained me to see the pain in her eyes at the thought of separation. What have I done? Now there is truly nothing I can do right by her. I took her hand off my lips, away from my teeth and placed it on my check instead. The warmth of her hand, the love in her eyes, those are the thing I could never let go of.

"I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true." I can't imagine loving her more, but maybe if I will love her even more, I will find the strength in that love to leave. I looked at her beautiful face, lingering on her chocolate brown eyes filled with love, trace her nose, and moved to her full lips. "Now, please try to behave yourself," I warned her. Again with a feather touch I put my lips on hers, how much I wish I was a human so I could kiss her, without the need for delicacy, the other choice I did not allow myself to think of. This time Bella managed to restrain herself. She signed and I pulled back, with a suppressed sigh of my own.

"You promised Chief Swan that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going." She always tried to distract me when this topic came up. "Yes, ma'am," I answered as cheerfully as I could managed. I looked at her and smiled wistfully as I let go of her and took only her hand. I led her way through the thin forest at this point, until we got to the field.

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A/N: This was a funny chapter to write so enjoy it and leave responses please.


	10. Chapter 10

19. The Game

When we got to the field Alice and Jasper were warming up. Carlisle was marking bases, our distances were bigger than the human's used, it's nice to let go and have fun with speed and power when we can. It's almost like hunting, but without losing control. Esme, Rosalie and Emmett were sitting waiting for us. Alice, Esme and Carlisle were very happy to have Bella here, Jasper was wary and Rosalie was so furious she considered not coming here at all today, but Emmett softened her up a bit. That lasted until she got a glimpse of my face full of love towards someone that she considered inferior to her. She rose to her feet with everyone, but turned the other way.

Esme came towards us full of joy and excitement it pleased her to have Bella here with us, as a part of our family. My dead heart swelled with joy at the thought of having her part of our family. Emmett was a step behind her after he looked at Rosalie _I hope she gets over this fast, but I don't think so. So this is the lucky girl ha? _I glowered towards my favorite brother. I looked at Bella and she seemed nervous as she looked at Rosalie of all people. "Was that you we heard, Edward?" Esme asked as she approached us. _It's been so long since I heard you laughing so freely. _Alice was finishing practicing with Jasper; she saw that soon we can start the game. "It sounded like a bear chocking," Emmett said. Bella smiled hesitantly, and confirmed, "That was him." Well they still don't know how funny Bella can be, "Bella was being unintentionally funny." _Unintentionally? _Both Esme and Emmett were wondering, Emmett more hopeful. _I hope I'll get to see some of these funny behaviors for myself, _Emmett thought.

Alice run towards us, "It's time," she declared, and as soon as she spoke a rumble thunder sounded. Bella looked fascinated. "Eerie, isn't it?" Emmett said and winked at Bella, he seemed to like her enough right away, she gave him a smile in return. "Let's go," Alice said taking Emmett's hand and they ran towards the bases. _No need to push you, _Alice thought, smug, but her wordless thoughts took her into paths I didn't want to think of, so I tuned her out. Bella looked after them with eyes that were mesmerized. _You can go with the others I'll stay with Bella; _Esme thought for me, I gave her a smile. "Are you ready for some ball?" I asked Bella with eagerness. "Go team!" Bella said trying to put enthusiasm in her voice. I chuckled at her expression and run after Alice and Emmett and quickly out run them. I reached Carlisle when Esme took Bella towards us; I always kept an eye on Bella through Esme.

I saw that Bella was staring at me with her mouth open; I guess I enjoyed the way she looked at me, well it gave me something to work with since she was so much more then I deserved. Esme was joking with Bella, telling her about our fighting in games, that fact actually made me smile. "You sound like my mom", Bella laughed in surprise. Esme told Bella her full story, about her baby; I could read the sadness in my mother's thoughts as she thought of him, even thought she took all of us as replacements it will never be enough. I sighed internally, it was just another thing that I could never give Bella, and she could never have at all if she joined my world.

Esme was usually the referee, so we divided into teams. Emmett knew Rosalie wouldn't want me with her team, but he tried anyway. "So Edward, you're on my team?" Rosalie growled and glowered at me. _If you want to be hanging off a tree, _She thought. "Maybe its better that I won't," I told Emmett and eyed Rosalie, he got the point. _This is getting ridicules, how long can she be mad at you? _And then he flinched as he remembered just how stubborn Rose is and how long can this last, and sighed. Eventually we divided to teams, Alice, Carlisle and I on one team, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper on the other. As we were arguing Esme was talking to Bella, about how happy she was that I was finally touched, "You don't mind then? That I'm… all wrong for him?" Bella asked Esme hesitantly. Can't she see that it was the other way around? That I was all wrong for her, that she deserved so much more than me? "No. You're what he wants. It will work out, somehow." Esme answered her, but she was worried as she saw the only solution that anyone could think of; Bella with white chalky face, but she pictured her with golden eyes instead crimson red yet still it was not the chocolate brown that I loved so much. Emmett and Alice also listened to Bella and Esme and we all took our places. _Sounds like she really loves you too, _Emmett thought, and that warmed me, and I smiled. Alice was also smiling, in her mind Bella was part of this family already, human or otherwise. Jasper was a bit distracted by Bella's scent; I guess it will work for our advantage when we play.

"All right," Esme said, "Batter up." The game started, and Bella just looked stunned, by the sheer speed of the game, she was ever more shocked that I caught the ball that Emmett hit so hard. Esme explain to her that Emmett was the strongest, but I was the fastest of our family. After I caught the ball again, I couldn't help it and ran to Bella's side, "What do you think?" I asked her, as always curious. "One thing's for sure, I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again." I got from Bella that sports weren't one of her strongest trades, "And it sounds like you did so much before," I laughed. "I'm a little disappointed," Bella said in a teasing voice. "Why?" I asked, puzzled as always by the workings of her mind. "Well, it would be nice if I could find just one thing you didn't do better than everyone else on the planet." I smiled, and she stopped breathing for a few seconds. She always thought too much of me. Emmett chuckled as he heard her breathing stopping too. _Careful Edward you don't want her to pass out from love, do you? _He teased , she already did once, but I couldn't tell him this now standing next to her. "Edward, you're up," Carlisle said in a voice too low for Bella to hear. "I'm up," I told her and went to take my place. It was more fun than usual, playing; it was only more fun since I saw Bella looking at me appraisingly the whole time, and lovingly.

We got more into the game, gaining more speed, but also more arguments, Esme had to call us to order a few times. It was my turn to catch when I heard Alice gasp and tuned into her mind immediately. I saw in her head the three vampires coming here, they were running faster then she thought; they want to join the game. With Bella here it was insanely dangerous. I immediately thought about taking Bella away right now, my head snap up as I thought of it, Alice looked straight at me. _If you'll take her now, they catch her scent and start hunting her. We'll have to defend her here, it is the only way to gain time and see if we can resolve it peacefully. They'll still be wary since we out number them. _I thought about trying to play it cool as if Bella was one of us, but I saw in her mind that if I won't protect Bella they will kill her immediately. I flinched internally at the sight my whole body went ridged with entire exchange took less than a second and I was on Bella's side in that instant. I was full of hate towards myself; how much danger I put Bella in just now? I brought her here and it was my fault. Alice was full of guilt too, she cared for Bella too, but I couldn't blame her for my mistake.

"Alice?" Esme asked tense. "I didn't see – I couldn't tell," Alice whispered horrified. Everyone was on Alice's side, everyone but me. "What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked her in a clam voice. "They were traveling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before," she murmured. Jasper was worried about a fight take place and he leaned over Alice, protectively. "What changed?" He asked her, worried; after leaving his former life he didn't want to get into a real fight. "They heard us playing, and it changed their path," Alice was horrified seeing in how much danger was Bella, feeling guilty about it. I wanted to tell her it wasn't _her _fault, but I couldn't leave Bella, I couldn't move my lips horrified at what was coming. Bella didn't seem to realize what was going on, the danger she was in. Everyone eyed Bella as soon as Alice finished talking. All of their thoughts were worried too, all but Rosalie, who seemed more irritated than normal, angry even, that now this would be a problem, if Bella wasn't here then there would be no problem with others coming, she was right. "How soon?" Carlisle asked me. _Oh Edward, how much danger is there? You think it will turn into a fight? Is there a chance that Bella will get hurt? _I forced my lips to move, "Less than five minutes. They're running – they want to play." I answered his aloud question and not the silent one. He was worried about Bella and I as I turned into Jasper, Bella's fear was growing by the second. "Can you make it?" He asked me, glancing worryingly at Bella. I saw through Alice that the minimal slowing that carrying Bella would affect me. "No, not carrying. Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting."

"How many?" Emmett asked Alice. "Three," was all Alice could say. "Three!" he scoffed, "Let them come." _There's only three of them, we can take them out before they have a chance to react. _He was right, but no one wanted it to turn into a fight. Carlisle was deep into thoughts and he thought of all the options, _taking Bella away will be more damaging than if she would stay. And here when we're all together we could protect her better, our numbers will surly make them think twice before attacking. _"Let's continue the game, Alice said they were simply curios," Carlisle finally said, it was probably the best choice at this moment. "Are they thirsty?" Esme asked me worryingly. I saw in my memory their vivid ruby eyes, and shook my head a little, she was relived. I wasn't Bella's blood didn't appeal only to me, it could be problematic. "You catch Esme, I'll call it now." I told her, I couldn't move from Bella's side, I had to fight to make my lips move and talk, I was petrified from worrying. I took one more step to put myself closer to Bella. The others went to game, but they weren't focused, they eyes always swept the woods, Alice and Esme always tried to stay close to Bella. Alice still felt horribly guilty.

"Take your hair down," I told her. She took her band out and shook her hair, but that only sent other wave of her scent, instead of blocking the scent from her throat. "The others are coming now," Bella said; she seemed motionless as I was. "Yes, stay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side please," I told her trying to hide all evidence of stress, but it still leaked through my voice. I took her hair pulling it forward trying to cover her up as much as I can. "That won't help, I could smell her from across the field," Alice said softly. "I know," I said in frustration, isn't there anything I can do at this point to protect her? Something, some way to keep her hidden? Was there a solution out there that I just couldn't see? "What did Esme ask you?" She whispered, though everyone could hear her. I didn't know if I wanted to answer that, but she needed to know, maybe she would worry less, "Whether they were thirsty," I muttered. The others played, but they kept it quite, everyone was stressed and worrying. Rosalie was beyond irritation, she was furious about the danger I was putting everyone in by being close to Bella, and mad that she also would have to protect her. "I'm sorry, Bella. It was stupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry." And I heard the thoughts as soon as I heard the sound. A tracker. This could be worse, and he could smell Bella. My breathing stopped as my eyes, zeroed on the spot they will emerge from. All the others turned their starts also, we all tensed.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this. Please read and leave reviews.**

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21. Close Encounter

They came towards us one by one; they didn't stand close to one another. The first one who came out of the forest was the tracker. He caught a whiff of Bella's scent, this was as bad as it can get, it appealed to him, but it wasn't strong enough for him to sense her here with us now. _There are a lot of them, better let Laurent make the conversation; he's better in keeping the peace and I could figure out our next move. _He let Laurent take the lead, pretending that he is their leader. Laurent's thoughts were peaceful, he didn't smell Bella and he was wary. There was a woman also, but her thoughts were almost incoherent from the speed in which they occurred, her thoughts were confident; she was just waiting to see what will turn out now.

They were all surprised as they saw us, looking clean and with new clothes. Carlisle stepped forward towards them and Emmett and Jasper flanked him, they knew I wouldn't move from Bella's side now. As Carlisle got closer to them they straightened themselves from almost crouch position out of respect and show that they came in peace. Laurent stepped forward from their line.

The woman was alert, but she didn't make any decisions of her own, she just looked at us one by one quickly judging the danger. The tracker, James, stayed behind; trying to look casual, but I could see his mind. Flashes of his memories were floating, he is very good at what he does and I saw different tracking expeditions of humans whom he tracked and killed. I tensed my standing and he noticed that. _Could it be? _James thought; _they are protecting the human that its smell is in the air, its blood smell so sweet, sweeter than I smelled in a long time. Will they fight to protect a human? Defend a human? There are many of them, but if I could separate them surly we can take out those who are watching for the human. The human scent is all around them but which one of them is it? Is it still here? _He thought as they came to a stop. _The male with the bronze hair seems very protective if he is the one protecting the human it will be perfect. I'll follow him to get to the human it is probably the best course of action. Strong protectors fighting to protect the frail human creature, this is perfect. _I was a statue at Bell's side, this was as worse as it can get, he wants her.

Alice saw it too, her vision was blurry since the hunter hasn't decided which plan of chasing to take, but she saw him running, I guessed after me and Bella. Jasper sensed the strongest emotions; mine and Alice's distress and the ecstasy coming from the tracker, he didn't understand it, but I did.

"We thought we heard a game," Laurent said in a relaxed voice. "I'm Laurent, these are Victoria and James," He said and gestured towards the others. "I'm Carlisle. This is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella." Carlisle introduced us, deliberately not pointing at us by name, but in groups, hoping Bella won't be noticed. But my stressed position did standout from the rest. "Do you have room for a few more players?" Laurent asked sociably, he still wasn't aware of James' plan and I wasn't sure if he would join him, he seemed relatively peaceful. Victoria was a different matter, she was very confident that things would work out on their favor. "Actually, we were just finishing up. But we'd certainly be interested another time. Are you planning to stay in the area for long?" Carlisle asked in a friendly voice. Jasper was starting to use his gift and slowly melting the tension. "We're headed north, in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time." He didn't know of their change in plans, but he didn't say that he was also curious to see if we were really so many, such an unusual condition with our kind. "No, this region is usually empty except for us and the occasional visitors, like your selves." Laurent continued with the casual conversation, more at ease now with Jasper's gift. But James was alert; he was waiting for the conversation to end to see which direction of action to take, he took in the calm atmosphere in the air as confidence.

I felt so tensed that it felt like the pressure to stay in place and protect her would break me, I felt harder than ice, and colder. How did it come to this? How could I put Bella at such risk? But how could I have known that they would come here, earlier than they should? I was furious at myself mostly, but I couldn't think of it, I had to protect Bella.

When Carlisle was mentioning that we have a permanent residence nearby they were all surprised, never hearing of such a thing before. Laurent rocked on his heels slightly, "Permanent? How do you manage that?" He asked with obvious curiosity. "Why don't you come back home with us and we can talk comfortably? It's a rather long story." Carlisle invited them to our house, hoping they will take the invitation, so I can take Bella away from here. He saw, as did I, that we need to take her far away quickly. James and Victoria exchanged a surprised look at the word "home". James saw in his mind that it can complicate things if all of us will watch the human all the time; it surprised me that he knew that we would all protect her, but I assumed it's part of his gift. I barely noticed what Laurent and Carlisle were talking about most of the time I just noticed James thoughts and Bella beside me. She was frightened and shocked to the point she froze into place; she was as motionless as any of us. I noticed that Bella shivered in response to Laurent saying that they ate in Seattle. I wasn't the only one noticing her shiver; James tried to inconspicuously examine her.

Carlisle invited them again to our house and casually suggesting that Alice, Emmett, myself and Bella take the jeep. I did notice that he wanted Alice with me so I'll know if they decided to go after her, he didn't know that it was already decided. He also wanted Emmett with us since he was the strongest.

Alice saw that the tracker wouldn't follow us immediately, Emmett's size and obvious strength was a part of his diction, but he was forming other planes also. Everything else was blurry in Alice's visions, and he was still undecided as I noticed from his mind.

Then everything changed, the wind blew and ruffled Bella's hair, carrying a concentrated wave of her scent towards James. I stiffened as the scent registered in him again only more powerfully. James looked at Bella and scrutinized her with nostrils flaring, taking in her scent, and my posture next to her. He wanted her blood and wanted our fighting to protect her. He wanted to try and kill her now, testing if it will trigger me, but if I won't defend her he _will_ kill her now. James took a hunting position and I immediately took in a defensive crouch baring my teeth and snarling as a sign of warning. He took in my warning with a smile on his face; it was exactly what he wanted. Jasper sensed his ecstasy again, and he was worrying about the reason behind it, why would a warning made someone happy? I could also hear from him that Bella was petrified.

Victoria and Laurent also noticed what was going on; they were both surprised and then caught Bella's scent. "What's this?" Laurent asked in surprise. Victoria was looking at us one by, preparing to attack the first person who will try and stop James; she won't fight me since she understands from all so many years with James that this is what he wants. Bella's scent in the air meant little to her, she wasn't thirsty and the threat in front of her was too much to ignore. James was still testing my defense, he shifted to the side trying to go around me, but I adjusted myself before he could complete a move. "She's with us," Carlisle said to James, and he realized exactly how bad it's going to get. That James was going to try and hunt Bella down.

"You brought a snack?" Laurent asked and took an automatic step forward towards the appealing smell; though he wasn't thirsty, it didn't matter. I snarled ferocious snarls and my lips curling even higher above my teeth, another warning, and Laurent took an automatic step back. "I said she's with us," Carlisle told them both in a harsh voice, as all my family moved closer, preparing, Emmett was dying for a fight. "But she's human," Laurent protested astonished. "Yes," Emmett said looking at James, ready to help me take him out if he took another step towards Bella, _I've got your back bro,_ he thought. Jasper was also tense sensing we may end up fighting. James estimated his chances looking at all of us in his peripheral vision, he noticed Emmett's position and size and straightened from his crouch, he would not attack us here, where he is in a disadvantage. I remained crouched, not letting my guard down for a second.

Laurent sensed our hostility and ready positions and talked in a soothing voice trying to calm things down, "It appears we have a lot to learn about each other." Carlisle just answered in a cool voice, "Indeed." Laurent seemed eager to get out of this situation, "But we'd like to accept your invitation." His eyes flickered towards Bella and then back to Carlisle, "And, of course, we will not harm the human girl. We won't hunt in your range, as I said." He was trying to calm us down, I wasn't sure if he'll join James' hunt, he was afraid of us and our reaction. He didn't approve of James' reactions, he thought he was provoking us. James gave Laurent a deep look of disbelieve, he wanted to start hunting her down now, and he wanted Laurent's help, but he realized he can't rely on it. Victoria was looking at everyone her glance flickering, James gave her a long look, converting that he wanted to hunt Bella and she understood him they'll both try to hunt her. I was beyond furious; I wanted to destroy them myself, so they could never hurt Bella.

Carlisle measured Laurent expression _Edward, I will take them to the house, hopefully I could persuade them not to harm Bella, but you should take Bella away, I will call you when I'll know what they'll decide. _Carlisle thought his plan for me, and I agreed with it, I didn't have another choice. "We'll show you the way. Jasper, Rosalie, Esme?" Carlisle called; they gathered walking to him, while blocking me and Bella from the other view. It didn't help, James thought about taking the invitation and twisting into an opportunity. Alice was at Bella's side immediately, she was so worried, and she saw the tracker coming back to town to find Bella's scent there and follow it. Emmett fell back last, his eyes never leaving James's. It was time to get Bella out. I took a deep breath to gather control over myself, the control I needed to handle Bella with the gentleness she required. I was furious with myself, but more furious at the person that threatened Bella.

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sorry about the headline of the previous chapter. I don't know how to change it now but the game was chapter 20 not 19.


	12. Chapter 12

22. The Plan

I had to get her out of here; I had to make her safe again, but the absolute rage in my head clouded my mind. How did this come to be? How did I let Bella be put in such danger? But the thought of James wanting her blood was all consuming, he will never get that close to her, he would die before he will get that close.

"Let's go, Bella." I said in a low and bleak voice. I couldn't take her home; he'll find her there fast enough. I didn't know where would be a safe place, since he could use his sense to find us everywhere, I didn't see how his talent exactly works.

Bella was absolutely frozen in place, I took her elbow and pushed her a little bit stronger then I usually did. It was difficult to concentrate on being gentle when I was so stressed and furious. Alice and Emmett walked behind me and Bella blocking her and me from view even as we moved. It was aggravating to have to move in human speed, but Alice saw that there was a chance that if I'll run with her on my back now, they might come after us, going around the others.

_I'm sorry Edward I shouldn't have invited her here. I should have seen them coming sooner and tell you to stay home with her. This is entirely my fault how could I have put Bella in such danger? _Alice was thinking, but I just shook my head, I wasn't mad at her, it was my fault. Emmett was concentrated, always looking in his peripheral vision to see if were being fallowed. _I'm sorry Edward, don't worry, we'll keep her safe._

Bella stumbled all the way, my hand holding her was the only thing preventing her from falling on her face. The fear and terror was obvious on her face. Laurent went with Carlisle and the others, but James and Victoria retreated more quickly. I could see them through Carlisle's eyes; they gave Laurent one look of betrayal and when he didn't come with them as they reached the edge of the forest.

There was no time to waste, the second we were inside the trees I pulled Bella over my back and started running at full speed. Alice and Emmett were behind me, but they weren't as fast as me. As I ran I was thinking, I had to get here to a safe place, but where would that be? Would I take her to Danali? That was far and I'm sure Tanya's family could also help us. They were also strong in their own ways. Well, she wasn't going back to Forks that was sure, he was going there first.

I tried to slow as we reach the jeep but it was hard. Rage was my main feeling, rage at the vampire who dared to endanger her. I hurled her as gently as I managed in my rage to the back seat of the car. She was too afraid to move, I have never seen her so terrified, ever. This made me feel like guilt was eating a hole in my stone stomach, a weak memory of a human feeling, nausea.

"Strap her in," I ordered Emmett the second he got in the jeep. He would do as I say, he trusts me to do the right thing to protect Bella, that it was my choice. Alice, already sitting next to me, would be more difficult, she was trying not to think of something, focusing very hard on the near future; which was very vague since I didn't know where we were going yet.

I started the jeep the instant Bella was strapped and turned it towards the south, away from Forks, away from the danger. I was so furious, and became more furious by the minute as a course of action to protect Bella didn't come into my mind. How could I protect here when I didn't know what to do? I started growling, trying to think out loud but all that came out where mumbled cut off sentences and profanities. _Easy Edward it will be fine, he has no way to get through us. _Emmett thought trying to calm me down.

As I reached the main road I really pressed the gas going as fast as the jeep can take me. My mind was partially incoherent from stress, but I always looked at Bella in my peripheral vision. It caught my attention when her face expression changed from terrified and shocked to confusion. "Where are we going?" She asked in a normal tone. No one answered, or looked at her. We were all on the same page here, we knew what we need to do, but knew she wouldn't like it. "Damn it, Edward! Where are you taking me?" She demanded, yelling at me.

But how to answer her? I didn't know where we're going; my mind seemed to be stuck from the rage and fury, blurring my mind. "We have to get you away from here – far away – now." I told her the truth, the part I knew of, anyway. I didn't look at her directly, just pretending to look at the road. I saw in my peripheral vision that she looked at the speedometer, she looked upset. "Turn around! You have to take me home!" She shouted and tried to struggle her way free from the harness. _What is she doing? Should I stop her? Would Edward even let me lay a hand on her? _Emmett was thinking. "Emmett," I said furious looking at Bella's hands. He understood and grabbed her hands gently, but she couldn't move that way. _Edward this is wrong, _Alice was thinking, feeling guilty about seeing Bella this way.

"No! Edward! No, you can't do this." She was screaming now, horrified. It made me feel sick to have to do this to her, to put that look on her face, made me feel like a monster. "I have to, Bella, now please be quite." I have to think I have to make it right somehow. Her life was the first priority, she doesn't understand in what kind of mortal danger her life is.

"I won't! You have to take me back – Charlie will call the FBI! They'll be all over your family – Carlisle and Esme! They'll have to leave, to hide forever!" She was still yelling. I couldn't believe this, she was being hunted down, by a tracker who wants to kill her, and she was worried about my family? What is wrong with her? Doesn't she understand that she comes first? I felt a small twinge of guilt when I realized she was right, but we would survive, they are not in a death threat by this. "Calm down, Bella. We've been there before." We were, but not from the FBI, but since Bella's father was a cop, there was a good possibility that Bella was right._ It's nice of her to think of our family when she's the one in danger, she's really nice._ _Rosalie will be pissed that we'll have to move again, but I guess it's worth it if you can keep Bella alive and your sanity intact. _Emmett thought darkly. _Edward be reasonable, you can't just kidnap her, this is wrong and you know it, you should stop the car so we can talk about this _Alice was thinking.

"Not over me, you don't! You're not ruining everything over me!" She started to struggled even harder without any success. _She really needs to calm down, before she hurts herself, _Emmett was thinking. Alice was still disapproving and they were both shouting mentally making it harder for me to ignore them.

"Edward, pull over," Alice said out loud after she realized I won't listening to her thoughts. I wasn't going to listen to her, I'm the only one who is responsible for Bella; I just flashed Alice a hard look and sped up even more.

"Edward, let's just talk this through." Alice said in a cool assured voice. _Edward be reasonable, Bella is right we need to think of a plan that will keep her and our family's life intact, _Alice was thinking. "You don't understand," I yelled in my own frustration, at my sister's lack of comprehension. Bella flinched from the sound of my voice as the car frame shock. Alice didn't understand how much I loved Bella, how I can't think of putting her in the smallest amount of risk, no matter what.

I had to get it through to her, for her to understand the danger; it was hard to think at this point, "He's a tracker, Alice, did you see that? He's a tracker!" _Oh, this is bad. A tracker wants her? How good is he? How far away will he be able to find her? Well he's still one, and even with his coven there three and our family is seven, not such a challenge. _Emmett thought, calming himself after the first shock. _Thanks so much for thinking so highly of me, but do you think HE can get to Bella without ME knowing?_ Alice thought, a little insulted. "Pull over, Edward." Alice ordered me.

I speed up even more; the car engine began to faintly protest. "Do it, Edward." Alice ordered me again. I can't take this, why is she arguing with me on this? To please Bella? Can't she see that protecting her is more important than anything? If she cared about her as she claims can't see that?

"Listen to me, Alice," I started saying, tortured, saying this words made me feel worse, and I didn't want Bella to worry even more. Through all of this Bella still looked angry, trying to free her hands from Emmett hold. "I saw his mind." I continued, "Tracking is his passion, his obsession – and he wants her, Alice – her, specifically. He begins the hunt tonight." Alice was still dogging, "He doesn't know where – ", she began but I was so enraged I couldn't let her finish, what she was going to say didn't matter."How long do you think it will take him to cross her scent in town? His plan was already set before the words were out of Laurent's mouth."

Bella gasped, I thought she was realizing the danger she's in, see who is going after her, I yearned to hold her in my arms and assure her that it will be alright. Her words caught me by surprise, thought by now they shouldn't have, "Charlie! You can't leave him there! You can't leave him!" She started struggling so hard I was afraid she'll hurt herself. "She's right," Alice agreed with Bella, making this harder from me then it should be.

Was it because I was so furious and enraged that the words I said made no sense to them? Couldn't make them see the danger here? But Bella would never forgive me if I let anything happen to her father, I need to work up a plan that will keep him safe and Bella far away. Maybe we should drive to the next payphone so I'll send Jasper to keep him safe, thought he won't like being away from Alice, for so long, and how long could this last? I slowed the car a bit trying to think of a plan, though it was hard to think through the fog of rage.

"Let's just look at our option for a minute," Alice tried coaxed, she was thinking very hard about a plan which I would approve, sending Emmett back to protect Charlie while we stayed with Bella, but there was something more that she was hiding from me, a small edge in her thoughts. I took the bait though and slammed on the brakes on the shoulder of the high way. Bella flew forward from the force of it and then slammed back to her place, but still she looked more relaxed now that we stopped.

"There are no options," I hissed and turn to glower at Alice, no matter what, she didn't understand how much I loved Bella, and the lengths I would go to protect her. "I'm not leaving Charlie!" Bella yelled again. I ignored her, she was my first priority, but not her own, this was unbelievably frustrating. "We have to take her back," Emmett said siding with Alice against me. It felt like I was about to explode from anger and frustration, I couldn't see sense in any of their thoughts.

"No." I answered, that was my final verdict on that matter. Bella is not going back. "He's no match for us, Edward. He won't be able to touch her." Not when were around, not that that matter since there was no chance I was going to let Bella live in a slightest danger; more danger then my own presence should I say. "He'll wait," I answered him. "I can wait, too." Emmett smiled, hoping it will come to a true fight, he'd love that.

I was maddening furious, "You didn't see – you don't understand. Once he commits to a hunt, he's unshakable. We'd have to kill him." As soon as I said the words I wished I could do it myself, kill him so Bella would be safe again. "That's an option," Emmett said, a smile in his voice. "And the female? She's with him. If it turns into a fight, the leader will go with them, too." I growled trying to make him see the amount of danger, though I wasn't sure about their leader.

"There are enough of us." I didn't want to put all of my family in danger, in a fight. "There's another option," Alice said in a quiet voice and didn't continue. I saw her mind and I was shocked, I saw her old vision, Bella with red crimson eyes, her face cold, but her body was strong. "There – is – no – other – option!" I roared at my favorite sister with a voice that shook the car with it. Emmett and Bella looked shocked by my reaction, Emmett never saw me yell like this at Alice. Alice didn't care. _Edward, this makes most sense. He won't be able to hurt her or even have a reason to hunt her down once she's one of us. Emmett can go back and take Rosalie to protect Bella's father, the tracker won't go after Charlie too strongly, he wants Bella. Once Bella will be a vampire he won't chase her for her blood, and even if he does chase her, we'll be eight, and they'll be two. _Alice saw the leader decide not to join his coven members._ And that way in the end Bella will be safe and you two can be together, forever. _

I glowered at her, but her words got stuck in my head _you two can be together, forever. You two can be together, forever. You two can be together, forever. _"Does anyone want to hear my plan?" Bella's voice, very human voice entrapped my thoughts. "No." I said hopping she won't continue but she just glared at me and went on. "You take me back." Sounds bad already, I didn't want to even hear the word _back_. "I tell my dad I want to go home to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait till this tracker is watching, and then we run. He'll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Charlie won't call the FBI on your family. Then you can take me any damned place you want." We all looked at her, stunned.

It frustrated me to no end that she would endanger herself to protect her father, though it's one of the reasons I love her so much. "It's not a bad idea, really." Emmett said surprised, _she's smart this one. _Bella looked insulted. "It might work – and we simply can't leave her father unprotected. You know that," Alice reminded me, she had a point, but I was blocking it, Bella comes first. They both turned to look at me.

"It's too dangerous – I don't want him within a hundred miles of her." I didn't want to think of such an outrages idea of using Bella as a diversion to protect her father, though it would protect my family also. "Edward, he's not getting through us." Emmett was confident, trying to sway me from my persistence.

Alice's face was blank as she looked in to the uncertain near future. "I don't see him attacking. He'll try to wait for us to leave her alone." That was spouse to reassure me, but it did little. "It won't take him long to realize that's not going to happen." And Alice can't see what will happen until he also realizes that. "I demand that you take me home." Bella begged in a voice that tried to sound firm. This aggravated me, I wanted so much to do what she told me, whatever she tells me, but this was too risky, and it pained me to see her upset. I pressed my fingers to my temples rubbing them and closed my eyes. So many strong emotions that I wasn't sure that my body could take them, my head felt like it might explode.

"Please," Bella begged in a small voice. It pained me to no end to have to do this, but I would give her want she wanted, I couldn't deny her of anything, no matter how crazy it was. I couldn't resist her anymore; I didn't have that much in me. My voice sounded worn out, "You're leaving tonight, whether the tracker sees or not. You tell Charlie that you can't stand another minute in Forks. Tell him whatever story works. Pack the first things your hands touch, and then get in your truck. I don't care what he says to you." How long could I endure her to be alone, more far away from me then she is now? "You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross your doorstep."

I started the jeep, spun it around, and hit the gas. I wanted to be over this, to have Bella away from Forks, away from danger. I didn't want the tracker to hear her, or follow us, but there was nothing more to be said, I just wanted it behind me.

"Emmett?" Bella asked, looking at her hands, I hoped she didn't hurt herself struggling all that time. "Oh, sorry," Emmett answered her and released her hands.

I started thinking about my plan; see if there is any hole in it. I thought of all the details, spinning them in my head. I had to make sure she's safe at all time. If the tracker will come near her house he would probably come through the forest to avoid detection, so Emmett will watch the forest and from there he'll see the outside of the house, since he's so eager for a fight. I will try and be with Bella all the time and invisible to Charlie while she's in the house. And then Alice will guard the truck so it will be safe when Bella get's in.

I told them my plan, glaring at Bella, making sure she understands she has only fifteen minutes, I hoped she's already thinking of an excuse of Charlie. I went on "After she's out, you two can take the jeep home and tell Carlisle." Emmett didn't like that, "No way, I'm with you." _You need me; if he's going after you it will turn into a fight, and if he's not alone you'll need me. _Emmett thought trying to sway me. "Think it through, Emmett. I don't know how long I'll be gone." As long as I'll be gone with Bella and she'll be safe I can take it. But how will we stop the tracker divided and uncoordinated?

"Until we know how far this is going to go, I'm with you." Emmet insisted. I didn't have it in me to argue anymore.

My plan only worked in case the tracker wasn't near or in Bella's house already, "If the tracker is there, we keep driving," I said grimly. If it will come to a fight just me against him I will annihilate him.

"We're going to make it there before him," Alice told me, reassuringly. We'll that's one thing less to worry about now. "What are we going to do with the jeep?" She asked me. "You're driving it home," I told her coldly, I didn't want any of them with me, they should try and take the tracker out while his trying to fallow me and Bella. "No, I'm not," she announced. I started cursing everything and everyone again, too fast for Bella to understand. It's like everything and everyone are teaming up against me in this horrible day.

"We can't all fit in my truck," Bella whispered. Well it's not like Alice and Emmett can't outrun her truck, that was too slow for what we needed. "I think you should let me go alone," She said even more quietly. I clenched my teeth in frustration, "Bella, please just do this my way, just this once," I tried to persuade her all to no avail. "Listen, Charlie's not an imbecile, if you're not in town tomorrow; he's going to get suspicious." She told me. "That's irrelevant. We'll make sure he's safe, and that's all that matters." I spoke in between my teeth.

This idea sent splinters of ice down my stomach. Bella in her too slow truck, alone? Running away from an experienced vampire tracker with no one to protect her if he caught up with her? My body shock with agony. And for what, so she could protect her father's mind? So he won't get suspicions, it is hardly an adequate reason to place Bella in such danger. Maybe Bella understood that too since she went for the same idea with another line of attack.

"Then what about this tracker? He saw the way you acted tonight. He's going to think you're with me, wherever you are." She was right, of course she was. Emmett and Alice were both taken by surprise again, by her impressive insights. "Edward listen to her, I think she's right." Emmett argued. "Yes, she is," Alice agreed. It didn't matter that they were right, I can't leave her; I can't even imagine that. "I can't do that," I said curtly in an icy voice. It felt like I was going to get turn up from the inside if I left her now.

"Emmett should stay too; he definitely got an eyeful of Emmett." Bella went on. "What?" Emmett turn to glare at Bella, this was the part of her plan that he disapproved of. "You'll get a better crack at him if you stay," Alice said, she saw the tracker in town trying to pick up a lead of Bella's location. I started at my sister incredulously, "You think I should let her go alone?" I growled at her. "Of course not, Jasper and I will take her."

I didn't want their words to make sense, I wished I could ignore them; I can't be away from Bella. "I can't do that," I said in a defeated voice. _Edward we'll keep her safe, even if the tracker can somehow find us I will see it and we could stop it, Jasper is a great fighter and you know it. _Alice was trying to sooth me with her thoughts; it calmed me, but didn't make anything better.

"Hang out here for a week," Bella began to say I gave her the most horrifying look I could put in my face in this moment and she changed her words as she said it, "a few days. Let Charlie see you haven't kidnapped me, and lead this James on a wild-goose chase. Make sure he's completely off my trail. Then come and meet me. Take a roundabout route, of course, and then Jasper and Alice can go home." Her words sank in one by one slowly making sense in my mind. Maybe I could manage to be away from her for a few days, just for her safety…

"Meet you where?" I asked her. "Phoenix." Was she insane? "No. He'll hear that's where you're going," What was she thinking? Was she trying to drive me insane with all of her horribly risky plans? Risky, but smart, a part of it at least.

"And you'll make it look like that's a ruse, obviously. He'll know that we'll know that he's listening. He'll never believe I'm actually going where I say I am going." It pained me to see that she was right; no one would expect her to go where she said she was going.

Alice and Emmett both saw sense in her plan also; "She's diabolical," Emmett chuckled. _It will work Edward I see him fallowing you, not us. _Alice tried to reassure me. "And if that doesn't work?" I asked trying to find a flaw in her plan, there had to be one.

"There are several million people in Phoenix," She informed me. I couldn't think. It pained me to see she was right, Phoenix isn't Forks it will be difficult to just catch her scent walking down the street. "It's not that hard to find a phone book." I contradicted her. "I won't go home." What? "Oh?" I said furious, where was she planning to go then? Where can she go in a sunny state with Alice and Jasper?

"I'm quite old enough to get my own place." She informed me. Seventeen wasn't that old, but I guess she had a point. My face crumpled with pain that I tried to hide from Bella as the realization that she was right hit me. Alice put her hand on my shoulder, "Edward, we'll be with her," She reminded me.

"What are you going to do in Phoenix?" I asked her scathingly. If she planned to let Bella in on her 'other option,' this plan would be canceled and I would go with Bella, just thinking about it was like air to breath. Alice was insulated she took her hand off my shoulder, "Stay indoors," she said in an irritated voice. _I won't let Bella out of my sight and I will see anything this tracker is planning and stop it. _Alice reassured me once again. _It will be fine Edward, it's just a few days and you'll be with her again. _Alice tried to encourage me, but it did the opposite, the thought of being away from her when she was in danger, urgh! "I kind of like it," Emmett said enjoying the thought of a fight, a serious and equal fight, no cheating as he call it. "Shut up, Emmett," I growled at him.

"Look, if we try to take him down while she's still around, there's a much better chance that someone will get hurt – she'll get hurt," He edited the get killed part in his mind and I flinched, "Or you will, trying to protect her. Now, if we get him alone…" He trailed off with a smile on his face and in his voice. He wanted to fight James, having me around will just make sure that we'll win and no one from our family will get hurt.

I drove very slowly I didn't want the moment of separation to come. I looked at Bella and her confidence disappeared and she looked terrified again, trying to pull herself together. I couldn't imagine what will happen now; my mind seemed to be stuck. How could she think of a plan that will separate us? What if something happen to her when I'm not there to protect her? I wanted to accuse her of doing such a thing, but other words came through my lips.

"Bella. If you let anything happen to yourself – anything at all – I'm holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?" I told her in my softest voice. "Yes," She gulped, scared at my warning, I hoped that it will change something, but she was silent after this, her face remote. _Don't worry Edward, _Alice tried to calm me.

Bella would be fine, I tried to convince myself. Alice and Jasper will be with her, Jasper and his poor control. Just today I wouldn't let him stand in the same room with her; it seemed like a different life time. "Can Jasper handle this?" Being in a closed room with Bella? "Give him some credit, Edward. He's been doing very, very well, all things considered." Well she had a point.

"Can you handle this?" I asked her, she knew I didn't mean the thirst. Alice let out a guttural snarl; Bella shrank in fear, flinching from the sound in terror, to her seat. I smiled, Alice knew how to be terrifying and her gift helped. Alice asked with a picture in her mind one more time, she saw Bella again with crimson eyes, "But keep your opinions to yourself," I warned her.

As we reached Charlie's house I tried to calm myself. It was a good plan, Bella will have Jasper and Alice both gifted and qualified to protect her. After a few days I would be with Bella again and the rest will take care of the tracker. It was a good plan, so why I had ice splinters in my body warning me?


	13. Chapter 13

23. Hunted down

I parked the jeep far from Bella's truck, so if Charlie looked while she drove away he won't see it. I tried not to worry about the separating, but on keeping her safe. Bella looked panicked; I guess she still didn't know what to tell Charlie, and the idea of not knowing when she'll see him again. When will I see her again? I cut off the engine, all three of us scanned the woods with our eyes, pulled deep breaths to smell anything out of place, I searched the thoughts around but all I heard was Charlie's worry for his daughter. A twinge of guilt washed through me as I remembered telling him she'll be safe with me. I failed to keep that promise.

"He's not here, let's go," I said tense. Emmett helped Bella out of her harness. He saw her panicked expression as well, "Don't worry Bella. We'll take care of things here quickly." Emmett said in a low but cheerful voice, nothing ever worried Emmett. As she looked at Emmett her eyes filled with tears. _What did I say? _Emmett thought confused, he looked at me and I just shook my head. I didn't know why she was crying, afraid to say goodbye to Charlie maybe? But we all needed to focus now.

"Alice, Emmett," I said, telling them to take their places. They got out of the car and went into protecting position we agreed on.

I got out of the car quickly and opened Bella's door. She hasn't moved at all, her chocolate brown eyes were over flowing with tears, they were both sad and scared. I took her out of the jeep and wrapped my arms around her protectively, treasuring her heat and softness for, I didn't know how long we'll be together or when will we see each over again.

It was hard to move slowly but Bella had problems keeping up even with this pace. My eyes always scanned the woods where I saw Emmett running around the house alert, and my mind searched for thoughts that shouldn't be here. I walked her to the porch of her house. "Fifteen minutes," I warned her in a low voice.

"I can do this," Bella said to herself and took a deep breath. Her eyes were filled with tears, but they looked determined, perhaps she thought about what to say to her father.

She took my face in her hands, her warm hands heating me. Her eyes looked fierce as they turn to bore into mine. "I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now." She said in a low and intense voice. "Nothing is going to happen to you, Bella," I said in the same tone.

"Just fallow the plan, okay? Keep Charlie safe for me. He's not going to like me very much after this, and I want to have the chance to apologize later." She told me. How can she even think of anything else when she was in such danger? I loved her even more for it.

Alice was looking ahead and she saw the tracker looking for Bella's scent in town, it won't take him long to find hers and fallow it here. "Get inside, Bella. We have to hurry." I told her in an urgent voice. "One more thing," she whispered in a passionate voice that confused me. "Don't listen to another word I say tonight!" She warned me.

I couldn't let her go, I leaned in slowly my own thoughts confused by her tone, I wanted to take her in my arms and run with her. But she stretched on her toes and kissed me, with such a force and enthusiasm that confused me. I heard Emmett's low whistle. Bella turned around and kicked the door open. "Go away, Edward!" She yelled at me and slammed the door in my face. What? She wanted me to go away? My mind was stuck. _It part of her plan Edward don't panic. Go to her room to help her pack. _Alice suggested in her thoughts. "Bella?" I heard Charlie ask and call in relief. _She asked you not to listen! _Alice yelled at me in her mind. I walked slowly, my mind stuck, to the wall of the house and dashed up the wall and got in her room. After a few moments Bella got in and locked the door behind her.

I couldn't think straight, I just saw Bella with her eyes filled with tears and sadness. She grabbed a duffel bag and an old sock with money in it. Why would she think she'll need money? Must be an automatic thing to do. I heard Charlie's loud worry, so loud I could almost make out the words, he was blaming me and he was also right without knowing it.

Charlie pounded on the door; did she expect me not to listen not to listen now as well? I tried instead to listen to the outside, Emmett running, Alice's concentration on the future, she saw tracker walking around town trying to catch Bella's scent. I reached for her dresser and tried to throw the clothing at her not too fast for her, she stuffed them in her bag.

As she looked at me, she started crying even more her voicing was shirking and breathless. She was so sad that it felt like physical pain watching it, I wanted so bad to comfort her but we had no time. I tried harder not to listen to the conversation. _Poor girl, _Emmett was thinking, _must be hard leaving everything behind. We'll catch this James guy in no time; it will be fun, a real fight. _I didn't want to listen to Emmett's confidence. I tried concentrating on Alice more, I saw it when she did; the tracker caught Bella's scent. It was a bit blurry since he hasn't decided which approach to take.

Bella finished packing her bag, she tried to zip up her bag, and she was straggling with it. I pushed her very gently aside and closed her bag for her. I placed it on her shoulder carefully; I couldn't tell whether it was heavy or not. "I'll be in the truck – go!" I urged her, and pushed her slightly towards the door, and got out of the window.

I stood outside near her truck a statue of stress and worry. Alice was at my side worrying too, the trucker was coming close. He didn't run fast, _there three of them watching over her, I don't like those odds; I should wait for an opportunity to appear._ "Emmett!" I hissed and he was at my side in an instant. "Stay here, he won't fight us now, let him listen to Bella and take the bait."

We all listened to the conversation inside the house now. I listened to it through the trackers thoughts to see how he is going to take it all in, will he take the bait? "I'll sleep in the truck if I get tired," Bella said almost yelling, _She's leaving, not a surprise, but who will be with her? Where would they take her to protect her from me?_ James was wondering. Bella hesitated when Charlie told her Renee might be moving back to Arizona so she only has to stay here one more week.

_Arizona? That's unlikely must be a ruse, or just a lie. Sunny Arizona is no place for Vampire's who like to walk around humans during the day. _I sighed in relieve, "He took the bait" I told Alice and Emmett. _We are going to catch him, _Emmett was thinking, _Bella's plan will work flawlessly_. Emmett thought. Alice saw the tracker fallowing us when we leave. _We'll have to go through the house to pick up Jasper. We'll take Carlisle's car; it will help us more in the sunny weather. _Alice informed me.

"I have a key," Bella announced in a high voice. There were a few short moments of silence, and then Bella spoke one more time, "Just let me go, Charlie. It didn't work out, okay? I really, really hate Forks!" She said then in an angry voice, but I could hear the pain underneath it. Then at last the door opened and Bella run out, Emmett and Alice went straight for the jeep. I got in the truck before Charlie will notice me here, and I put the truck key in the ignition for her.

She threw her bag in the bed, and opened the door angrily. "I'll call tomorrow," Bella yelled over her shoulder. I could hear Charlie's pain thoughts, he loved her and didn't want to lose her, and I'll make sure he won't. She started the engine and drove off. I could see she was still crying barley contains sobs, it pained me to see her this way, knowing that I caused it. Thought if they would have come here and go into town and there was no one to protect Bella, I was still fairly sure they would go straight after her, at least now she had me to protect her. I reached for her hand hoping that my touch will comfort her somehow.

The tracker took off running after us, he won't attack us not from a distance, but he needed to know where we're taking her. "Pull over," I asked her as soon as the house and Charlie where out of sight. "I can drive," She said while still crying. She can't possibly see well with the tears, and she didn't know where she was driving yet, or did she already understand?

Very gently and slowly, I reached for her, my hands lifting her from the waist and my foot pushed her lightly from the gas paddle. I pulled her across my lap, releasing her hands from the wheel which I took over with one hand.

"You won't be able to find the house," I explained her; after I saw her shocked expression under her tear struck eyes.

Alice was behind us, catching up in no time with Bella ancient truck. Bella started back in horror. "It's just Alice," I told her and took her hand. She didn't seem calmer, nor she should, there was still grave danger.

Her face filled with sadness again, at a thought I wish I could hear. "The tracker?" She asked in a shaky voice. "He heard the end of your performance." I said grimly.

"Charlie?' Bella asked in dread. I wish there was more I can do to comfort her then hold her hand. "The tracker is fallowing us. He's running behind us now." Bella's body froze; I felt ice splinters in my body again at her expression.

"Can we outrun him?" She asked. I wish we would have taken the jeep, both Alice and Emmett can out run this truck, in fact Emmett was running not at full speed behind us. "No," I told her in a cold voice, but sped up anyway and the car's engine protested.

Emmett saw the tracker was moving closer to the truck so he jumped on the back of the truck. Bella screamed horrified, but after a fraction of a second my hand was on her mouth silencing her, I didn't want to draw attention from the tracker. "It's Emmett!" I hissed at her.

The tracker saw that the truck was too well protect and moved further, but always keeping us within sight. My hand moved from her mouth to her waist holding her close to me as possible.

"It's okay, Bella. You're going to be safe." I promised her. She was quite but I could see the fear and guilt in her eyes.

Emmett saw the reflection of Bella's face on the windshield. _Poor girl is about to get a heart attack. Listen to her heart, it's like she's running a marathon. She should have more faith in us; well you should have more faith in us also. _Emmett thought.

"I didn't realize you were still so bored with small-town life. It seemed like you were adjusting fairly well – especially recently. Maybe I was just flattering myself that I was making life more interesting for you." I said conversationally trying to distract her from her fear, I was going for humor, but her reaction was guilt and shame, not what I was barging for.

"I wasn't being nice." She said while looking down at her knees. "That was the same thing my mom said when she left him. You could say I was hitting below the belt." She said and a fresh wave of tears came down her, pained face. "Don't worry. He'll forgive you," I told her with a slight smile. But when will she see him again to make her apology I didn't know, that thought was like a rock in my throat.

She turned her face to me then, her eyes wide with desperation and panic. "Bella, it's going to be all right." I assured her. "But it won't be all right when I'm not with you," She whispered. She was right, I could feel the pain of the coming separation in me, I knew it would be strong, But I have to tough it out to protect her. "We'll be together again in a few days," I said and tightened my hand around her, letting myself feel the heat of her, breathing in her delicious and pleasant scent, I would miss that so much.

_Wow. _Emmett was thinking impressed; _You really did over come yourself. You sit there so close to her, breathing her scent and ignoring it so well, its impressive, proud of you bro. She sure as hell worth protection, she's a really nice person thinking about our family and hers before herself. _He thought.

Bella still looked scared and unconvinced. "Don't forget this was your idea," I reminded her. I could never even think of an idea that would include us going in different ways. "It was the best idea – of course it was mine," She said confidently again and sarcastically. I gave her a small smile that disappeared immediately at the thought of the future. I should have thought of something, but even now I couldn't think of a better plan, she was absolutely right.

"Why did this happen? Why me?" She asked in a high voice. I was asking that from the moment I met her, 'why her?' I couldn't look at her as I spoke, she didn't need to see my pain and fear. "It's my fault – I was a fool to expose you like that." My voice was seething with rage, rage at myself.

"That's not what I meant. I was there, big deal. It didn't bother the other two. Why did this James decide to kill me? There're people all over the place, why me?" She asked desperation strong in her voice.

I couldn't answer her question I didn't know the answer, but the only thing that stopped the other two was fear from my much larger family. I didn't know what could have been done. I told her the truth, but not directly was she asked, I spoke in a low voice so no one else would hear me.

"I got a good look at his mind tonight. I'm not sure if there's anything I could have done to avoid this, once he saw you. It is partially your fault." I said wry thought it was still true, "If you didn't smell so appallingly luscious, he might not have bothered." Or he still might have, just for the challenge of it, "But when I defended you… well that made it a lot worse. He's not used to being thwarted, no matter how insignificant the object. He thinks of himself as a hunter and nothing else. His existence is consumed with tracking, and a challenge is all he asks of life. Suddenly we've presented him with a beautiful challenge – a large clan of strong fighters all bent on protecting the one vulnerable element. You wouldn't believe how euphoric he is now." I could hear that in his thoughts even now, the absolute thrill of the challenge. "It's his favorite game, and we've just made this his exciting game ever." I finished with my voice seething with disgust.

_Don't worry Edward, no matter how good he thinks he is or how strong he thinks he is in this game he's going to lose. _Emmett thought encouragingly. The trucker was still following us. Alice was trying to see what he will decide, but he still didn't know himself, so the vision was a blurry forest.

Could I have done anything else to prevent him from being triggered by my behavior? "But if I had stood by, he would have killed you right then," I said in a hopeless voice. Though it was comforting to know that I didn't act the wrong way since another way would ended up with Bella dead then, I flinched.

"I thought…" She began hesitantly, "I didn't smell the same to others… as I do to you." She looked at me with guilty eyes. "You don't." I answered her, remembering Emmett's and Jasper's reaction to her scent that first time in the car. "But that doesn't mean that you aren't still a temptation to everyone of them. If you had appealed to the tracker – or any of them – the same way you appeal to me," I shuddered slightly, remembering how hard it was for me not to kill that very first time. "It would have meant a fight right there." I finished in a bleak voice. This time she shuddered.

"I don't think I have any choice but to kill him now," I muttered. "Yes" Emmett hissed, pleased. Alice was annoyed, _what did I miss_?But if I would speak loud enough for her to hear the tracker would also hear it. I was thinking about that option, to kill him it seemed like the only way left, there is no other way to stop him. He will never stop hunting Bella as long as he was alive. Emmett and Alice didn't have a problem with the idea. I knew who would have a problem with this idea, "Carlisle won't like it." I muttered. _He would approve there aren't any other options at this point, _Emmett thought, soon we would see if he was right.

After long minutes of quite Bella asked in a small voice, "How do you kill a vampire?" I looked down at her, it wasn't the same thing as how you turn into a vampire and yet still I didn't want her to know. And yet knowing and hearing how much he wanted Bella's blood I wish I could finish him myself. My voice was harsh when I answered her, "The only way to be sure is to tear him to shreds, and then burn the pieces."

"And the other two will fight with him?" She asked even more scared now, maybe I shouldn't have answered her question. "The women will. I'm not sure about Laurent. They don't have a very strong bond – he's only with them for convenience." As in most small covens in my kind, only mates last, coven members are changeable, "He was embarrassed by James in the meadow…" embarrassed wasn't the correct word, he was just shocked from James attempt to challenge such a large coven.

As I drove closer to the house James decided not to attack the house, he knew he won't win a confutation like that. Alice saw that too, but the rest was unclear.

"But James and the women – they'll try to kill you?" Bella asked her voice raw. How could she even worry about me? She was the one who was vulnerable and weak, I was a good fighter and I had my gift that gave me another advantage. "Bella don't you dare waste time worrying about me. Your only concern is keeping yourself safe." I thought of all her clumsy accidences, her walking in the forest alone and being so comfortable around me, just attracting danger. "Please, please – try not to be reckless," I begged her, but she didn't answer.

I couldn't believe she was worried about me. "Is he still following?" She asked quietly. "Yes. He won't attack the house, thought. Not tonight." _I guess it's too risky for him_, Emmett thought.

I tuned to Alice's thoughts to see if there was any danger near. She saw that the tracker was near us waiting for an opportunity, a break to attack. Laurent was in our house, I guess he took Carlisle invitation. The female was in our high school looking for information that would be useful in guessing where we would take Bella.

I turned into the driveway with Alice fallowing me; we drove straight to the house. I heard the tracker thinking about attacking When Bella would get out of the truck. He was getting closer to us, Emmett noticed that too. Before I shut the engine Emmett was at Bella's door opening it for her. The tracker moved closer and faster. Emmett took Bella out of her seat and curled her like a ball against his body, shielding her with his body as he burst through the door into the house with me and Alice beside him. As soon as we were in the house James retreated, far enough so I couldn't hear his mind anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

24. Separation

The first thing I saw as I got in the house was Laurent. Emmett growled at him, but I tuned into his mind immediately and saw that there was no danger here. He's thoughts were surprised when he saw Bella with us. _How odd?! They actually plan to protect her. No matter how dangerous it is, I wonder why. _Laurent was thinking.

Jasper tasted the atmosphere; he could feel the furry in me. _We'll have to kill this James if you want Bella to be safe, _He thought as me, I nodded my head once to show him that this was the plan.

Esme stood near the glass wall and looked at us. _Oh Edward dear I am so sorry. Don't worry we'll find a way to keep Bella safe, it will be alright. _She thought to comfort me.

Through Jasper I could tell that I wasn't the only one who was furious Rosalie was also furious. She didn't want to protect Bella, though she knew she had to. And Rosalie was mad at me for endearing Emmett and our family, though it wasn't the same danger Bella was in; we can protect ourselves.

_He's here to warn us Edward, _Carlisle thought to calm me. "He's tracking us," I said glaring with a look of hate at Laurent. He's eyes moved from Bella to mine, he's face was unhappy, "I was afraid of that," he said. I could hear he's conflict, he wanted to be loyal to James but he didn't want to fight a coven that was so much larger than his.

Alice flew to Jaspers side, and told him to his ear in a low and quick voice Bella's plan and their part in it. Jasper swallowed at the thought of being in a closed room with Bella and her sweet delicious scent. _Don't worry Edward I'll suffer what I need to suffer, but I'll keep Bella safe for you. _Jasper thought for me and then he and Alice ran up to their room to pack.

Rosalie went to stand near Emmett, her expression intense and when she looked at Bella she looked furious, I could tell that Bella noticed that. Rosalie was furious as the girl that endangered her love; didn't she see that I love Bella as much as she loves Emmett and more?

"What will he do?" Carlisle asked Laurent. "I'm sorry. I was afraid, when your boy there defended her, that it would set him off." He didn't know that James planed this from even before that, my defending her just added to his thrill.

"Can you stop him?" Carlisle asked Laurent. Laurent shock his head, "Nothing stops James when he gets started." Emmett grinned, "We'll stop him," he promised.

"You can't bring him down," Laurent began, and Emmett shook his head in disbelief. "I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years. He's absolutely lethal. That's why I joined his coven."

_We are also lethal in our way Edward, with you and Alice protecting Bella there no way this tracker is going to get near her, _Emmett thought confident.

Laurent eyes were on Bella and then he looked at Carlisle again, "Are you sure it's worth it?" My answering growl and murders glare made him cringe. _Can he actually love a human? How odd, I've never heard of such a thing before. _Laurent thought were perplexed.

Carlisle knew we had to hurry, "I'm afraid you're going to have to make a choice," he informed Laurent. Laurent looked at all of us and around when he deliberated, but I didn't listen to his mind or his words about what he thought of our life, and his warning about James. A new thought intruded my mind. Victoria.

Her thoughts were in caucus, she separated from James after they retreated from us, she was afraid of us. That fear seemed to change into confidence; she wanted to join in on the hunt. She fallowed Laurent scent here, guessing that James would be nearby. She was right; I heard his thoughts a few moments after hers. He was on the other side of the house, but he picked up her scent and he was moving to meet her, slowly, since there was danger for him being so close to us.

"I'm sorry for what's been unleashed here. Truly sorry." Laurent finished. He bowed his head, but picked at Bella again, puzzled. Go in peace Carlisle told him gravely. Laurent took another look around and hurried out the door.

"How close?" Carlisle asked me. I estimated their distance from what I saw of the invariant in their thoughts. Esme pushed the button that closed the glass wall with iron blinds. Bella gaped at the sound.

"About three miles out pass the river, he's circling around to meet up with the female." I told his. "What's the plan?"Carlisle asked, trying to think of a plan in case I didn't have one. "We'll lead him off, and then Jasper and Alice will run her south." I grimaced, at the thought, but I concentrated now, Bella has to be safe.

"And then?" Carlisle asked, wary, he didn't want to hear what was inevitable. "As soon as Bella is clear, we hunt him." I told him with a deadly voice, I wanted him dead, I wanted to be the one to finish him; not for fun like Emmett, but to be the one who will keep Bella safe. "I guess there's no other choice," he said in a grave voice his face grim.

We needed to hurry, without thinking I turned to Rosalie who stood closest to us, "Get her up stairs and trade clothes," I commanded her. She didn't move, I turned to glare at her, "What should I? What is she to me? Except a menace – a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us," he hissed at me. I could feel Bella flinch beside me. I want to rip her throat out at the words, but Emmett won't let me lay a hand on her and we have no time to waste. The tracker and female got together and they were planning strategies; Bella was right he was going to fallow me.

"Rose…" Emmett murmured, putting his hand on her shoulders, _Sorry. Don't worry she'll come around and she will help us. _Emmett thought. Rose shock his hand off, she didn't like it that Emmett was starting to like Bella or that he enjoying the coming fight. I ignored her; I needed to focus.

"Esme," I asked as calmly as I could manage. "Of course," she murmured, she walked up to Bella took her in her arms and dashed up the stairs.

Alice and Jasper came down, Alice glared at Rosalie. "Everyone, pack," Alice commanded. "Emmett, pack for Edward and Carlisle," Alice said and Emmett went immediately.

Rosalie growled, "This is all your fault," She hissed at me, "Your right," I growled at her, "And I'm going to set this right," Rosalie glared at me, "If _you're _going to make this right, then why are we _all_ leaving?" Alice was the one to answer Rosalie, "Bella is going to be part of this family so you better get used to it. If someone would go after Emmett wouldn't you expect us all to help to protect him?" Alice challenged her. "She's _not _part of this family. If it wasn't for her there would be no trouble, just another passing coven." My expression was hopeless and my head bowed, "She's a part of me," I whispered. It touched her a little my words, but not nearly as it did to the others, and she was still angry at me. Alice brushed my check with her hand to sooth me, _it will be okay, and I will keep her safe I promise._ Carlisle put him hand on my shoulder, "It will be alright son, we would _all _help you, and we won't let anything happen to Bella," Carlisle said giving a meaningful look to Rosalie. I saw in her mind that she would comply and she is going to be angry with me for a long time.

"We also need to decide who will protect Bella's father." Alice said, Rosalie glared at her viscously, and Jasper moved protectively to stand half in front of her. "She came back only to protect our life, we would have to move if Charlie thought that Edward kidnapped her, he would have brought the FBI to this," Rosalie didn't answer she was too ragged. _The kidnapping part wouldn't have matter if Charlie didn't know she was with you. Everyone knows she's with you. _Rosalie accused me in her mind. Jasper sent a wave of calm towards her.

"You and Esme will take Bella's truck and drive west, hopefully the female will fallow you, if she leaves you two will come back to keep an eye on Charlie." Rosalie looked at Carlisle with resentful eyes, he felt guilty about that.

"Edward? Is there anything else I should know about or be ready for?" Alice asked. I thought about it for a full second, "She doesn't need anything you can't find in a hotel or a motel. Just remember she needs to eat a lot more frequently than we do, three times a day would be best." I told her. She nodded. "And Alice," I added in a dangerous tone, she looked up at me with confused eyes, "Do not let her out of your site, do you understand? Bella can get herself into trouble without any help, so always look after her." Alice nodded, and I saw in her mind that she took my words seriously. We were all ready.

Alice saw that Bella was almost ready and she went upstairs to meet her. If I had a heart beat it would have been going a hundred miles per hour, my breath came faster, my whole body shivered in agony from the thought of a separation from Bella. _Focus, get a grip you have a tough job ahead of you, _Jasper thought to me, and he sent a wave of peace towards me, I embraced it, knowing I needed it. _We'll keep her safe don't worry, _Jasper added. Carlisle went to the draw were we kept spear cell phones.

Alice and Esme carried Bella downstairs by her elbows. Bella looked around herself with a surprised expression; I guess it seemed like a short amount of time to her. Carlisle handed a cell phone to each group.

"Esme and Rosalie will be taking your track, Bella," Carlisle told her as he passed near her. Rosalie was not happy at very least glowering at Carlisle. "Alice, Jasper – take the Mercedes. You'll need the dark tint in the south." Carlisle went on. Alice and Jasper nodded, none of them surprised. "We're taking the jeep," Carlisle ended with a sore not. Bella looked up at Carlisle with surprised eyes, surprise that quickly turned into fear.

"Alice. Will they take the bait?" Carlisle asked. Alice closed her eyes and I looked with her, yes they will take the bait. "He'll track you. The woman will follow the truck. We should be able to leave after that." Alice said in a certain voice looking at me.

"Let's go," Carlisle said, the words felt like doom impendence, I felt cold. I needed Bella's heat near me to rid myself of the cold, to treasure her heat. Carlisle walked towards the kitchen, but I went to Bella side at once, allowing myself for once to be as not as careful as I always was with her, it was a small change for me and I wonder if she noticed the difference. I lifted her from the floor and pulled her body to mine feeling the heat of it radiating throughout my body. Her warm soft lips were on mine, and then after a short second I put her back down on the floor. My eyes bored into hers memorizing her features one more time. I have to make her safe again; but I didn't know when will that be, when will I see her again. I had to focus now I had a mission; I felt a part of me, the part that could feel anything good, was left behind with her. It felt like I turned myself off and my hunting part, the more inhuman part, on as I walked away and turned my back on Bella.

Carlisle, Emmett and I went straight for the jeep. I went into the driver seat, Carlisle sat next to me, and Emmett in the back. I started the car and drove away. I could hear the trackers thoughts, this was the moment he was waiting for; he ran after us. "He's after us, the female stayed behind," Carlisle called Esme, "Leave now, I love you." He told her quickly. He was also worried about Esme, but he knew she would be safe with Rosalie, no one wanted to hurt us, just Bella; I wanted to drive away at top speed but I needed to make sure the female took the bait. I slowed to a crawl as we reached the high way, I heard Bella truck coming near us with thoughts accompanying it. I called Alice immediately as I heard them, and she answered after the smallest fraction of a second. "The female is after Esme, get Bella out now," I said as I pushed the gas paddle all the way down. Alice hung up without a word; she would keep Bella safe; she loved her too now.


	15. Chapter 15

24. The Hunt

"Edward, you can slow down, we don't want to leave the tracker too far behind." Carlisle said in a worried tone. I slowed a little, but I snarled with impatience. "Can you hear his plans?" Carlisle asked me. "No, he's too far back," I answered in a toneless voice. From the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle and Emmett exchange a nervous look.

"How far will we drive?" Emmett asked after a while. "The mountains outside the north of Washington," I said automatically again.

I was on edge, tuning myself to every thought that passed by, trying to pick up the trackers mind again. All I found were the human driver's thoughts from time to time focusing on the road on the dark night, or having fun driving fast with no cars near. It irritated me the carelessness of their thoughts, it was the opposite of how I felt. I wanted to be back to my light mode with Bella, every moment with her was joy and every moment away was agony.

Time seemed to be stuck, the black road flew beneath my tires and yet it seemed aggravatingly slow. I saw each inch of the road passing and it was like nail on a black board to a human. I had to focus now, but as long as we were driving there was nothing to distract me, I wanted to just turned the jeep around and drive back to Bella. I could be with her, protect her; I could stay with her forever to keep her safe. No. It's just a few days, I can handle that, I was an immortal; where was my prospective? My hands barely moved on the starring wheel, I was a statue of stress and anxiety. My hands felt cold as ice and so did my heart, it was a horrible feeling, an empty feeling. I could only be warm, truly happy, again with Bella. I took a deep unnecessary breath, just to breathe the traces of her scent that was still haning in the air of the car. Her scent burned now in a different way, it triggered my thirst, but there was a new edge to the burn, a burn of desire, desire to be with her. I locked my arms around the wheel it monad in response to the force. I loosed my hands a little. I had to focus, I had to kill the tracker and make Bella safe again. It was my fault she was in danger, I knew he was coming and I still let her come to the game with us. Why did I do that?

Carlisle's thoughts were worried, worried about me. _Edward, it will be alright, Bella is safe with Alice, no one can surprise her. Jasper is as good as a fighter as you are. The tracker is following us and she'll be safe once we catch him._ Emmett was also confident that Bella was safe with Alice and Jasper, but he too was worried about me. "Are you alright? I've never seen you like this." Emmett said in a concerned voice. I ignored both of their thoughts and words.

I fixated Bella face in the front of my mind and concentrated on that. I would keep her safe; I will make sure the tracker is destroyed before I will see her again. It is the least that I can do; protect her from others of my kind. I growled in furry and wish I could speed up the car. The fury tinted my vision in red and I could taste it on my tone, James had to die, I would be the one to kill him; I would focus on that _Edward get a grip, you're losing it. _Emmett cushioned me.

It was a very long day, time dragged; I could hear a clock ticking in my head slow second after slow second. Emmett and Carlisle didn't say anything, just from time to time asked me if I could _hear _James. They're thoughts moved from worrying to passing the time; they were better at this then me. I tried to pass the time by remembering Bella and our moments together, but it just trigger the desire to see her again. So I focused on the mission ahead of me, thinking of strategies of attack and moves.

As we drove past Washington their minds were more alert. The sun already set, it was night time. The night didn't help, it also moved slowly. The skies were clear and I could see the starts, the stars that Bella loved and couldn't see in Forks. I wondered if she was looking at them now in Phoenix; and then I wished otherwise. She's staying indoors with Alice, I sighed. Alice was going to get her way, all that extra time looked up together I'm sure they'll be great friends when I'll see them again. They can be friends, as long as Bella was staying human.

After a few minutes the phone rang, Carlisle answered it in a flash. Could it be Alice? Could it be that the tracker fallowed them, and left us? Did something go wrong? "Esme," Carlisle sighed in relief, I felt guilty for not sharing the same relief. It was Alice I wanted to talk, or better, Bella. I heard everything Esme told Carlisle on the phone, she spoke in a low rushed voice. "Were fine, everything is going according to the plane. The female ran after us for a while, but when she got close to the truck she saw that Bella wasn't in it and ran back to town. We drove back, but she is faster than that truck. We got back to town in the evening and went straight to Charlie's house. He wasn't there, but we picked up her scent and we split up. Rosalie found her and saw the female running back to Charlie's house, she didn't have time to warn me, but everything is okay. The female just tried to get pass us, but she couldn't and then she took off, Rosalie fallowed her. She said the female called someone, and then started screeching the town. Now I'm looking out after Charlie and Rose is fallowing the female. The female is trying hard, Rose just texted me that she's fallowing her to the airport. She's been everywhere you could think of with Bella's scent, the school, roads in town roads around town, she is so absorbed in her search she didn't even noticed Rose fallowing her, or maybe it's since our scent is all over the town anyway. How is everything with you? Anything new? How is Edward?" Esme asked after she finished updating us. "I'm fine. There is nothing new, were in Washington now, soon we'll take the hunt on foot as soon as we'll reach the mountains. Edward is… coping." Carlisle said straggling to find the correct words. "I love you," She said, "I love you too," he answered and she hung up. Carlisle was absorbed with what Esme informed us, and feeling guilty that he wasn't there to protect her. "It will be okay, the female didn't hurt anyone and it's not like she's after them, just after Bella." Emmett tried to comfort Carlisle, but he too was worried about Rosalie getting into a fight, a real fight. "You think she called the tracker?" I asked in a business like tone. "Could be," Carlisle answered in a strain voice. "Well it means he'll go after us, since he knows Bella is not with Rose and Esme." I said. Emmett's thought were cheered by my words.

The houses became more and more distant as we drove, when we reached the mountains outside of Washington that lasted all the way to Vancouver, we drove off the road for a bit to hide the jeep and we got out of it. It was game on now.

We walked to the main road so our scents would be fresh and obvious. We started running towards the mountains, it was all quite. After about fifteen minutes run Carlisle stopped and us. "Do you hear him?" Carlisle whispered to me. "No. It's very strange I would have expected to hear him by now," I told him. "Should we wait or continue to run?" He asked. "I think we should wait for a bit." I answered.

We were silent for about an hour and then I heard something, very distant, it was hard for me to hear the exact words because of the distance and since it wasn't a familiar voice. "_What is…? Should… distance… now… later" _He thought, and his thoughts vanished. "He's close, but he won't come closer, he's suspicious I think" I told them. "What should we do now?" I asked Carlisle. "I think we should run deeper into to the mountains, and one of us should try and find his scent from behind him. And then we collapse on him." He whispered to us, in a grave voice. _Yes! _Emmett thought, "I want to follow from behind him," Emmett said._ Edward should go, Emmett is not careful enough, but I don't know if he should be alone now." _Carlisle thought. "I can handle this," I told Carlisle in a livid voice, I was suddenly so furious again that I didn't know if I'll wait for them or finish him alone.

Carlisle thought about it for a little. _It's his job and he feels obligated to protect her. Should he be alone?_ "Alright" he told me, "me and Emmett will start running, you go back about ten miles not the same way we got here, take a detour, and pick up his scent and go after him. We will run fifty miles and then we will stop and wait for him to come to us." Carlisle told us his thought out plan. I nodded and started running, I broke to the left after a minute. It will all be over in an hour and I could be with Bella again, that thought was like warm air for my frozen lungs; I started running again faster than I ever did. It was not a run of freedom; it was to save Bella; the joy of running and the freedom were all gone.

After five minutes I started to turn back to our trail. I found the scent that we left behind, but not the trackers, this was a surprise. Has he didn't fallow us? I took a wide circled around the area until I picked up his scent; it was not where I expected it to be, too far away from ours. I run after his trail half expecting to hear his thoughts, but I didn't. I run and after the trail for fifteen minutes until I realized that he run a lot deeper into the mountains then Emmett and Carlisle. It was a struggle to go after him alone or to warn them, but I owed it to them. I started running back to them.

As I run I realized what was souring the feeling of freedom as I run. I missed Bella's pressed body heat against my back; the fire in my throat was not thirst as I remember her scent, but agony from the distance, the absence. I used that fire to make myself run faster so I could finish this faster.

"He ran pass us, he didn't cross your trail at all," I told Carlisle. "Why?" Carlisle asked. "I don't know," I breathed. Emmett's and Carlisle thoughts were confused, _isn't he suppose to be tracking us? What's going on? _Emmett wondered. "Maybe he is tracking us, just not using the usual way, but his talent instead." Carlisle suggested. "I still would have expected you to _hear _him by now," Emmett added. "Maybe… Maybe he is being very careful, maybe his gift tells him that you can _hear _or sense his plans in another way, and he's tacking a safe distance," Carlisle wondered out loud.

"There's something missing…" I trailed off; they both stared at me with surprise. There was something which I couldn't quit put my finger on. I tried to think of every explanation, but came out empty handed. I have to find the answer so Bella would be safe again. Then I realized something, "The tracker isn't tracking us, he's tracking Bella. What if he realized that Bella wasn't here, her scent wasn't with us…" I trailed off in horror, frozen like the useless block of ice that I felt like. It tortured me from the inside, I felt like I could be shattered in an instant. "But you said he didn't cross our scent," Emmett said. "He probably crossed it earlier, when we were on the high way," I said and without listening to a single thought or opinion I run straight back to the place I picked up his scent.

My body was moving fast, but my mind was frozen with horror, I couldn't think straight, what was going on? Is he after Bella now? But he couldn't possibly find her, there isn't a way and even if there is, Bella is perfectly safe with Jasper and Alice. Except that if the female joined him, it will be an even fight; I run even faster.

I heard Emmett and Carlisle running behind me yet I didn't stop or even slowed down. As soon as I crossed James's scent I traced it, if I could find him I would finish him before he can make a move. Alone. _Edward wait for us, _Carlisle and Emmett were thinking, but I couldn't. If I would run with them the tracker could escape, I can't let that happen. Their thoughts disappeared quickly as I run too fast for them to keep up with.

The feeling that I was cold from the inside, hollow, grew stronger every minute. Everything was going wrong; Bella's plan was going wrong. I run and run so I could barley think of where I was headed. My senses were stretched to their limits; I tried to extend the range I could cover with my mind. I heard that I was close to the highway. I run parallel to it for a few more moments and then I came to a full stop.

I was in Vancouver; he was on the main street and then the scent disappeared all together as I reached a parking lot just at the border of the city. He must have stolen a car. A new noise came to my awareness; it was ominous sound. An airplane, the airport was close. As I looked up and saw an airplane in the sky; a curse slides from beneath my teeth. This was very bad luck; he evaded us.

Carlisle and Emmett got to me after a full minute. "He's gone?" Emmett was shocked. I couldn't talk I just nodded, Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder in a gesture of comfort, but it did little. How did this happen? How could I ruin the only mission in my existence, protecting Bella? "What shall we do now?" Carlisle asked me worrying more about me again than Bella. He was thinking, _How can we found him if he got on a plan? Is there a way to get that kind of information? Maybe we should go back to Forks? He could be headed there to help the female get pass Rosalie and Esme. _He shuddered, Emmett wondered why. "No I don't think that's why. I think we should go through Forks to make sure there safe, but the tracker won't be there." I said frustrated. "Then how do we find him?" Emmett asked, he was realizing that he won't get his fight. Blackness was falling over me, I was feeling helpless. "I guess we could start in Forks," I said in an empty voice. "We should talk to Alice before, thought," I said in the same empty voice. More delays.

Carlisle called Alice, she answered after the first ring. "Alice, is Bella alright?" He asked her. "Yes." I heard her clear voice through the phone. That made everything better in a split second, Bella was safe and well. Carlisle continued, "Alice, he evaded us, we were about to collapse on him, but he disappeared and got into town. I think he could have flown away from here, the airport is near." I held my breath for Alice's words, "I just saw him. I saw him in along room full of mirrors, there's a golden stripe across the mirrors, the floor in woodened, there's a black table with a big stereo and a TV, and he's using the VCR there, but not watching it. That's the room he'll be waiting in, I don't know what he's waiting for. He watched a VCR tape in another room too dark to understand where it is. He'll be in that room, today, maybe tomorrow at the most. Whatever made him get on that plan, it was leading him to those rooms." Alice said. So the tracker made a spear of the moment decision to go somewhere else. We'll have to find that place and finish him there. It's arrogant of his to think that if he'll choose where he waits for us that he will win. I held my hand for the phone but it's not Alice I wanted to talk to, "Edward wants to talk to Bella, is she near?" Carlisle said realizing what I wanted. "Yes," Alice said, and I took the phone.

"Hello?" A familiar, astonishing, breathless voice answered. It was an amazing feeling listening to it. Like I was myself again, the sound of her voice was all it took to uplift me and make me smile. "Bella," I guessed to her I sounded the same, but Carlisle and Emmett noticed my sudden uplift. "Oh, Edward! I was so worried." She said in a voice that showed that her feeling were not in a past tense. "Bella," I sighed in frustration, "I told you not to worry about anything but yourself," Can't she see that we're strong enough to handle ourselves and no one was after us to begin with?

"Where are you?" She asked in a voice that sounded more like herself again, maybe calling was a good idea, she didn't sound worried now. "We're out side of Vancouver." I can't ignore why I called Alice, or what it means, that I have to spend more time away from Bella. Yet it was hard to feel upset when I was talking to her, listening to her voice, full of love and concern. "Bella, I'm sorry – we lost him." I felt compelled to explain, "He seems suspicions of us – he's careful to stay just far enough away that I can't hear what he's thinking. But he's gone now – it looks like he got on a plan. We think he's heading back to Forks to start over." It was what we we're hoping for; if he's not there I don't know what we'll do. "I know. Alice saw that he got away." Bella said in a strain voice, she was worried, about herself or still about me? "You don't have to worry, though. He won't find anything to lead him to you. You just have to stay there and wait till we find him again."

"I'll be fine. Is Esme with Charlie?" Bella asked. It was a tricky one. Charlie wasn't in actual danger; I tried to reduce the danger while still saying the truth. "Yes – the female has been in town. She went to the house, but while Charlie was at work. She hasn't gone near him so don't be afraid. He's safe with Esme and Rosalie watching." She didn't need to know that the female tried to get to Charlie, only that she didn't come close. She doesn't need to worry even more, just to be safe and protected. "What is she doing?" Bella asked. I wished I could see her face, read the emotions in her eyes. I answered reluctantly, "Probably trying to pick up the trail. She's been all through the town during the night. Rosalie traced her through the airport, all the roads around town, the school… she's digging, Bella, but there's nothing to find." Rosalie was watching the female and Esme was watching over Charlie, he was perfectly safe, and so was Bella, I didn't need to worry and so did Bella, but it seems we couldn't help it. Things weren't going according to plan.

"And you're sure Charlie's safe?" Bella demanded. "Yes, Esme won't let him out of her sight. And we'll be there soon." I swallowed hard at the thought of Rosalie's welcome. "If the tracker gets anywhere near Forks, we'll have him." What if he won't go back there? The female already scanned the area, did she managed to find a way to let him know that? If she did, we have a serious problem.

"I miss you," She whispered in a broken voice. "I know, Bella. Believe me, I know." I miss you, didn't even begin to cover, the way I yearned for her company, to the point of pain. "It's like you've taken half my self away with you." More than she can ever understand "Come and get it, then." She challenged me, I wanted to just run back to the car and drive at full speed until I reached Phoenix; I held Carlisle shoulder to fixate me in place. "Soon, as soon as I possibly can." There was something I had to do first, "I _will _make you safe first," I said in a hard voice.

"I love you," She said in a sweet voice as if to remind of it, but it did cheer me up. "Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too?" I asked. "Yes, I can, actually." She answered, her selfishness was endless and I loved her all the more for it. "I'll come for you soon," I promised. "I'll be waiting." She said in a sad, broken voice, something about it was finale and I hung up. I felt cold from the inside the instant I hung up. Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder as well, "Should we get back to the jeep?" He suggested in a soft voice. I ran immediately, I wanted this to be over, but the end looked far away now.

I got to the jeep first, Carlisle and Emmett a few seconds after me. I drove back to Forks; it felt good driving in that direction. Both Carlisle and Emmett were anxious to see their beloved ones, only I didn't know when I could be reunited with mine. I wasn't looking forward to seeing Rosalie; she would have some welcoming words for me I imagined. I drove as fast as the jeep would allow me, watching the forest trees passing one by one. I had a bad feeling that Forks won't lead us anywhere, so instead of thinking of how to catch James, I was thinking about Bella. Imagining what I will say to her when I'll meet her again. How I will hold her, kiss her again, feeling the warmth of her lips on mine. Time moved more quickly this way as we raced back to Forks.


	16. Chapter 16

26. Bitter Reunion

The drive back to Fork was stressed for me. I didn't like not knowing what to do; what will James do? Carlisle and Emmett both were in better spirits. "I think we should meet with Rosalie and Esme, ask for an update when we'll get to Forks", Carlisle said. Emmett immediately agreed anxious to see Rosalie again, I tried to tune his thoughts out. It was night time when we got back to Forks; so we parked the car in the end of the street where Bella lived. Rosalie and Esme ran to our car, they were happy to see their loved ones. The reunion was bitter sweet for me, I was happy to see them, but it was Bella who I really wanted to see. Bella's house seemed empty without her; it didn't hold any attraction for me without her.

After Emmett and Rosalie were done kissing she turned to face me. I could hear her words in her mind before she yelled in a hissing voice at me, as loud as she can without waking up Charlie. "What were you thinking bringing that human out with us? Alice told you that others are coming to the area, but you couldn't stay away from her for one night? Do you have any idea what you have done? The danger you put our family in? Why should we all risk our mates, our loves, spread ourselves all over the world so your human can be safe and stay human? If you love her so much why you won't just change her and save us the trouble? If you love her so much then maybe you should go there alone to protect her and leave us out of this." I know what I wanted to say and I knew it would hurt her badly; so I held my tongue and just glared at her. "Rosalie…" Carlisle began to caution her. "No! I wanted him to explain himself. You always read our mind, explain yourself for once!" She continued to yell. My temper flared as I read her mind, she didn't think I loved Bella enough to change her.

"You asked for it." I started in a cold whisper, "I didn't put Bella in danger on purpose, if I had any way of knowing that they will come to the filed I would never have taken her. I never asked anyone to help me protect her, if you don't want to help, then don't, no one is making you. As far as it comes to changing Bella, you remember how much you just enjoyed waking up and finding out what you are, I won't do that to her. I won't destroy her soul just so I could keep her." My words were like a slap in the face for her, like she didn't care about Emmett when she asked Carlisle to change him, for her. She glared at me lost of words, I hit her below the belt and I knew it. Her thoughts were raged but they were just meaningless insults.

Everyone looked at us with disbelieve, Emmett put his hand on Rosalie's shoulder and she shock it off. _You didn't have to say that Edward, it was cruel. She's never going to forgive you for this. _Emmett complained in his mind, thinking about how it will be living in the same house with me and Rosalie. _Edward you should apologize to her, that wasn't very nice. You shouldn't take your anger and frustration out on her, _Carlisle thought.

But Rosalie was already back to herself. "In that case if you think she is so much better than us, maybe you should go and live with her away from us. Oh wait, you can't since you'll probably end up killing her yourself." Rosalie said with joy on her face as her words struck home. I growled and she smiled. "Maybe I will leave with her after high school. I won't kill her, that future is gone forever." Rosalie's smile faltered in a way she did love me and didn't want me gone forever; Bella was her problem.

_In such a case maybe after graduation I'll leave with Emmett until you will. _Rosalie thought with satisfaction at her own solution. I didn't want her to leave with Emmett, he was my favorite brother, but I could live with that. What I couldn't live without was Bella. I gave her a small stiff nod that no one else understood. _No! Don't leave, oh Edward. _Esme thoughts were full of sadness; Emmett and Carlisle thoughts were identical to hers.

I gathered myself, focusing now on my mission; on finding the tracker. I turned to Esme, "Where is the female?" I asked her. She looked at me, uncomfortable, "She run away, Rose was following her through the town. She called someone again, the tracker probably; stating Bella's mother address in Phoenix." I swallowed, if he going to Phoenix it's just too close to Bella. I had to get her out of there. "Then she ran away straight to the ocean and we couldn't find her anymore. She swam too fast." Esme added in a sorrowful voice. "We need to get Bella out of there now." I said in bleak voice.

The phone rang. Carlisle answered it, "What is it Alice?" Alice's answered came in a rushed high voice, so Bella must be close, she didn't want her to understand the words. I felt comfort and uneasiness as I thought of Bella and Alice together. "Carlisle, it's the tracker, he's coming here to Phoenix. He'll be here in about four hours. Carlisle, I saw him in Bella's mother house! Bella recognized the room; I don't know why he's watching the VCR there, or what it means. This is too close I don't know what to do; I have a really bad feeling about this. Bella is going into pieces from stress, Jasper can barley sooth her, even with his talent. It hurts to know that she's worried about us." I suppressed a growl, Bella worrying about all the wrong things. Rosalie hissed in disgust _worrying about us, like anyone will buy that. If she was so carrying she wouldn't come near us._ Rosalie was furious at Alice little remark. "What should we do?" Alice asked, in a pained and slightly frustrated voice. Alice didn't like to feel helpless.

It was very hard for me to listen to this. The tracker was too close to Bella, or going to be too close to her. Bella's mother could be in danger if she would come home. Carlisle thought about for a half a second and answered her, the words that were a life saver to me. "We're coming. Me, Edward and Emmett will hide Bella and then Edward will stay with her while we'll go after him if there is any trace of him. You and Jasper should stay near Bella's mother house maybe you could stop him there; in any case we need to protect her mother as well." I swallowed hard at that, thought I knew Jasper could destroy James; I wanted to be the one to do it. "Esme will stay to look after Charlie." Carlisle said in a grave voice. "Alright, we'll checkout and get another motel near her mother's house, for later. We'll meet you at the airport. Let me know when you land." Alice said in the same speed, Bella must be still listening, Alice sounded worried and that was a bad sign. "Alright," Carlisle said and Alice hung up.

"Thanks for thinking so much of me," Rosalie said in an offended voice. "I'll stay with Esme." She said without adding another word. I went straight for the jeep and took in a deep breath of Bella's fading scent. I was going to see her, even if she wasn't out of danger I would keep her safe. I'll be able to see her again and hold her in my arms again. I can live through anything as long as I was with her again.

Emmett and Rosalie kissed, "sorry," he whispered to her and got in the back seat. Rosalie thoughts were mixed with missing Emmett and hating me for taking him away. Emmett was also feeling bad for needing to leave her again. He tried to cheer himself with the thought of hunting James. Esme and Carlisle said goodbye to each other as well a wistful goodbye. Esme went to the jeep and she laid her hand on my shoulder, _it will be fine, just keep Bella safe and it will all work out, _Esme thought. "Thanks mom," I told her in a weak voice. Carlisle got in the jeep sitting next to me. The lights in Bella's house were on again, Charlie. Even from this distance I heard the worrying tone of his thoughts; it stung me to know that his thoughts were probably right.

"What about what Bella said about letting Charlie see you in town…" Emmett said and I growled, cutting him off midsentence. _Guess not. Rose is going to be pissed if we're going to have to move again, _Emmett thought. I drove off straight to Seattle at full speed. "Carlisle you should call the airlines and get us plan tickets." I said in an angered voice. Carlisle just took the phone and started making calls. _It'll be fine; the tracker isn't going to get near Bella, not with Alice nearby._ Emmett thought to sooth me, but it did little. I wanted to have my arms around Bella, telling her that everything would be alright and keeping that promise. She was so scared and so worried that Jaspers gift barley soothed her, I can't even grasp what that meant.

It was a very long drive, but I felt better knowing that I would see Bella again soon. I was imagining her again to make time move. The way her face will light up with a smile when she'll see me, her trusting expression, he her frail arms around my body and her lips on mine. I passed the time by imagining our reunion. Carlisle managed to get us plan tickets. "Where will we go after we take Bella?" Emmett asked. "North, I guess," Carlisle suggested, "We need to ask Alice first anyway," He was thinking of places, where it would be best to take us, New York, Chicago maybe even to Alaska with the Denali sisters. I winced mentally as I thought of Tanya meeting Bella, surely she'll have the same responses as Rosalie, It didn't matter to me as long as I was with Bella and she was safe.

We got to the airport straight in time to the flight, it was five-twenty, and we had ten more minutes. Carlisle called Alice, "Were boarding our plan in ten minutes, we'll land at nine-forty-five." Three hours and thirty-five minutes, I just have to endure that; then I'll see Bella again, my chest swelled up with hope. "Alright, we'll meet you there." Alice said. "How is Bella doing?" Carlisle asked. "Poor girl is going crazy with worrying about everyone her mom, her father, us. She's too stressed; and Carlisle that worries me." She said in a strained voice, I wish I was there to read her mind, it's like she wanted to say something more but she didn't. "It will be alright, we'll be there soon," Carlisle said and hung up. We got on our flight.


	17. Chapter 17

27. Flight

Carlisle got us all tickets to the same flight. The air plane was small and since Carlisle ordered the tickets for the nearest flight we didn't sat together. It would be day light when we'll land so we'll have to be very careful not to step in direct sunlight. We were all wearing long clothe just in case and we took large hats if we'll be in bare sunlight, risky, but it was just in case.

I settled in my seat to endure the flight and closed my eyes. I only saw Bella in my mind, thinking about the time we spent together, about her laughter, her warm liquid chocolate brown eyes that will be warm and filled with happiness and worry. I imagined straightening the worry lines on her forehead, kissing her lips, hugging her. I imagined talking to her, dismissing her worries; her father and her mother were safe.

I saw through Carlisle's and Emmett's eyes that they were looking at me curiously; wondering what is the reason behind my slight smile, but I said nothing and let my mind wonder off to pleasant places with Bella.

As time passed I became more and more restless. The pilot announced that we'll land five minutes earlier than expected which was good news, but it to, did little to unnerve me. Carlisle and Emmett had to remind me through their thoughts from time to time that to fidget and even breathe. _It will be fine we're landing soon and you'll be with Bella again. _Emmett tried to encourage me without success. I was going to see Bella now, so why did I get the feeling that something is wrong?

We got off the airplane and walked in silence. Carlisle had his hand on my shoulder to spurt and encourage me, but that didn't help I needed to see Bella. The human speed was making me frustrated. We picked up our bag and went to the exit to meet the waiting crowed. I searched for Bella's face anxiously, after a second the only thing I saw was Alice. She was horrified, she clutched a piece of paper in her hand, her mind was in a daze repeating something over and over; _she just went to eat, Jasper is with her, she'll be safe_, again and again, but each repetition made her more horrified and her mouth was closed to stop the sobs.

If Bella was safe why was Alice so horrified and about what? I can't make her think the words that will give me the information I need. I walked over to her as fast as human speed can be and then Jasper walked towards us and read his mind. _I didn't know there was a second exit to the bathroom…_ I couldn't listen to his mind which was full of guilt. I walked as fast as I could without attracting attention to the place I saw I Jasper's head. Everyone followed me, but gave me a wide breathe margin. I walked I to the ladies room to fallow her scent directly. Some women protested, but I ignored them and kept walking. Bella's strong scent stood out from all the rest of the scents for me. I followed Bella's scent to an exit and a small part in my mind noted that Jasper already took this course, and then it disappeared… a few feet into the road her scent disappeared. My mind was blank, I couldn't think, this… nothing made sense… what was going on? My breath came faster, getting stuck in my throat that felt tight, my eyes stung with tears that they can't shed and my body turned to ice with splinters twisting in it.

And then Alice laid her hand on my shoulder, she was looking at the future, but it could be the future. The future that she saw was jumbled and unclear, but getting clearer. I was stunned, I didn't know what to do and then Alice put the piece of paper in my hand; it was a letter from Bella. I recognized her hand writing which was more untidy than usual. I read her words to myself and I could see her panic stricken face in my mind.

_I love you. I am so sorry. He has my mom, and I have to try._ _I know it might not work. I am so very very sorry. Don't be angry with Alice and Jasper. If I get away from them it will be a miracle. Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially, please. And please, please don't come after him. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bare it if anyone else hats to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please, this is the only thing I ask of you. For me. _

_I love you._

_Forgive me. Bella._

The printed words didn't make sense, nothing made sense. Where did Bella go? Why didn't she wait for me to go with her? And then Alice turned her own agonized eyes on me as the future became crystal clear. The mirrored room which Alice described on the phone, with Bella's body lying in an unnatural position, broken, battered and drained of blood. Alice hugged me as my body sock with agony. Waves of torture washed through me and my mind was slow and dazed. My body was cold and felt like it was full of ice splinters stabbing me from the inside of my body. I could not bring myself to grieve, that would mean expectance and that was not an option. There had to be something that I could do, there had to be.

Alice looked at the future again and it was changing again, just flickering images going almost too fast for me to understand: Bella's broken body, Bella as a vampire, black robes swirling and a vampires ashes, I could tell from the color of the smoke. It was not important and I didn't have time to focus on the meaning behind it, maybe I have a chance. I collected myself, willing myself to composure. Though the image of Bella as a vampire stuck with me, I never considered her becoming a vampire in another way rather than by my own selfish choice. A part of me wanted that future for her so badly; it would make me so happy. But I can't steal her soul, it's best for her to die in a human way, I sank dipper with that thought. Bella's human life may be over already.

"Is it too late?" I asked Alice in a pained voice. "Not yet, but it will come close," Alice said in an agonized voice, Jasper was right beside her in an instant. _Too late? _Emmett thought in confusion, it took him a second to grasp that too late meant Bella would be lost, I shut him out completely I didn't want to hear it. "Where?" I asked in a lifeless voice, I had to save Bella, there's as long as there is the slightest chance. I have to not let my emotions overwhelm me. "Fifty-eight Street and Cactus, but I'm not sure," Alice said a sob breaking through her lips, Carlisle went to get a map of the city immediately and Jasper rapped his hands around Alice. "Not sure?" I asked in a lifeless voice. "I saw the place not where it is, Bella thought it was the ballet studio near her house. It's our best option." Alice said in a weak voice. "Let's go," I said in the same dead voice and went to the parking lot to steal a car, Carlisle was back already.

I went to the first tinted windows car that I saw. "Edward that car will be faster," Emmett pointed out to another and I went to it automatically. We all got in the car and I gave the map a brief glimpse to memorize the way to get to the ballet studio and I stepped on it hard. It was the longest ten minutes of my life. My mind struggled against the information since it didn't need to focus to drive. I was going to save her; we'll make it there in time I kept telling myself. But the other part of my mind embraced the deadly news. Half of me was full of determination as another was against my better judgment grieving, the pain was like nothing I have ever felt before even when I wasn't giving myself into it. It wasn't like the pain of burning or the pain of transformation, it was worse, this is the kind of pain I wouldn't be able to live through. The only thing that prevented it from paralyzing me was the hope that I could still save her. As a part of me embraced the pain, I knew I wouldn't be able to live this way; I can't live in a world without Bella. All the love of my family would never help, if Bella wouldn't make it, I will find some way to join her in death and to share her fate. If Bella was dead there is nothing in this world that could change my mind, not even my family, as much as I loved them it wasn't enough I can't live at all without Bella, it seems to me now that the only reason for my existence was her.

Yet I just had to believe that I will save Bella. She has to make it, for me; she has too. I thought desperately. But if she doesn't? How can I destroy myself? I knew Carlisle tried that many times in his early days in his life, and no damaged was done to him at all. Only another vampire can kill a vampire. Could I ask this last favor from my brothers? No, I can't do that to them, it would be too much of a burden and they will never agree. What other option is there? And then a flicker of Alice's vision floated to the front of my mind, black robes, the Volturi. If I will provoke them, surly they will destroy me. That was my solution then, the Volturi will destroy me, I will make them do that, if Bella doesn't survive.

My mind was so occupied that I the thoughts of my family around me just bounced off me without registering. My mind was busy with wanting to save Bella and thinking about destroying myself if I don't. Every emotion that I can think of coursed through my body during this drive, from the excruciating pain of loss, to the joy of seeing her face again since she _will _survive this, I though desperately to myself. Every few minutes someone tried to put their hand on my shoulder, but I shock it off. I couldn't even understand if they were talking to me or about me, it didn't matter; I was focused on saving Bella and nothing more, nothing else mattered at all.

We reached the ballet studio and the instant I got out of the car, the smell of blood was thick in the air. I ran straight inside. My mind did register the smell of blood, the sweetest smell I ever smelled, venom fluted through my mouth and I burned but I could barley register those reactions. All of my senses were dulled by the pain I felt, since the smell registered in my mind only in one way, Bella was in pain, she was bleeding; all else was secondary in my mind. As soon As I was inside I saw James over Bella, leaning over her. His teeth were in her flesh. Without thinking with a wild snarl of rage and fury I threw myself at him, and pushed him off her.

He was surprised and thirsty, the blood made it hard for him to concentrate. Jasper and Emmett went straight to him, and grabbed each hand and dragged him out of the room without a single breath. Despite the fact that I wanted to destroy him, as soon as Emmet and Jasper dragged James off and I knelt besides Bella's broken bloody body.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N : I know it's been a really long time, but I've been super busy. Please read and review.

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28. The Angel

"Oh no, Bella, no!" I cried in horror as I kneel besides Bella's broken body, afraid to even touch her. She didn't respond, her eyes stayed closed and her face seemed oddly peaceful. She had to hear me, she had to wake up, I was shaking back and forth, but I couldn't seem to stop. Her heart was still beating, but it was weak and slow sound, not the regular rhythm I came to know and memorize. And she wasn't breathing at all. Waves of torture washed through me, it felt like they would crush me from the inside. Was I already too late? In the back of my mind I heard Jasper and Emmett tearing James apart.

She still didn't respond. "Bella, please! Bella, listen to me, please, please, Bella, please!" I begged her. But there was no change; her body did not respond to me in any way, not even her heart. Alice kneel besides me. "Carlisle!" I called to my father, he had to help her; it couldn't be too late. He was already at my side examining her gently. I could read his thoughts which were deeply concerned as blood continued pouring from her wounds.

I burned but it was an insignificant pain, the agony of seeing Bella hurt so badly submerged every other feeling. "Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!" I begged her, my mind was stuck, was there nothing I could do? Was she dying? I could do nothing but sob a tearless sob. Alice wrapped her hand around my shoulder, but I couldn't even make myself concentrate enough to make sense of her thoughts. Nothing made sense; a world without Bella didn't make sense.

After what seemed like hours Bella gasped in pain, breathing again. "Bella!" I cried, hoping that she could hear me. She was breathing again; that was a good sign, I tried to tell myself, but her face didn't seem peaceful anymore. "She's lost some blood, but the head wound isn't deep. Watch out for her leg, it's broken." Carlisle informed me out loud since I wasn't paying attention to his thoughts. A snarl of rage burst through my lips. But James was paying for it now, he was being destroyed right now, though I wish I was the one to do it, I couldn't leave Bella; nothing could make me leave her now.

"Some ribs, too, I think," Carlisle continued on in a calm voice. I tuned into his mind and heard his thoughts, that Bella's injuries are serious, but she'll be fine. I could breathe a little easier, but I was still hurting over her pain. I wished there was some way I could take the pain for her, suffer instead of her. I couldn't stand to see her this way, I was sobbing again, burning with the pain of emotions as well as my thirst.

Then after a few seconds Bella began to mumble something unintelligible, she shouldn't strain herself in this condition. "Bella, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Bella?" but she didn't respond, "I love you," Could she even hear me? She had to know how much I loved her, even if it's the only thing she heard, it is the only thing that matters.

"Edward," Bella said and relief came with the sound of her voice. I took a deep breath burning breath, she was well enough to talk. "Yes, I'm here," I told her, happy to hear her voice, reassuring her that I won't leave her side. "It hurts," she whimpered. Though I already knew that, her words stubbed me, she was in pain. "I know, Bella, I know," how I wish there was something I could do for her. "Can't you do anything?" I asked Carlisle, anguished.

"My bag please…" Carlisle told Alice, so he won't have to leave Bella's side. "Hold your breath, Alice, it will help," Carlisle told her, she was struggling with the scent of blood in the air. But holding her breath did help her, I couldn't stop mine. She ran to the car to get his bag and ran back in a second. _Edward, _Carlisle called me in his mind to get my attention. _She'll be fine, I will do the best that I can for her, _Carlisle promised me. I just nodded, the words stuck in my throat.

"Alice?" Bella groaned. I flinched as I heard the pain in her voice. "She's here, she knew where to find you," Alice's vision of her and Bella as friends must have came true then; it will be the only part that will come true. "My hand hurts," she mumbled. I was surprised and so was Carlisle as I monitored his reaction; he did not mention that her hand was injured. "I know, Bella. Carlisle will give you something, it will stop." I told her trying to sooth her, as Carlisle prepared a shoot of Morphine.

"My hand is burning!" She screamed as she finely opened her eyes, but her gaze was unfocused and she saw nothing. "Bella?" I asked in a frightened voice, I didn't understand, a human pain shouldn't feel like fire. "The fire! Someone stop the fire!" The screamed with the force of the pain, something about her scream made me scan her body instead of looking at her face. "Carlisle! Her hand!" I told him in an urgent voice, my mind did not make sense of what I saw. "He bit her," Carlisle said appalled, confirming what I thought. I caught my breath in horror, he bit her. The fire, the pain of the transformation was burning through her. I shuddered, remembering that pain very clearly; it was my fault she was suffering through it now. I couldn't let her suffer this; there must be something I could do.

"Edward, you have to do it." Alice said as she brushed Bella's tears away, and in her pained mind I saw what she meant. _The wound is too small and there is not enough venom in it, it would take the change to happen so much longer. If you'd put more venom in her system near the heart it would be faster._ She told me, she didn't want Bella to suffer more then she had to, but she didn't see any other way, no way to stop this and I neither could I. There was a part of me, the more selfish part, which was happy that Bella is going to be with me forever. "No!" I bellowed. I can't let this happen, there had to be a way to stop this. "Alice," Bella moaned, but she didn't say anything else.

"There may be a chance," Carlisle said handing me the words that I needed to hear. "What?" I begged of him as Bella closed her eyes. Was I too late either way? "See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean" Carlisle said while he was working on her head trying to stop the bleeding. "Will that work?" Alice asked in a strain voice, she couldn't see the outcome of that since I didn't decide to do it, and she was worried about the same thing I was. Tasting her blood and then stopping; could I do it? I smelled her delicious scent, but the burn was nothing compared with my pain over hers, of fear of losing her. I was resisting fairly well, but tasting was a different thing all together. "I don't know. But we have to hurry." Carlisle answered. _It depends on how much the venom has spread and at which speed, _Carlisle said, I flinched.

"Carlisle I…I don't know if I can do that." I said in an agonized voice again. I wanted nothing more than to save her, but I could kill her. Alice's old vision with my eyes glowing red from Bella's blood filled my mind. "It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you're going to be taking blood from her hand." Carlisle said in a concentrated voice as he was working on Bella's head. She started withering and her face was turning grey from the pain, the pain of her injuries on top of the pain of the burn. I had to do something; can I do this? Am I that strong? "Edward!" She screamed and then opened her beautiful brown eyes and focused on my face. Though I could see the pain in them I also saw the love. I could also see myself, my own indecision struggling. I wanted to save her so much, but tasting her delicious blood and stopping would be the biggest challenge of my existence. It would be harder than the first time I smelled her and that was hard enough. Her screaming voice echoed in my mind, I had to save her, she was counting on me. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late" Carlisle called to me. I'm the only one who can do this; my love for her would win. No one in the world loved anyone as much as I love Bella. I can do this. All I need to do was ignore the taste and just focus on Bella herself and my feelings.

I prepared myself. I held her burning hand with both of mine, strong enough for her not to be able to move it but not too strong. I focused on my burn for a moment and reminded myself that the burn she felt now was even worse. I bent my head placing my lips against her warn fragrant breakable skin, while covering my teeth so my own venom wouldn't get in her system. Then I braced myself for the desire I knew that was coming since I could almost taste her blood on my tongue. And then I sucked.

It was delicious, better than I could ever imagine. The fire in my throat was a raging burning, demanding me not to stop. I was euphoric from the taste of it; I struggled to keep myself in focus. I have tasted human blood before, but nothing compared to this, it was a hundred times sweeter than any other blood. It was tainted though, the delicious blood was tainted with the taste of venom that was not my own and it did not taste good. I would loss this battle, I was going to drink all of her blood; I had to. And then Bella started screaming and trashing from pain. Alice grabbed Bella's legs while talking to her, trying to sooth her, but Bella didn't seem to be listening, and Carlisle was holding her head steady. It pained me beyond anything I ever felt in this wretched day to know that I was causing her pain. The delicious taste only made the fire in my throat worse, it demanded satisfaction. But I would stop, my body never wanted that moment to come, but my mind was focused on Bella's face. Her body relaxed as the pain diminished. I could feel the larger challenge ahead of me, her clean blood, I braced myself once more.

Agh! The flavor was beyond imagination, how could it keep getting better? But Bella's eyes fluttered and her conscious began to slip away and worry and pain pulsed through me. I tasted the Morphine in her blood and in the same moment she called my name again. "He's right here Bella," Alice reassured her. Hearing her calling my name gave me all the strength I need to resist. I sucked a little more blood to make sure it was all clean and I stopped. "Stay, Edward, stay with me…" She said in a weak sleepy voice. "I will," I said in a trained voice, though my body's need for Bella blood raged through me, burning me more powerfully than ever, I stopped, it was over and I succeeded. I drank her blood enough to save her, and I stopped, I was astonished with myself at that moment. Alice hugged me, she too was happy and grateful that Bella was safe, though she had a sore note since she wanted Bella as her sister; a small part on me was grieving with her, but mostly I was happy that Bella was saved; saved in all ways.

She signed in contentment and closed her eyes. "Is it all out?" Carlisle asked me, he was impressed. "Her blood tasted clean. I can taste the morphine." I said in a quiet voice, I didn't want to disturbed Bella. "Bella?" Carlisle asked her, wanting to make sure she was alright. She just mumbled in response. "Is the fire gone?" He asked her. "Yes," she answered and sighed, "Thank you, Edward." My chest expanded at her words, pain fading away, "I love you," I answered her. She must know that before she will fall asleep from the painkillers. "I know," She said in a voice that faded towards unconsciousness. I laughed, it was weak with relief, but still it helped me clean myself further from agony. Bella was going to be alright I smiled at the thought.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked her again. She frowned this time, "What?" She answered a little irritated. "Where is your mother?" He asked her, I didn't even know that he knew about that. I saw his memory as he asked this when I was beyond noticing anything. "Why did she do this" He asked Alice. "She thinks he has her mother" Alice said her face strained. "How did you not see that?"Carlisle asked with nothing but concerned, "I never made that connection, there must have been something that I missed"_, _Alice answered. "Could he really have her mother? If he does we need to be careful."Carlisle said worried. "I don't see that",Alice answered, "it's just him and Bella there, if her mother is there we're too late to help her",Alice answered in a sad grave voice.

"In Florida," Bella sighed, "He tricked me, Edward. He watched our videos," Bella said a weak and yet outraged voice. She should have waited for me, but there would be a time to find out the reason for her decision and now was not that time. "Alice," Bella called her eyes flattering again, "Alice, the video – he knew you, Alice, he knew where you came from." Her voice was growing weaker and her eyelids shut. Alice and I exchanged a long surprised look. _What video? _She thought and then went to a table, only now did I notice a camera standing on top of the TV. Alice took it quickly and was back to our side. _It looks like he videotaped their encounter. You don't need to watch it though_, Alice said, she didn't want to see me suffer again. _I'll go get our car_, Alice thought and got out with the camera. One way or another I will see what's on that tape.

"I smell gasoline," Bella said suddenly, I was surprised that she noticed. Jasper and Emmett were purring gasoline to burn the remains of James. I exchanged a look with Carlisle, "It's time to move her," he said urgently. "No, I want to sleep," Bella complained in a muffled voice. "You can sleep, sweetheart, I'll carry you," I soothed her. I lifted her very gently from the floor carefully, adjusting my movements so they would not cause her pain. I cradled her against my chest and her breath was even and deep now. "Sleep now, Bella, my love." I told her as I carried her out, she fell asleep right away.


End file.
